; si xing bu gai

The strengthening of the sunlight's glorious arrows comes, as usual, hand in hand with the demise of my former good mood.

Here's something random: the way he manages to spoil and make me feel like a pampered princess reminds me so.. eerily of JH, 2 months ago, minus the 'love innuendos'. Hell, he even said something which JH once said, that I only blogged recently about. "Don't be like this.." without the "Baby" of course. But I doubt he'll end up a bastard like JH. At least, I really hope not.

Somehow, I felt like I was in a relationship, with not the demerits, but only the benefits it comes with. And I can't honestly deny how much I miss one. Josh asked me why I yearn for romantic love so much. Why I crave it so badly, when I have the best family and friends anyone could ever ask for. "Josh will give you all the love you need." And Mich's "I will catch you when you fall." I was at a loss for words, I didn't know what to say. After today, I guess I can adequately explain the rationale behind this warped mentality.

Yknow. It's all those little things. Getting picked up. Just plain sulking leads to getting your own way without saying a single word. The snickers and poking fun of from friends. Having long talks, about everything and anything at all. Merciless teasings back and forth. Gentle steering of the body in the right direction for the very blur me. Whining about hunger = instant food, fully prepared. Opening your mouth and going AAAH comes with spoonfed Bens&Jerry's and ciggy smoke. Dirtying your clothes due to infantile carelessness doesn't lead to exasperation and irritation (at least not shown) but more amusement, and clean clothes, the guy's, even though he had to walk past a people-infested resort, half naked! Comfortable enough to hang out with nothing but a guy's large size shirt and thongs on. Playing on the waves with someone looking out for you. Concern over my heavy smoking habits. Having a shoulder and chest to lie on when drowsiness sets in, a hand to hold, hearing the heartbeat of another's, a soft body to hug and a jacket covered on by the unconscious act of shivering. Someone walking you to the lift when he looks tired to death. Hell, even the slightest touch of his hands around me warmed my heart. And falling asleep, then waking up in the arms of another felt like a lifetime ago, until today.

It was enough to remind me of how much I missed it and why I want it so hard.

Sadly.. too bad it was all from a platonic friend. One with no romantic ties nor inclinations I would think.

Sigh.

Now, don't start the lecturings on me having a new fling cos it's not like that at all. It's just pure friendship, only sweeter I guess?

I don't know how to put it.

I'm actually unsure of how I'm feeling towards the person in question. Fondness, definitely, but as a friend or otherwise? NFI, and I'm not going to bother wondering cos the piggy is TIRED.

"Don't, you'll ruin it."