; tears don't fall

Would she hear me, if I called her name,
Would she hold me, if she knew my shame?


Hello people, it's been awhile.

Mundane, banal, and the walking thesaurus can go on but what for?

Ushering of the New Year in four hours, and I'm too jaded, or maybe simply too lazy to fill in resolutions and promises I probably won't keep for more than a couple of weeks anyway.

Sorry for the cynicism. I'm feeling a lil.. worldly, a weebit weary too. It's incredulous how people can be so close, and a couple of months later, they have barely two words to say to each other. Whatever happened to the promises of everlasting friendship and support, love, even?

Don't try figuring out who it's going out to. Doesn't matter.

I miss my old town crowd more than I can ever fathom why. But whatever too.

Love my baby.

Jovinaaaaaaaaaa out.

; a lack of color

Your view on yourself:

Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:

You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:

You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

; ni hen ai ta

On the up side, I'm celebrating the 3rd month anniversary with my boyfriend, the first official 3rd monthsary in my entire life. 17 years, not very long, certainly, not even a quarter of a century, but I guess those who know me well are going Aaah with their mouths wide into a perfect O lol. :O like this. Whoever guess we'll make it this far (3 months in jovina's relationship terms = a very long time, trust me), and though we still very often have stupid squabbles and what not, we're still going strong and I love you baby.

On the down side, I'm gonna have to celebrate the 2nd Xmas in a row without someone important to me. This year, significantly worst than the previous. Last year was without a.. I don't know what to call him, ex boyfriend doesn't really fit, neither does fling. We'll settle with old flame I guess. Not that I'm thinking of him or anything, just.. random musings okay baby if you're reading this. That was hard, but imagine Xmas without my brother. Sigh.

God? *scoffs.

; cry

I've been getting more than a couple of calls, and texts.. overwhelming me with nostalgia.

"Piggy.. I'm in Cine, you around?"

"Haven't seen you around town lately, Jov."

"Girl where are you? I'm at Cine leh!"

And that chat with Bf.Nut's Quoxotic, aka Eug. Us making fun of anyone calling themselves Cine Kids these days. Hahaha! Probably twits migrated from PS, down the road. Plaza Sing's arcade's chock full of them. But I like that place, cos of the Rock Fever machine. I kinda own in it. I rock in KOF too. Hahaha just ask Mich to show you that video.

Sigh.

Those were the days. Idle hours but fun nontheless.

But I wouldn't trade my Baby, my Sis, my Mich for anything else I had.

Brother's court later. I'm preparing to cry a million tears. Final Judgement.

I wish the slut of a bitch will just die already, I don't know why but she annoys me terribly though she's more or less outta my life. Ah well. Like what a friend said, eventually, all her nasty conniving deeds will be exposed and everyone will see her for who she really is. Pray too, for that day to come.

I don't generally hate or detest people, but she's an exception. Too one of a kind, if you get what I mean.

; il stand by you vs lullaby

The Best times of my life would be those with the Baby (my little girl), Brother, Boyfriend and Bestie. Sadly, I'm left with two outta four. How can I be anywhere near complete?


oh, why you look so sad? tears are in your eyes, come on and come to me now. don't be ashamed to cry. let me see you through, cos i've seen the dark side too. when the night falls on you, don't know what to do, nothing you confess can make me love you less.

il stand by you. won't let nobody hurt you, il stand by you.

so, if you're mad get mad. don't hold it all inside, come on and talk to me now. hey, what you got to hide? i get angry too, when i'm alot like you. when you're standing at the crossroads, don't know which path to choose, let me come along, cos even if you're wrong.

il stand by you. won't let nobody hurt you, il stand by you. take me into your darkest hour and il never desert you. il stand by you.

and when the night falls on you, you feeling all alone, you won't be on your own.


don't you cry, i'm right here with you. feel the darkness running away from here. don't you cry, i will stay with you. nightmares demons all end now. so close your eyes and you will travel to a magic world, where peace reigns forever.

today the stars will guide your dreams and protect all the things above you. tonight an angel will come to give you a kiss, only for you. sweet dreaming now, my little piece of love.

here we go, don't look at behind. hold my hand and i will, we'll fly away. here you have a thousand of adventures to live. just choose one every night.

don't remember the darkness and sorrow. come here now, back to light..

; yat sum gnoi nei yat gor

Refusal to allow tears to fall upon the heartless faces of steel, and the words so sharp the depth pierced, I am unable to describe with words as mere tools.

IF YOU TWO FUCKING SELF RIGHTEOUS FUCKTARDS WILL NOT HELP YOUR SON, WHO WILL?

Your words speak the loudest. A sister, an a minor at the eyes of the court bear no significance.

HOW CAN YOU FUCKING BEG NOT FOR AQUITTAL BUT FOR HIM TO ENTER THE GODDAMN HOSTEL?

The man claimed, and I reiterate, "Your brother's too cocky." And the woman, "He will never learn in 3 weeks."

FOR FUCK'S SAKE. WHAT IF I THROW YOU INTO A WOMEN'S JAIL FOR 3 WEEKS. WILL YOU ONLY THEN UNDERSTAND AND EMPATHISE WHAT MY BROTHER IS GOING THROUGH?

I will not believe the same blood flows in these two people I just spoke to.

When my brother was sent to the boys' home earlier this year for 3 weeks, I spoke not a word to my father, but for stinging words of sarcsm.

My brother is my priority in everything. Before my parents, before my youngest brother, before my own life even. He is my life.

And as these bitter tears flow I curse. To all who got him into this fucking shit. Soot kias, they're called in ahbeng terms. May you come to no good end. Vengeance will be addressed if I fucking have to. It's been awhile since I got involved in these issues, the last a year ago, when my brother landed in hospital due to a cowardy fucktard. 18 year old VS 14 year old and when he lost, he got 8 - 10 people to avenge himself against my poor boy. Don't ask what happened to him though. *sweet smile.


Gam Sum Tai Doi Nei. Gan Xin Ti Dai Ni.

; i think god can explain

The very one day in like, a mullen years I'm finally home to chill and have some self-time, what do you get, but events, events, events.

Visited my brother in the morning. I thought it would be better, that we were getting stronger, unlike the visits in April and the one the week before where we cried a mullun tears. Didn't expect the mutual breakdown when the Sir announced, 'Boys, go to the back, time's up'. I hugged him from his profile, bitter pearls cascading down like torrential pours of rain, and as he engulfed me in a tight hug, I realised that his own were falling, as fast and furiously as my own. To have to let him go, I've never felt such acute pain, like fatal stabs in the heart.

His court case's on the 19th. Pray for him, with me, wish him luck. Thank you.

A dear friend of mine got into an accident. We were once so close, he had my back, I've got his. So silly us both, it was even indirectly a fault of mine he landed in hospital last year. It's been 3 years. Issues this year tore us apart. It was painful to have to pass his workplace and walk by like it never meant anything at all. But I never forgot how gentle and kind he was when I was tormented by heartbreak, the angel he sent my way to help me deal, to now one of my best friends and how good he always was, like a big brother to me, sending me all the way home though it was out of the way just to make sure I got home safe and sound. Thank you, big one.

His operation's tomorrow. Pray for him, too, with me, wish him luck. Thank you.

; where are you now

I take back every single negative thought I had of where the relationship might be heading these couple of days.

It's so absolutely wonderful to be in love, and though it kinda stinks that I needed a movie (the Holiday was awesome, watch it with your boy or girlfriends, people) to reinforce that fact, I'm terribly glad and thankful it did. Thank you truckloads, Cameron Diaz, Jude Law, Kate Winslet and Jack Black!

Meeting you, and falling in love with you was serendipity.

Christmas time with him by my side is gonna be amazing, even if we do nothing but sit by the fireplace drinking hot chocolate, watching the pure white snow.. wait a minute. I'm getting a wee bit carried away by the movie here. Hehehe.

Yknow, it's the lil things that make you smile, and when you do that and feel your heart swell with affection just seeing his eyes and lips crinkle up with amusement at a comedy, you know he's got you wrapped around his pinky.

And when I remember the first time an I love you came from him, the sheer thrill and rushing of the blood to the face and heart, I felt like I've just fallen in love all over again.

Ah I'm getting so sentimental and mushy and my goosepimples are complaining.

; white night fantasy

Tonight's cold, and the familiar darkness decends with not one single bit of the customary comfort in solitude, but instead, a melancholic loneliness that seems a perpetual part of me these days.

Stinging.

Couple of days before, I accompanied my mother, cousin and youngest brother to the temple. I'm unsure what would be a concise explanation of it all without coming off as a superstitious nutcase, but back to the basics: it's a taoist sect and we're part of it. I've been, ever since undergoing a series of rites and rituals at the tender age of 7. It's been a good ten years.

There was a.. I don't know. I'm not supposed to talk about it, but apparently, with faith, devotion and constant practice, a mild form of possesion can be cultivated, one would be able to execute a series of strokes never learnt before, an inexplicable force? that swoops onto the body and wham, bam, alakazam, there goes a girl performing what appears a graceful combination of dance and fairy-like martial arts, not unlike those you see in period dramas.

And of course, me being me, I was skeptical but it was hard to be dubious when witnessed with your very eyes. I knew the girl when I was a kid, it's been years but she was a reserved, gentle creature. I think she still is. And to see her moving with such confidence, and poise that was so unlike her placid retiring nature, it wasn't difficult to believe in a paranormal, even celestial presence guiding her, bit by bit.

I'm still doubtful, naturally, but since young I've been instilled with the decency to potray sensitivity even in disbelief, to issues of personal faith and choices. So I answered my mother, cousin and friends who clearly believe, with polite smiles and nods. But what I really wanted to retort, but for hurting my mother, was "Why should I believe in a God who allows terrible things to happen to me?"

I know I shouldn't begrudge any higher power, by His Grace I've been blessed with health, four limbs and the basic necessities one can easily live on. Younger years, my friends used to tease me even, for being born with a golden spoon in the mouth. But.. meant to live, I want to live for so much more.

Am I plain ungrateful, simply greedy and discontented?

I don't know. I can't honestly say that life has dealt me a cruel hand, but what if you compare yourself not with the starving orphans or sufferers of child labour in third world countries, but wealthy socialities such as Paris Hilton who squanders stacks upon stacks of notes, no I should say, credit cards frivolously?

; if your heart's not in it

I'm missing you, even though you're right here by my side. Cos lately it seems, the distance between us is growing too wide. I'm so afraid that you're saying it's over, it's the last thing that I wanna hear.. You say that you love me, but sometimes you're just saying the words. If you got something to tell me, don't keep it inside, let it be heard. I'm so afraid that you're saying it's over, but I'll make it easy for you.

If your heart's not in it for real, please don't try to fake what you don't feel. If love's already gone, it's not fair to lead me on cos I would give the whole world for you. Anything you ask of me I'll do. But I won't ask you to stay, I'd rather walk away if your heart's not in it.

How I wish I can take us back in time, but it's gone too far, now we can't rewind. And there's nothing I can do to stop me from losing you, can't make you change your mind.


No, this isn't about me and the boyfriend, we're still happy and in love, or at least, that's what I like to think and hope. It's about friendships and I've been contemplating.

Think about it. In a break up with a significant other, it's clean and precise. It's unequivocal. Break up = break up. And yeah, you hurt you bleed and everything but at least you know for certain, it's over, over. Speaking of friendships, they're ambiguous. You drift, and you're uncertain where you now stand in the heart of your friend.

But I guess I just gotta learn. Friends will stray, eventually. But how I wish they would never, never ever.

; love me

If you get there before I do, don't give up on me. I'll meet you when my chores are through, I don't know how long I'll be. But I'm not gonna let you down, just wait and see. And between now and then till I see you again I'll be loving you. Love me. Between now and then till I see you again I'll be loving you, love, Me.


Jovina, Shianne, Jenson, Jovan, Beebee.

Family.

Nobody will be able to fully comprehend my loss, my anguish from being torn justifiably, but still, cruelly from the person I love most in the world, my younger brother Jenson. One week apart seems like an entire lifetime.

Granted, on a typical day we would see each other for merely a matter of hours, about 10pm? when he returns home due to probation, but talk not about time as figures, hours and minutes, but quality time. Teasing banter, little squabbles, and when the need arises, heart to heart talks.

He lost weight. And his tears fell as freely as my own. "I only want my family", this simple sentence will haunt my nights until the next visit, same day, same time.

I miss him so much it's a constant ache in my heart that never really goes away.

; belly dancer

http://www.crushcalculator.com/content/love/237364597

; gone

I really, really detest drama in my life. I wonder what I use to crave from it. The momentarily peaks punctured by numerous dips? Bah.

If life can go on as smooth as.. I don't know, silk? A straight line, I couldn't ask for more.

I feel like I'm missing out on shitloads of stuff. But Baby makes me happy. Only when we part do I realise I'm so damn hooked onto him I scare myself sometimes.

Life's a bore. I half wish I'm leaving as planned this year. One more year in bleak and dreary Singapore.. The usual Christmas excitement is contrasting so drastically with my dullish lifestyle, making it seem more monotonous then usual.

Ah my baby's so cute I have a really retarded picture of him in my phone. Heehee. Which reminds me. I got a new phone with a screwed up memory card and NO CABLE.

Sucker. And I damaged the top of the phone within TWO DAYS. And the time is screwed. If you text me at 16:00 it shows 8:00. Bloody retardish.

Life is sucha fun sucker. Hate hate hate.

I do realise I'm being whiny and irritating. Hmph.

; this i promise you

I'm sorry, I can't be perfect.

But I'm trying..

; dance with my father

Rebonded my hair. Straight is an understatement, $175 is a lil high considering the rebonding rates these days, but I can't get over what that nice but undoubtedly noobish hairdresser did to my fringe.. the bangs look.. weird. Guess I gotta improvise them when I dye my hair next week.

Removed the braces. Will be on retainer from next week onwards for bout half a year I think. Which is kinda sickening, and inconvenient cos I gotta take them off when I eat and brush my teeth. Which means before eating I gotta go to the toilet and remove them which is kinda gross, isn't it?

Besides that I look pretty much the same I guess. Gained a hefty 5-6 kgs which means I'm roughly half the size of a baby killer whale.

Considering everything, life should be pretty good these days. But leave it to me to soak up the lil miseries and forget the good. I miss Mich. I miss Raes. I miss Vic. I miss Josh. I miss Mickster. I miss Jing Ammy Fenny Sooin Pris. I miss Ervin Shawn Lei Jekong. I miss Matt. I miss Peiling Lingwei Von Mel. I miss Esther and Linin. I miss Yuru Lydia Deb. I miss Edwin Yongcheng Mengwee. And I can go on and on but forget it already.

My brother decided not to run away and to head off to court after all. Which is what I deem the right thing to do, but the repercussions? Perhaps 2 or 3 years in the Boys' home. Everyone who knows me well knows how protective and how close I am to my brother. So yeah, try to imagine how fucked up I feel. And being much poorer than I once was, I can't afford to spoil and pamper him with money or stuff. I can't even ensure his meals ffs. Sometimes I hate myself for being so useless.

I can only hope and pray that all goes well and he'll be sentenced with tagging or an extended probation which are both unlikely. I can't attend his court, juvenile court's only for the parents which is a screwed up rule if you ask me. Not to crowd the courtroom with noisy kids I can understand but what about family?

back when i was a child, before life removed all the innocence, my father would lift me high, and dance with my mother my brother and me and then. spin us around till we fell asleep. then up the stairs they would carry us, and i knew for sure i was loved.

if i could get another chance, another walk, another dance with them, i'd play a song tt would never ever end. how i'd love love love t dance with my family again.

; hey there delilah

Guess who's back?

Okay umm a lil tired so I'll just type whatever comes to mind.. not that I have to explain what I blog or not blog but still! Hahaha.

Erik's coming back in less than a month! Yay! And Michie I miss you babe whassup with the emo emo post? Never fear, Jov is back (here rhymes more hoh hehehehe)

Bro's court review in Weds. Sigh. High chance of him sent to boys' home for a couple of years.. =( he wants to abscond, which is a pretty immature and dumb idea but I can't really blame him I guess.. Will support his decision whatever it is, keeping my fingers crossed that all will go fine and dandy.

Dad was expecting me to return him his RM the miser! And he was like, how can you hit on your dad's money.. GOSH! Mr I gave you only 330 RM! Yeah but he was so sweet la haha in fact Mom was pretty cutish silly too.

Trip was okay, love the weather but in my weakened state sometimes it got too cold for me to take. We were hanging out amongst mist, or rather clouds, according to Calv. Hmm. Theme park was okay too, Calv was a ball-less faggot but what else did you expect from Angel boy. LOL. Was babbling in the bus on the way home, I remembered Angel was the comment I uttered when I first saw his pic.

Ca|v-- & B|tCh--. In case you guys are wondering, that was Calv and Ww's IRC nicks 3 or 4 years ago hahaha.

Had a major headache on the way back. =( My head hurts now just thinking of it. And my period came right bang on Friday. Sheesh the sheer wrong timing again. Suffered from hardcore PMS throughout, which kinda ruined my mood, was an APG HAHAHA (attitude problem girl which btw is the nickname of an acquaintance of mine) - difficult and nasty and altogether a selfish spoilt brat this weekend, but thankfully baby took it all in his stride, though I'm sure I upsetted him and even hurt his feelings more than a couple of times. Thank you for taking such good care of me when I was feeling unwell and everything baby, I'm sorry for snapping at you so often. Love you many many!

Yawnsie I'm tired and my brother and his friends hanging downstairs at the bball court are making hell lotta noise, I can hear laughter and chatter all the way from the 7th floor. Oh yes my dog was so sweet too she came bounding towards me and stuck to me throughout since I came home but I bundled her off my lap and off to her bed. Hehehe.

; unbreakable

Wow, it's been more than a couple of days since I've last blogged! Coming from the blog-whore, more often than not postings of more than three or four religiously on a daily basis, that's saying something!

Haha. Been over at the boyfriend's the entire week, and I'm too lazy. Justified? Oh, the boyfriend's name is Cheewee and mine's Jovina. To those weird people entering our name into blog search to seek our blogs or whatever, here you go! (:

Will be going over to Genting in about uh. 12 hours. With Ww Calv and the boyfriend. And my Dad gave me a miserly 330 RM. Which I only just realise converts into less than $150 sing! The stinge! Cos it's all he has left from his Msian travels. WHY couldn't he have 1000 RM left or something. Okay I'm so gonna leech another couple of hundreds sing from him later. Hmpfh.

Note to self; claim 50 from Mom for my own when I get back, and another 100 for hotel room. And 200 for the hair.

Wait what else do I have to do. The boyfriend told me to send whatever songs I wanted to him last night to Ipodise it, but I fell asleep. Umm umm. And I wanted to say some stuff but I forgot.

Okay Mich, Vic, Raes I miss you.

OH I REMEMBERED. Jov is a very grouchy jov cos I woke up and saw 3 pathetic tobacco sticks in my pack which I WAS SURE HAD AT LEAST 15 LEFT. Which means my nasty bro stole 12 sticks. Moron. Now I have only 1 left. =( Hello I need at least 3 sticks to wake me up. The good news is, Mom buys my cigs for me these days and I usually get outta paying for them. :D And I cannot bear to scold brother dearest except to grumble abit. And he claimed he asked me. Asked! Hello when I'm sleeping, lost to the world except my slumber, YOU DO NOT ASK ME THINGS. A vague mumble or a slight nod does not equate to a yesah! God. If someone asks me for 1k I'll prolly nod my head too just to get the bugger outta my face -_-

Yawnsie. One stick left. One stick left. This is so adding to the pressure count in my system. Does anyone realise I have to wait for my mom to pass me a pack later which means a couple of hours without sticks when this is my last chance of enjoying myself LEPAKING AS MUCH AS I WANT in front of the comp in peace with no annoying blares from the tv or noise from the other three teenagers (my lil bro's 12, one more year to go!) in the house?

Sometimes I hate the world so much.

Hehe that's a phrase I say alot these days. Fuck I hate the world. Rather than wahlao, EMO! Just a funfact.

And I do realise I'm blogging nonsensical shits, and risking sounding twitish but hey MY BLOG! Uh oh defensive mechanisms kicking in.

Okay thou shalt sign off before further ado. Byebye!

* i need you tonight

Open up your heart to me, and say what's on your mind. I know that we have been through so much pain. But I still need you in my life, this time.

I need you tonight, I need you right now. I know, deep within my heart; it doesn't matter if it's wrong or right. I really need you tonight.

I've figured out what to say to you. Sometimes the words they, they come out so wrong. Yes they do. I know in time that you will understand, that what we have, is so right, this time.

All those endless times we tried to make it last forever more, and baby I know I neeeeed you, yeah. I know, deep within my heart, it doesn't matter if it's wrong or right, I really need you..

I need you tonight, I need you oh I need you baby. It's gotta be this, it's gotta be this. No, it doesn't matter if it's wrong or it's right. All I know is baby, I really need you tonight.


What a classic. Jovieee production proudly presents: the Backstreet Boys!

; porcelain

sat up for hours, thoughts of a lover, il prolly nv get a chance t hold again all of my days spent waiting for nights with her again, again. and i'm, sharing a drink with a memory, and a laugh with an empty seat. do you stil look the same, will you stil look at me the same?

cos i know tt i don't, i've gotten so old in these last few years. and i'd rather be fighting with you than sleeping here next to her

don't let me fall il break, what a mess il make.
pathetic pieces on your floor will cut your feet forever.
you're porcelain, such fragile skin.
jus lemme hold you, il be gentle, i won't drop you
this time il be careful.

forget for jus one second tt this is not alright, lets drink to feeling nothing at least jus for tonight.
stay for one more, pass out on the floor like we used t do, it got so hot in your room.

and i can't let it go, the phantom pain i'm feeling. and the hurt won't leave me alone, and i'm tired of sleeping with ghosts.

fell asleep with your ghost, woke up with a headache. from a cure tt's only temporary and in the morning always fails me.

; this is my destiny

For the longest time. Say.. July, August? I've been ignoring most of my contact list. The only must replies are the ladies, and a bunch of close guy friends. The rest, I just click off, barely scanning through whatever they sent me. Applies to Msn as well.

I simply did not recognise the rationale behind obligatory replies to people I don't feel much like talking to. Thus, for the first time in a long while, I scanned all 15 groups in my msn, and took notice of their Msn nicks.

There was a time when I felt, that nobody stays in love anymore. And then it turned to. Everyone's in a relationship! Now, I see more than a handful emo, upset, break-up nicknames. Sigh.

My little cousin, I think she's 10, has sucha cute nick. Boys are bad, throw rocks at them. Haha!

Ah yes. Everyone has such intriguing blog addresses, yknow, those which I'd feel inclined to click and browse through just by the addresses. In contrast jovieee seems kinda, I don't know. Duh-ish? I couldn't think of what to use, so I followed Mich's idea, and decided to select simplicity.

Returning to littlemissemo? Or will it be bad karma..? Sorry I'm silly superstitious but just in case, you know? Still, I can't find an alternative identity that suits me more. What do you guys think?

; tui hou

Get to know yourself better

Your view on yourself:

Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education

You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

The right job for you:

You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:

You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

; think of me

ex-girlfriend, you can't have him
it's about time tt you found you a new man
he's moved on, don't you know, don't you know
you gotta let him go, let him go, let him go

ex-girlfriend, you don't listen
stop trying, he's not gonna give in
he's not yours anymore, don't you know, don't you know
you gotta let him go, let him go, let him go

hey ex-girlfriend, it's too bad when you had him
y'all thing didn't work
but he's all mine now, so stop pursuing him
before you get your feelings hurt

see our love is hot, and no it won't stop
cos i got him on lock
and although he rejects you, it don't seem to affect you
cos you keep trying to get with him

so don't, don't keep, keep calling
hang up the phone when i answer
i know it tears you up inside
and why do you sit in silence on the other end
til i hang up
and you predictably call right back again

hey ex girlfriend, whatever your name is
i'm really not amused
cos the things you do are very offensive
and sometimes straight up rude

all those late night calls and notes on his car
won't get you anywhere
you can call his mom as much as you want
and he won't really care

i understand why you want him back
but don't you know
our love's too strong for you to penetrate
it's too late
he's not your baby no more


HAHAHA. Such a powerful song. This goes out to all the psycho ex-girlfriends hounding the poor boyfriends of my girls now and before. BOO to you! ><

; forever for you

Never been one to learn from my mistakes, but this time I have, and I've taken steps to change, I'm different from who I used to be, so I really hope the Almighty above will be just and kind this time round towards me.

I've learned to give and graciously too, not just receieve without reciprocation. To make an effort, to try again and harder. To recognise my flaws, and do something about them. To accept that nobody's perfect, to forgive.

Sometimes I wonder whether this change is making me a better person, or simply a fool wrapped around a finger. But I've decided to push negativity aside, and instead work on being a stronger human being. Strong, but not stupid.

To the friends I've neglected, I'm sorry, it's the exams, and my tendency to gyrate and lavish all my attentions on the boyfriend and the few closest to me. The fact that I lost my phone doesn't help either. But tomorrow's the last paper, and I'll be a liberated woman! Hahaha.

Let everything be okay. I'm not indefatiguable.

I love you too baby.

; friends of the enemy

A brand new day, and a fresh new start?

May everything go well. (:

; un-break my heart

Let tonight be the finale of this helpless, incessant cascading of fallen tears.

I'm sorry.


take my heart, take my soul
so take my life, i don't need them anymore.

; it is you (i have loved)

Unnerved.

Sleep has been littered with insomnia, but it is not uncommon, rather a childhood trait, but lately, stress dreams has been haunting. There was a period of time when I did have nightmares on a nightly basis but it was a while ago.

And I remember last night, when I couldn't fall asleep at 4++, I was afraid to sleep, afraid of another nightmare, but I forced myself to, for the clear mind needed for tomorrow's exam.

Daunting dreams of similar nature, of myself cheating, and of being cheated on, with such clarity and precision of details they alarm and terrorize me.

Help. Help.

; cute without the e

Being happy comes with a price.

The perpetual fear that eventually, all this will go away.

Sigh. There's no point in worrying, there's only embracing the present, while it lasts.

; you ni bian you wo

I've long realised the joys of sitting in front of my comp with a fag and my fave songs. But only now do I discover that besides brushing the petty miseries of life aside, it takes away the good feelings as well, leaving me empty and back to my ol' jaded self.

But it was a good end to the week, meeting Michie Sis and having baby by my side always ends up well no matter how fucked up I feel before hand.

No more earlier hostile thoughts towards anyone, my anger comes and go really quick I guess.

Sigh. To my sis, like what I whispered to you earlier, yeah, we might have our little disagreements and unhappiness like any other people, but know that we're always sisters. Almost half a year since we got our matching tattoos, and I usually just look at it with unseeing eyes. But when I showered earlier, I stroked it gently, it's more than bodyart, it's a symbol of our years of sisterhood. And there's so much I want to tell you, and so tightly I wish to hold you and take your pain and tears away. But I'm helpless and I hate the unkind knowledge of that that won't seem to go away. And your tears make me cry harder than yourself. A little outside, but so much more within.

Oh I just heard the good news. THEY PATCHED. Lol. Okay now this emo post makes me feel so foolish. But whatever. Heehee. Okay. You owe me a treat since it was MY IDEA TO SECRETLY CALL CALV.

I love my Michie too. What will I do without you. With you I feel so completely safe and at ease. Like there's some guardian angel looking out for me. Fuck this sounds wrong and all but yeah. Hehe.

And baby. I can write essays on how happy I am with you. But.. yeah I don't wanna jinx anything. Haha, guess I'm silly superstitious this way.

Sometimes, I feel this is all I need to complete me. With my little girl lying on my lap, and the knowledge that my family's sound asleep, near and close to heart as well.

I don't need the brands, I don't need the popularity I used to be part of. I'm happy now. Of course, losing 10 kgs would be nice, but yeah. It's more a want than a need now. Hahaha.

Josh, Kitty, Vic, Leo, and many others, I haven't forgotten you guys. And I haven't forgotten you either. But, I'm happy now.

; every heart

I remember I had this huge urge to blog earlier but I was so exhausted I fell asleep instead.

Yeah. Uh. Few issues.

When I got home, my mom asked whether I saw my bro's arm. And I was like huh no he's not home. I thought like. Damn more injuries from fights? Then she said. He did what you use to do. Drew on his arm with a knife just because he was unhappy. Must have watched too much telly shows or something. Goodness.. -_- Must be courtesy of that girlfriend of his, he told me she's been lying so much and driving him nuts. I want to give her a tight slap. Ha I'm so immature sometimes. Still talking about slapping people. That's for all the twits of the world.

And er. Oh yeah Eng paper. Guess what came up for the one word essay? Dreams. This is more ridiculous than Marriage. And unlike this year, I didn't feel like I came up with the best compo of my life. Damn it. Mom was like why should you be stressed for this paper, no matter how it turns out you have an A2 to fall back on. But see. If I get anything lesser than an A2, it will mean I've lost touch and become a grade dumber. And if by luck I manage an A2 again, it'll mean I've not grown more intelligent despite being a year older. Grrr.

What else. Oh yes I think I've the slight ability to convert people into liking whatever I like. Haha like the boyfriend likes Ben&Jerry's but now he's digging Haagen Daaz. Oh speaking of icecream he was so sweet I just casually mentioned I prefer coffee cos he got two random flavours, and the next thing I heard, he bought it and I had like 1/4 of a tub last night. Yummy.

I hate people gloating at misfortunes of others. I hate smug people. Okay granted I do have my smug moments but I don't like do it in such a In Your Face way yo.

And I really think Michie should blog so I can know what's going on with her life.

Okay yawnsie two sticks since I woke up and I feel like chain smoking a lil longer.

Tatas.

; superman

Judy's blog.

This weekend I met a korean boy, and he was by far the most gentlemanly guy I've ever met. He really knows how to take care of girls and he actually paid for every single thing. Although I don't like him in that way, I can see why korean guys are the new guy of the mo. Singaporean guys really have alot to live up to, if girls compare them to the koreans. I mean, how often do your Singaporean guys hold the door open for you or buy flowers for you or refuse to let you pay for your food or let you decide on where to go and what to eat or wait for your food to come before getting started on theirs or are willing to send you home/stay with you in the city to wait for a friend because its not safe? Rarely, I'd say.

Ahaha. Having been in St. Francis (an international school made up of students from S'pore, Malaysia, Thailand, Indo, Korea, Japan,Columbia, Phillipines, Laos, Cambodia, Myanmar, Aussie, Britain, America, Canada, and a few other minorities that I can't seem to remember), I have to say that indeed Koreans win the most gentlemen award, hands down. I'm too tired to elaborate right now but yes. Apart from their extreme love of smoking and drinking that is.

Okay lets see. My boyfriend doesn't hold the door open for me but he waits for me to go outta the room or whatever before he does, or if he goes ahead he remembers to hold my hand. He doesn't buy flowers but I do get the occasional lil suprise gift ^^. I hardly ever pay for my food, I'm ALWAYS made to decide where to go and what to eat, he doesn't eat before I do and if I don't like my food I know I can change mine for his hehehe and he's willing to send me home or hang out with me because I forgot my keys and can't go home til dawn.

Hehehehe not too bad huh. I love you baby.

; endless love

could've been so beautiful, could've been so right..

Headache on and off today, but I don't wanna pop another panadol for temporary relief.

Reading her musings reminds me that she's another very human teenage girl, struggling with her own growing pains. And I feel guilt and I feel sorry for my bitching, influenced, private, but bitching nontheless. Maybe this is a sign, a sign that I'm growing up. Or simply, developing a more profound conscience.

Yearning for peace. A weird remark, huh? It's just that life is so terribly conflicted and muddled and everything sometimes. The ups and downs of my friends affect me adversely, my sis's break up gnaws at me with an unexplainable ache, Michie's obvious heartache (yeah deny it if you want babe haha) leaves tiny pinpricks in my heart as well.

I think I'm just tired, 4 hours rest littered with stress dreams since yesterday night is taking it's toil on me.

And the conflict with a loved one adds to the infinite burden I feel on my shoulder right now. It's always the night, the nights, when I muse and regret, and make wishes that I know won't come true.

I remember Cx telling me, 5 months ago, that time will heal all wounds, and mend all that is broken. It seems like a lifetime ago, but the fact is, some things will never turn out right, no matter how we hope, no matter how we try.

I know I reiterate this issue most often, but I can't help it. Love, friendship, popularity, everything is ephemeral. I've had it all, and I've lost it all. A 'theory' from my lit text, life is nothing but illusions we must overcome, life is nothing but an eventual lead to separation and lonliness. So sad, but true.

To be honest, I've been a lucky girl. Silver spoon, as people tell me. A close knit family. Brains, if I chose to, or I'm not too lazy to use them. And since primary school to the three secondary schools, I've been in the 'popular' or 'cool' clique. But why does she cry? Why the suicide attempt at 14, and the clinical depression years after?

Excessive paranoia, the occasional depressed bouts. I'm not trying to justify my weakness by claiming it's part of the medical yadayadayada. And I know it's not an excuse. I yearn so much for a life of simplicity. The belief that everything will eventually be okay? It's all in the mind, but I can't help it. Has it been instilled, from the formative years, and destined to haunt me for life? I know I sound overly melodramatic, but I really do feel this way.

I fear loss. I'm afraid of the emptiness that comes after loss. A chinese idiom, Na de qi, fang de xia. But it's na de qi, fang bu xia for me. If you pick something up, you have to be able to put it down. It's a lesson I never can comprehend. Regardless of all sense and reason, it's always been this way. Letting go of anything at all is like a tough struggle against a mountain lion or something.

It's been a while since I felt this emo-ness.

Sometimes I wonder, if love has been downgraded to a mere carnal act. And also I ponder, why does the suffering always seem to fall on the females. Not unlike my 'I would take bullets for you, but would you, for me? I doubt' theory. This applies to friendship as well. I remember Calv on that possesed night. And I know Sis would have willingly be the recipient of pain, for him. But if it was the other way round, it seems near impossible. I'm fond of Calv, in the platonic sense, but I don't think he would make such a sacrifice.

The theory is perhaps self-centered-ish, I think too highly of my empathy, and my 'unselfishness' (I am selfish in many other ways, I know) when it comes to lives, literal lives of my friends. Even if the victim was her, I won't hesitate to take the bullet. I know I won't. No strings attached.

But for me? Who would, besides my family. Would you people do it for me? I'm not questioning the.. I don't know what term to use, of my friends, you guys get the drift. It's just a jaded and bitter thought that comes into mind occasionally.

; bai se feng che

Oh and I forgot to mention, I lost my handphone again. 2nd time in two months, but this time I lost it AT HOME. I don't wanna pursue the matter but I really want my Simcard back. And God I hope it's the maid and not my brother tt's been stealing stuff. Money is bad enough, but a HANDPHONE is simply, utterly, ridiculously ludicrous.

And I miss my boyfriend already. I miss him whenever he's not around. I half wish we're livin together like Ww and Calv =O

I got this quote off Sel's blog,

I might have been in love before, but it never felt this strong.

I couldn't answer him when he asked whether he was the one I loved most in my life. Which is less than a quarter of a century. How do you define, and compare love? What about those you loved, but now you think of them with contemption and disgust, but when you doubt you ever loved, past blog entries speak louder than anything else.

Bah. I shall stay at home and wait for Baby's call. I wanna eat cheese cake and drink coffee bean ultimate iceblend with delectable whip cream. Coffee bean's whipped cream is seriously dope shit. Nothing else compares.

; creep

A ridiculously simple paper and I can screw up due to the lack of time.

Fuck perfectionist tendencies. Fuck trying to write bigger.

Forget 35/50, the usual humanities score. Think definite 30 and below.

Forget A1, I should be thankful for a B3.

I swear I hate the world.

The results doesn't really affect me any way, not going through the conventional routes of JC nor poly. But it sure takes a severe beating of the ego.

I'm contemplaing not going overseas next year, but staying in Sg. Private law and psychology diplomas for basic, then head overseas the year after.

Fuck. Help me get through this. 2 down. 4 to go.

; i think god can explain

There's alot of things I understand, and there's alot of things that I don't wanna know. But you're the only face I recognise, and it's so damn sweet of you to look me in the eyes.

It's alright, I'm okay, I think God can explain,
I believe I'm the same I get carried away.
It's alright, I'm okay, I think God can explain,
I'm relieved, I'm relaxed, I'll get over it yeah.

The scent of Vaseline in the summertime, the feel of an ice cube melting over time. Well the world seems bigger than both of us, yet it seems so small when I begin to cry.

I'm so much better than you guessed,
I'm so much bigger than you guessed,
I'm so much brighter than you guessed.


Win sent me this song, and I guess it speaks alot of the world, and majority of the aching humanity hanging around.

; random

I should be solving this whole issue in a more mature way, but sometimes, even the best of us choose to settle for the easy way out.

Clarification, you do not repulse me. Neither do I harbour the slightest resentment towards you.

Indignity and annoyance were certain, when I read the harsh entry, as well as hearing from more than a couple that "I do not allow him to talk to you" which was untrue, but it condensed into understanding of what you once told me 'malicious bouts of anger' which I feel, is justified by my not groundless, in my opinion, and definitely not personal but nevertheless, indeniably childish and irrational insecurity.

This isn't a defence from any attack, more like a gesture of.. I don't know. After all, we were friends, albeit not the closest, but I did enjoy your easygoing and amiable company.

Issue closed, and there's no need for any comments from anyone else (:

; ride with me

Talking to Quikz overwhelmes me with nostalgia.

More tomorrow, lazy to type.

; that's when i love you

when you have t look away
when you don't have much t say
tt's when i love you
i love you jus tt way

t hear you stumble when you speak
or see you walk with two left feet
tt's when i love you
i love you endlessly

and when you're mad cos you lost the game
forget i'm waiting in the rain
baby i love you i love you anyway

so when you turn t hide your eyes
cos the movie made you cry
tt's when i love you
i love you a lil more each time

and when you can't quite match your clothes
or when you laugh at your own jokes
tt's when i love you
i love you more than you know

and when you forget tt we had a date
and tt look tt you give when you show up late
baby i love you i love you anyway

so here's my promise made tonight
you can count on me for life
the more i learn the more i long
the more my heart can't get enough

tt's when i love you, when nothing baby, nothing you do can change my mind
tt's when i love you, when i love you no matter what (:


I love you baby.

; midnight highway

It's so ironic that I can be stress up to my knees with the looming exams (tomorrow is the big day to be exact) and issues of my own, and yet have the strength to be fuming over matters that my cousin put it so plainly with a look of amusment on her face, "It's none of your business."

But still! Okay I had this feeling the guy in question was him all along, but it was just a guess.. How could he! Whatever happened to those proclamations of love to his girlfriend, one of the sweetest, loveliest girls I've ever had the fortune to meet?!

Oh my god.

You know, they say ignorance is bliss. I WISH I CAN BE STUPID AND IGNORANT. But then again, I would be further more traumatised by my discovery... GRRR!

Half of me feels thankful I'm outta StFrancis and the people both past and present. Another half feels nostalgia. But I guess that's me, an overwhelming bundle of contradictions.

And in case my boyfriend complains I don't blog about him..

I love you loh. Hahahahaha. ^^ Baby wO aI nI mAny mAny wOrx!

; saving me

show me what it's like, to be the last one standing..

I can remember Natalie's heartbreak most vividly in my head. And truth be told, I was steamrolled by insane guilt being the unwitting third party in her relationship with Sam, despite repeated assurances from both of them, that they were on the rocks, and I was but the catalyst that led to the breakup.

There was self loathing, misery and anger directed at Sam, his selfishness and nonchalance towards Natalie, and for placing me into that one way predicament. She was his girlfriend for a couple of months, while she was but, an unknown face from a blog I chanced across, composing essay after essay of sorrow and agony. So why was I the one suffering from tremendous pity and overwhelming self reproach?

And then I replayed my breakup with Sam. Up to now, I'm fairly uncertain, one moment he denied, the next he claimed this and that, but there was this sick feeling in the stomach at that point, that I was the next Natalie. Who was the next Jieying, who was the next Becky. Or at least, that was what Natalie told me.

There was one particular incident that remain fresh in my mind. Maybe cos I'm afraid, repetition of history. Before we started the dating ritual couples go through, which means friends, but he expressed attraction and interest yada yada, he had to go over to Natalie's place for a couple of days, yeah (pretend like everything was normal) and he actually snucked a couple of calls and texts to me, while telling me not to reply. Stuff like I miss you and I can't get you off my mind. And more nonsense like, I didn't even feel like kissing Natalie anymore. I was angry and indignant and it tore me apart to imagine Natalie lying in his embrace, warm and happy, all the time unknowing to his betrayal.

And I'm sorry for the mistrust, it eats me up too but it was instilled within from bad experiences. I think I'm losing it.

At the end of the day, all the I love yous in the world don't seem real after all.

Loves to Mich and Kitty, thanks for being here with rational advice before I drown under massive waves of insecurity and doubt.

; waiting for you

Sometimes, you lose faith, and you lose hope that eventually, everything will turn out right.

Then, you make it through the day, but there are the long cold nights that never seem to end.

And when you feel too weary to reach out for that life-saving buoy, that's when you know you're in major trouble, of sinking and dying.

My flu is killing me too.

Better off asleep courtesy of the pills, but for the long tiring maze of stress dreams.

Standing at the rooftops, everybody scream your heart out.
Standing at the rooftops, everybody scream your heart out.

; coma white

There's something cold and blank behind her smile
She's standing on an overpass in her miracle mile

"You were from a perfect world
A world that threw me away today
Today to run away.."

Her mouth was an empty cut
and she was waiting to fall
Just bleeding like a polaroid that
lost all her dolls

A pill to make you numb
A pill to make you dumb
A pill to make you anybody else
But all the drugs in this world won't save her from herself.


*not popping, no worries, myloves. (:

; already dead

Everyone is so intrigued by Death Note, and I'm no exception! Everybody loves Wikipedia, the one stop site for anything 101. Hehehe.

And I guess I needa stop assuming, then pitying people. I felt so foolish, remembering my indignity and outrage for the 'poor' girl. Must always remember, there's two sides to a story. Oh wait, lemme act wise and all knowing, there are three sides to a story, the two parties' and the truth.

My throat is so bruised it hurts like fuck everytime I swallow. Why do we need to swallow so often! The flu and cough's not helping things either. Exam stress, I swear. Everytime exam dates draw near I will miraculously fall ill.

And my mom told me dad is seriously considering slicing the already meagre pocket money, AND rather than the svelte body I'd been dreaming of, I am now merely a notion short of being a Pudge.

Enough about the Por Ol Me stuff.

Met up with the people I loved yesterday. (:

And now I'm home with the people I love most in the world, my brothers my cousin my babygirl and mom just reached home and she's warming up home made barley for me which I'm not too fond of, but I shall drink it anyway in appreciation of how she made it especially for me.

TP holidays are so over, and those TP buggers who promised to hang during their hols are now back to school again. Leo, you're one of them so don't think telling me to meet up at the airport while you are working is going to pacify me.

I haven't seen Vic in ages. I miss her. And Raes hasn't been online in a mullun years, guess she's up to her nosey in college, those guys and varisity volleyball and the like. It's amazing how we remain so similar despite her being half way across the world. Emails long overdued.

Umm okay I'm gonna re-read Death Note again.

I'm going to be the only mofo heading into the exam halls with 5 days worth of studying for each paper, I swear.

And if I bleed, I'll bleed knowing you don't care.
And if I sleep just to dream of you, I'll wake without you there.

Sudden burst of emoism. Fuck the world. Childish, I know but I can't think of a more precise way to put it across.

dan mungkin bila nanti, kita kan bertemu lagi
satu pintaku jangan, kau coba tanyakan kembali
rasa yang kutinggal mati
seperti hari kemarin, saat semua disini

; because of you

Oh and I forgot to mention,

to all those sweetings who's been holding your breaths with me, here's the good news!

THE BLOOD CAME!! YESTERDAY NIGHT!!

Only in a most untimely.. point of time. I thought I would be so relieved once it came, but I was cursing and swearing when the ********* found out. Yeah I didn't discover it myself.. get the drift?

This is almost as funny as the Michelle in my toilet with the toothbrush and 'paste. I'm sorry I can't elaborate both incidents, both the best and boy friends will kill me.

Use your imagination, think grossly hilarious...

Hahahaha!

; ectasy

Omg.

This weird unknown actually translated my blog into an unknown language to faciliate reading or something! I think it's spanish or russian or other.. cool! -_-

And some person (I bet some crazy girl in love or something) actually typed Leoieee into blogger search and poof my blog came up! HAHAHA. Is my bro attractive or what. I swear he's so hot with all the girls.

Hurrah for log checkers! Hahaha!

; an jing

Disillusioned.

just think of this and me as just a few of the many things to lie around, to clutter up your shelves.

; ai mei

That was quick.

And I could go on and on bitching about how someone who supposedly loves me with all he's got doing the one thing he protested vehemently against the second we broke up.

But what for?

Sometimes I wish I was born stupid, then I wouldn't be able to track visitors and put two and two together.

I think I'm having another headache and whatnots, say hello to the toilet, my new best friend.

/edit: i shouldn't bother but saddens somehow, i draft a single line; understandable anger, once bitten twice shy, but you heard a side without the other, so miscommunication kills it all.

; missing

Still I hesitate at the delete button of an entire folder of 99 texts.

The momentary lapse of my own uncertainty saved them all.

But eradication will proceed, I promise, the very minute confirmation hails, of the re-enacted lie one never admitted to, one which I once turned a closed eye to, but not anymore and never again.

And then, I guess, that will be the final goodbye.

; the one i love

Day before yesterday, Sunday, Dad decided to become the world's best host for a steamboat dinner, which means many many uncles and an over enthusiastic auntie, enticing aroma and blinding steam of boiling seafood, the glare of the telly of a soccer match with the occasional 'GOAL!' and 'SAYANG LA' (wasted!), alcohol, smokes and even a a mini gambling den in my living room. God you should see the stacks of fifties on the table usually cluttered with little whatnots.

I was telling the brother, here's when our smoking finally comes of good in the family, Dad felt no guilt at all engulfing our little humble abode in smokes and liquor since WE smoke and drink like nobody's business anyway. -_- Like, when Kenny (the guy manning our handphone shop) went out to smoke, see consideration for peoples' children, people) went outta the house to smoke, and my brother after he finished dinner, Dad shooed them in, like HEY YOU CAN SMOKE IN THE HOUSE!

But Mom was being sucha snob, she refused to allow the brother to take off his shirt cos of his tattoos which was so, hello woman! You've accepted ours so hey why not embrace our coolness (foolishness of youth, actually) and not be embarrased of what's already permanently etched on the body. Then the silly woman who can't hold her liquor started chilling in her room denying her OBVIOUS sehness and refuted my concern and teachings of medicated oil with a 'I'm emo-ing (she used the term gek-sim) over you kids sigh'. Love my mom she's so sweet and so cute though. Couple of days ago I was making fun of her hitting the big 40 this year and she gave me a big grin and told me she feels so young like 20 at heart and stuff.

And the brother decided to invite Xxiang and Pui over, and we ktved then gossiped the night away. It was bright eight when the cousin fell asleep and the boys left.

Was pretty grumpy and too lethargic to go out, but I felt guilty for being sucha total sloth so I changed and went out with the boyfriend for dinner.

And decided last minute to join the rabbits (Sis and Calv, short form from now onwards okay ^^) for dinner cos we couldn't make up our minds what to eat as usual. I'm so indecisive I swear I'll never get to ever naming my future child or even deciding what to feed it, vegetable or meat or fish porridge in the years to come.

Got psychoed (more like forced with tantrums of guess who) into a movie at Marina Square. Death Note was good. The mastery of weaving and manipulating, oohlala.

It's so nice to be able to not dress up not slap on any make up and have my boyfriend kiss me and tell me you're so pretty baby hehehe even tho I'm sure he was trying to direct me away from some annoying thing or other that he did or said.

And it's sweet that he can still make my heart skip a couple of beats and making me think wow so handsome!! when he was standing outside my door with this shy expression I don't know where that came from and his hair done a lil different from usual.

We made it through the first month, and here's to the many months to come. Love (:

Now for the blood to come and to hit the beds.

Goodnight world.

; still

Headache, and a slight fever going on.

Life's difficult, when you find it hard to trust those closest to you.

; sweetest goodbye

7 RANDOM FACTS ABOUT ME:

• i recently began playing spider solitaire alot online
  
• every mon weds fri i attempt to start a new leaf (diet, study, etc)
  
• i think madonna is kinda ugly
  
• i use to scorn lights smokers but now it's lights ftw!
  
• i am a very scenty person who loves my parfumsssss
  
• i like to look at my boyfriend's profile as in side view morons
  
• the only combs i use are brushes
  

7 THINGS THAT SCARES ME:

• scary movies
  
• RODENTS ugh nasty hairy little things
  
• my dad oh and my boyfriend's sister
  
• moments of excessive emoness
  
• boys crying
  
• tt's gotta be mich when she wakes up first thing in the morning HEHE WHO ASK YOU TAG ME
  
• bad dreams
  

7 FAVOURITE MUSIC AT THE MOMENT:

• evanescence - missing
  
• nickelback - far away (all time)
  
• life house - blind
  
• jay chou - tui hou
  
• 5ive - closer to me
  
• faye wong - eyes on me
  
• chemical romance - welcome to the black parade
  

7 PEOPLE I FANCY:

• johnny depp
  
• jay chou
  
• cough
  
• cough
  
• cough
  
• omg tt hot guy in evanescence's call me when you're sober video
  
• baby ^^
  

7 THINGS I SAY MOST:

• fuck
• HEHE (pronounced like hee hee)
  
• omgod
  
• eeek
  
• wahlao
  
• why you __ insert verb, adjective (eg. shameless, dream, think too much etc)
  
• yah loh yah loh (in a v irritating manner)
  

7 THINGS I LIKE MOST:

• good company fags nothing really to do but chill = for the win
  
• bonding sessions with my dog
  
• singing ktv
  
• haagen dazz coffee ice cream
  
• not having to study ^^
  
• left alone with no interruptions to a good book
  
• good pampering massage hell knows i need one
  

; pain for pleasure

The web is a wicked web of massive deceit, every page another stage for someone else's conceit, and even when we join beneath a banner as a unit, we are liars sniping liars on a battleground of bullshit.

; november rain

MEMO

The rules:

Bold the statements that are true to you.
Italise the statements that you WISH are true. Leave the Fibs alone.

Then, stab 5 people to do the same test.

I miss somebody right now.
I don’t watch tv these days.
I wear glasses or contact lenses
I love to play video games.
I’ve tried marijuana.
I have been in a threesome.
I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
I have changed mentally over the last year.
I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
I curse.
I’m totally smart.
I’ve broken someone’s bones.
I’m paranoid sometimes.
I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
I need money right now.
I love sushi.
I talk really,really fast.
I have long hair.
I have lost money in Las Vegas.
I have at least one sibling.
I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.
I couldn’t survive without Caller ID
I like the way I look.
I am usually pessimistic.
I have a lot of mood swings.
I have a hidden talent.
I’m always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.
I have a lot of friends.
I am currently single.
I have pecked someone of the same sex.
I enjoy talking on the phone.
I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
I love to shop.
Enjoy window shopping.
I would rather shop than eat.
I’m a pretty good dancer.
I’m completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
I don't hate anyone.
I have a cell phone.
I believe in God.
I watch MTV on a daily basis.
I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
I’ve rejected someone before.
I want to have children in the future.
I have changed a diaper before.
I’ve called the cops on a friend before.
I’m not allergic to anything.
I have a lot to learn.
I have made a move on a friend’s significant other or crush in the past.
I have tried alcohol before.
I own the “South Park” movie.
I would die for my best friends.
I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
I'm shy around members of the same sex.
I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it.
I am happy at this moment!
I’m obsessed with guys.
I study for tests most of the time.
I am comfortable with who I am right now.
I have more than just my ears pierced.
I walk barefoot wherever I can.
I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I've ever met.
I have jumped off a bridge.
I love sea turtles.
I worked at McDonald’s restaurant.
I hate office jobs.
I love sci-fi movies.
Plan on achieving a major goal/dream.
I'm proficient in a musical instrument.
I think water rules.
I went college out of state.
I like sausages.
I love kisses.
I fall for the worst people.
I adore bright colours.
I can’t live without black eyeliner.
I don’t know why the hell I just did this stupid thing.
I usually like covers better than originals.
I can pick up things with my toes.
I can’t whistle.
I can move my tongue in waves, much like a snake’s slither.
I have ridden/owned a horse.
I still have every journal I’ve written in.
I can’t stick to a diet.
I talk in my sleep.
I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions.
I have jazz in my blood.
Climbing trees is a brilliant past-time.
I wear a toe ring.
I can’t stand at LEAST one person that I work with.
I am a caffeine junkie.
I cosplay or know what cosplaying is.
I have been to over 15 conventions.
I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical the better.
I’m an artist.
I only clean my room when necessary.
I like a person of the same sex.
I love being happy.
I am an adrenaline junkie.

; because of you

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did, you fell so hard
I learnt the hard way to never let it get that far

I lose my way, and it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break when it wasn't even whole to start with

I watch you die I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young you should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else you just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night for the same damn thing

Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you I learnt to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you I find it hard not only me but everyone around me

Because of you I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you I am afraid

; buttons

First, half the cake disappeared.

Then, my money disappeared.

In my own fucking house, with everyone denying responsibility.

Fuck the world,

I wish I can just disappear too.

; zhi neng bao zhe ni

I can't fathom the cause of the sluggishness overwhelming me lately.

This is the worst time possible, no?

; closer to me

If only, if only friends will never stray.

Perhaps I am to blame, for being what Josh labelled, a drifter.

Too many cliques, and I can't keep up, thus eliciting unspoken goodbyes.

I always knew there would be an insurmountable price to pay,
Still, that doesn't make this loss hurt any less.

Is this destined, cos I wonder:
How many people have I loved and lost, and how many more do I have left to love, and to lose?

; i've never been to me

Rather than an extremely emo post, let it fade, unspoken. Because this lyrics sing volumes for me.


Hey lady, you lady, cursing at your life.
I've no doubt you dream about the things you never do.
But I wish someone had talked to me like I wanna talk to you.

I've been to Georgia and California and anywhere I could run.
But I ran out of places and friendly faces because I had to be free.

Please lady, please lady, don't just walk away.
Cos I had this need to tell you why I'm all alone today.
I can see so much of me still living in your eyes.
Won't you share a part of a weary heart that has lived a million lives?

But I, I took the sweet life, I never knew I'll be bitter from the sweet.

I've been to paradise, but I've never been to me.

; falling out of love

So sad, but true.

I use to scorn all those lil twits who cut themselves. Like, ha! Multitude of little attention seekers rising up these days. Cut and show the world. My time, when I did so, it was few and far between and we were so ashamed of this weakness, we hid it from vision.

Perhaps I was too hard on them, too self absorbed that I forgot everyone had different, growing pains.

A friend of mine did something silly again. I'm unsure whether she cut herself, or she took pills. She was a popular girl with a really wide social circle. Rich, pretty, and smart too. She really had it all, know what I mean? I was suprised when she started emo blogging about a guy who got her down. I mean, it happened once before and she got upset, but she stood up soon after. Not so this time. She fell apart.

Another friend was a girl. Not quite the average one. She was extremely well to do, and had very different.. how do you put it, interests and beliefs from typical girls. Maybe it was due to the fact that she was more of a.. 'bung' to put in gently in her younger days. But she's since evolved into a gorgeous swan. She was conservative beyond her years, clubbing and smoking is wrong, sex before marriage morally incorrect that sorta thing. Hell even revealing clothes and make up (except for special occasions) were a sin with her around. Thus I was startled to learn she once had an overdosage of paracetamol and now have liver problems which will probably stay with her for life.

Not unlike myself.

I guess, shit happens to even the best of us.


Note: Please take good care Plynn. You were meant to live, for so much more.

; you and i both

I've been feeling the sudden whim to ktv so much these couple of days. But where have all my kakis gone? It's been almost a year since the nightly ktv routines with another group I christianed, the People.

The younger brother is watching E Mo Zai Shen Bian in the parents' room. First the cousin, then him. I keep hearing bits and pieces from it and it's getting annoying cos it's the third time it's replaying in my house! Grrr!

For some inexplicable reason, I dread the turning ons of the computer lately. No longer do I enjoy hours spent sitting in front of the computer, friendship bonding through msn and everything. Even the old ritual of smoking while listening to music seems to irk me incessantly.

Ah well.

; warmness of the soul

Hey lush, have fun, it's the weekend!


So, the life pretty much revolves around the boyfriend these days.

But suprisingly, I'm not tired of it yet.

Even though he does annoy the shit outta me sometimes. He's still the best.

Hehehehe here goes my por lan pa attitude.

; bai se feng che

Maybe it's the heart rending vocals of Jay Chou or the effect of J*'s blog pulling at the strings of the carrier of blood, but I feel like shit now.

I swear guys can be so heartless.

You chased her like nobody's business. Then you leave her like nobody's business.

Fuck.

Poor girl.

; torn

I really should stop doing the speed reading thing, but I couldn't seem to put the book down until I finished it, such a captivating read it was.

Geisha of Gion, Mineko Iwasaki.

300+ pages with tiny font since last night, and my head is spinning now.

Which reminds me of how I finished a 700 hundred page book in 6 hours. Haha.

Yawn I'm so tired. :|

; when you told me you loved me

Save the tears, ramblings, and the heartbreak for the private one.

; hen xiang shuo

nan dao:
xiao rang mei le, ju li you le, kuai le ye zou le.
hai shi zhen xin si le bi ci bu xin ren le,
zong yu dong le,
zhen de,

hen xiang shuo you ni shi xin fu de,
hen xiang shuo wo de xin shi ni de,
hen xiang shuo ni zhen de wu jie le,
hen xiang shuo ni zhen de wang ji le.

hen xiang shuo hui hao hao deng ni de,
hen xiang shuo ai ni shi zhi you de,
hen xiang shuo ni shi fou ting jian le,
hen xiang shuo ni zhen de wang ji le,

my love.

; missing

Please, please forgive me,
But I won't be home again.
Maybe someday you'll wake up, and barely concious,
You'll say to no one:

Please, please forgive me,
But I won't be home again.
I know what you do to yourself.
Shudder deep and cry out:

"Isn't something missing?"

You won't cry for my absence I know.
You forgot me long ago.
Am I that unimportant?
Am I so insignificant?

Isn't something missing,
Isn't someone missing me?

Even though I'll be sacrificed,
You won't try for me not now.
Though I'll die to know you love me,
I'm all alone.

And if I bleed, I'll bleed,
Knowing you don't care.
And if I sleep just to dream of you,
I'll wake without you there.

Isn't something missing,
Isn't someone missing me?

; stand by me

Wow, I realised me, the blog whore hasn't been blogging as often as usual these days.

I don't know why either.

Maybe cos some stuffs I want to, I gotta keep private.

So if those close friends wants to know more, text or call me cos I don't feel the urge, more like ugh thinking of sitting in front of the computer for hours and hours.

Been having the boyfriend over and staying at his place for I can't remember, the past five days in a row? Either by ourselves or with friends like James Calv Ww. Suffering from withdrawal symptoms now and I'm feeling pretty grumpy.

And I can't think of anything else to say.

Oh yes. The boyfriend hates girls who cheat on their boyfriends and we had two examples in front of us so far. And I wonder why these girls choose the routes they did. I mean, okay so you think the next guy is better. Why don't you dump your man and go for him then? They just want to have their cakes, and eat it too. Which leads me to the selfishness of all humanity. Their insatiable appetites and senseless cravings for all things better, yet with the smart but conniving mentality to keep what they have, so they'll have a back up plan to fall back on, a trump card.

Ah wells, just a thought.

I'm feeling pretty lonely home alone with non but the baby and the little brother and the maid who are lost in their own little world (yes the dog is on my lap but she's sleeping!) to accompany me. Then I think about who I'll be hanging out with after O's. So many to catch up with. Sigh. Emo. Chill chill, one and a half more months to go to freedom.

I want sushi and I want a kimono dress. *whines

Have a good day.

Needa collect lit and Ss/hist notes from school. Yay mom's driving ^^

but that doesn't mean, i love you any less.

; missing

It's terrifying how someone can look you in the eyes with numerous promises of love, then be the one you witness with your very own burning pupils, stabbing you right in the back with a silent, brutal flash of steel.

; i won't see you tonight (part 1)

Cry alone, I've gone away. No more nights, no more pain. I've gone alone, took all my strength. I've made the change, I won't see you tonight.

Building up inside of me, a place so dark so cold, I have to set me free. Don't mourn for me, you're not the one that place the blame. As bottles call my name, I won't see you tonight.

Sorrow sank deep inside my blood. All the ones around me I cared for, and most of all I loved, but I can't see myself that way. Please don't forget me or cry when I'm away.

So far away, I'm gone. Please don't follow me tonight. And while I'm gone, everything will be alright.

No more breath inside, essence left my heart tonight.

; ni zui zhen gui

Too tired to protest or question further.

I'll just accept whatever comes next, what else can I do now?

; li xiang qing ren

Drained.

Worn-out.

Neck, back and fingers are screaming in agony.

Forget blogging when all the brain juices are devoted to the books and more books.

; where are you now

I was thinking, one month would never be enough for heavy cramming of 2 years worth of lessons, homework and examinations.

Then I thought, the year before:

I stepped, nervously, no doubt, into the English examination hall(classroom actually) with no revision, and no lesson for half a year, then(or was it before) into the Chinese one with 3 days worth of limited studying, and no lesson for 2 years.

Ace!

No pressure on the parents side, I could flunk my ass out and know they're still proud of their daughter dear, and never deem her unworthy or mediocre in any way.

So the battle's my own. The pride to do well, to prove myself capable of academic success.

Everything else is going well and right on track,

blessed with the best;Family, Friends, Boyfriend.

Happy and contented with the world at this point, but too much love is never enough.

Still, technically.. Asi es Perfecto.

; my heroine

Everything comes with a price.

And I guess it's payback time now.

Please don't let this distract this critical period, I need full concentration to mug.

; it is you (i have loved)

Lacking of substantial posts in the recent, I see.

But one thing I realised after blogging for 3 or 4 years, is that the best musings, from myself at least, results from excessive emo-ness. Which means I've been pretty happy these days.

What can I say, the boy rocks my socks?

Nah, it's just that. Some things I can't pronounce openly, not even on my ranting ground. Michie and Cousin dearest are my only trustworthy vessels to the pouring of woes and whatnots that make up my very complicated life.

On the other hand, my life's only complicated cos of choices I made, but blame me not, for who and certainly not me, mademoiselle can help the output of feelings evolved?

Haven't much time for the little one of late. So I just picked her up and placed her on my lap after kissing her on her furry little cheek. She's my daily dosage of cuteness, those watery huge eyes framed by tender brown lashes, and that soft expression protruding on her apple shaped head. Everybody go AWWWW.

Being the most temperamental creature alive, I thank my baby for putting up with me. Not easy I know, but hey. The benefits are pretty enticing, wouldn't you say?

HEHEHEHE. Omg I can't believe I'm sounding suggestive on a public blog. Time to get a room!

Nightsie!

; i write sins not tragedies

So, it is officially certified that guys in my life are not fond of heavy makeup. In girls I mean.

See, Baby was telling me last night that he thought like, oooh I'm not gonna like this girl(me) more than a platonic friend cos she wears alot of makeup on our first meeting.

And I remember a month or so back, Bk was like. Why your make up so thick!! You don't have to put makeup to see me!! And he started wiping the makeup off my face -.- and.. Okay I shall not elaborate lest the boyfriend gets the wrong idea and gets upset.

And the.. hmm. Yeah lets not mention names, he was like why you put on make up huh huh huh. For who to see? -.-

Last year, at the sight of a very madeup me, Shawn asked, Jov don't you find makeup really plastic? You don't need it.

And I remember Jekong sulking everytime Sheila puts on makeup. And he was grumbling to me.. see her cheeks red red lips pink pink one. Then he rubs it all off -.-

Okay just a thought. I'm sleepy and it's 6pm and I miss my boyfriend but it's 4 more hours till he gets off work.

RAHHHHH.

; cut up angels

So I realised every single person taking O's are mugging their brains out right now, and here I am, prancing around every single day, slacking my life away.

Even Sis got down to her books.

I MUST STUDY ON FRIDAY. MUST STUDY ON FRIDAY.

; smoke puffs

So.. the boy's clubbing tonight and it got me sorely tempted to hit the clubs too.

And the world's not helping. Like Royce wanting to sign me in on the 29th, and the friends claiming I've abandoned them recently..

GRRR NOOO. MUST CONTROL. EXAMS EXAMS.

; i won't see you tonight

It's so scary how these entries seem to speak straight from my heart.

Is it wise to get used to someone? To feel too comfortable?
Sometimes, the more you put in, the less you get.
The more you give, the more there is taken away from you in the end.
I hope it does not happen again.

I'm happy, but in doubt. Im smiling, but for how long? It's not anyone's fault, but people have hurt me too much till I believe there will not be someone who won't try hurting me. I don't know. Paranoia. Insecurity. Inability to trust. Whatever you may call it. I have a right to feel that way. Be it being selfish or not. Isn't it? For now, I'll keep smiling, because nothing bad has happened. (:

Although appearing strong in not letting myself get hurt is only a euphemism for being too weak to trust, Id rather feel that way. People may say this girl is so strong, shes so cold she's iced herself from feeling, from getting hurt. In fact, she's afraid to fall, to trust, because shes too weak to allow herself more trauma.

; si xing bu gai

Somethings, you wish you never know.

How do you react when you discover your cousin dearest has been bitching about you and your brother vehemently, almost viciously to okay, not people, but an inanimate object?

I'll tell you,

You feel sick to the bone.

Everything's blurry, everyone's so fake.

Losing my phone sucks. But the good thing is, at least you're probably in contact with everyone in your phonebook cos they prolly texted you at least once since you got it back. Not like before, when 500 contact spaces weren't enough for me. And not text them in maybe a year or two. So today, I added Adi and Cx to my spanking fresh phonebook ^^

Why's Hzheng looking for me in Gardens? o.o

; dance with my father

I felt slightly emo when I realised Win deleted off most of the testimonials he wrote for me.

I don't feel anger towards him anymore. I just feel regretful that a wonderful friendship has turned out this way.

But that's life.. ups and downs.

Too tired to blog anymore.

; so it's you

I don't know how I managed to upset him in a single phonecall.

I think I'm really bad at this stuff.

Is there any How to be the Perfect Girlfriend 101? =(

; irresistable

I know I can be prickly and my words can sting.

Forgive me.

; one sweet day

I'm at the plateau of life when,

At the end of the day, all the I Love Yous don't seem real after all.

Will you be the one who erases all my doubts, the one who gives me a reason to believe, once again?

; the way i do

I grab every adventure that comes my way, but it's never enough. There's always something even more exciting and wonderful just up ahead, out of reach. I'm terrified at what might happen if I stop chasing after the next thrill.

When I listen to mp3s on an Ipod, I'd switch songs incessantly till I find one I like. After listening for the first minute, I'd move on to another, and the routine continues, until the end of the train ride. I've always wondered why I never managed to finish an entire song, then I realised. I'm afraid I would miss a better one I might enjoy even more, one which might lie just right ahead. But.. what I never learnt was that I might just skip past the best one in my quest for the perfection.

A text from my best friend from secondary school,

(go to view, character encoding, and hit unicode)

得不到的永远是最好的
得到的谓避是最完美的
错过的都只是过去了
重要的是珍惜眼前的人
他才是你的满分

Direct translation for the mandarin-challenged.

What we can't get will always be the best.
What we do get might not be perfect.
What we've lost are but past now.
The important thing is to cherish those in front of you,
They, are your full marks..

More than a couple of people have lectured me on this, that I always want what I can't have. Then, I yearn, I chase, and sometimes I fight for it. I forgot, I overlooked what I have, and I imagine I'll be so happy and contented once I claim my prize. End of the day, I do get what I want. Eventually. But I'd lose what really matters the most. The best things I missed out on, that I'll never have again. And the sad, but ironic thing is, most of the time, I'd lose interest once I've gained my trophy. The vicious cycle repeats like a circle, again and again.

I don't want to reiterate my mistakes.

And end up the one in pain with no one else but myself to blame, once again.

; back at one

Hearing this song doesn't hurt me anymore.

I'm suddenly overwhelmed by I don't know. Affection for Michie.

Maybe it was seeing her profile and seeing three pictures of her with me that did the trick. NOW YOU BETTER DON'T REMOVE OTHERWISE I CRY SHITLOADS LOSER. :X

I love the new pic so much I set it as a wallpaper. The first time I set ANY pic of people on my wallpaper. Generally I like to act deep and all and set abstract pictures. Or plain windows one you know the autumn one which is so pretty? Okay digressed.

And remembering all the times her blog and nicknames revered my name. Hehe I'm sucha braggart.

I feel like crying now. Omg I'm sucha wimp wuss whatever you call it sometimes.

I love my biatch so much and I thank god now for the few goods he's done in my life, throwing the lifetime in the nick of time was definitely one of them.

THANK YOU JESUS TAPDANCING CHRIST THANK YOU ALLAH THANK YOU KRISHNA THANK YOU BUDDHA THANK YOU ALL THE TAOIST GODS THANK YOU MOTHER MARY THANK YOU THANK YOU NOW WHICH GOD DID I MISS?

I should start doing posts for my best friends.

Boy's sleeping in my bed now. I can't believe we both fell asleep, must be the trauma earlier.

The world's smiling tonight.

; whirling fan

Perhaps I overestimated my heart, I deemed it one of stone, but it's still warm and soft and capable of loving after all.

After the crazy ex boyfriend (my first and last serious relationship this year) I swore no guy would ever be able to say "Jovina belongs to me" again.

And after A*w** I swore I would shed no more, weep never for any guy again.

But yes, I've finally met one worthy of that. :D (Omgwtfbbq I sound so high and mighty now.)

-

Just a thought.

Girls are natural bitches of their own species. The occasional hostility, bursts of malicious-ness.And I'm sorry to say I can be one of them, though nowadays I do make a conscientious effort not to.

I'm doing pretty good actually. I only whine or bitch to three people. Michie, Sis, and cousin dearest. I mean, a girl's gotta release her innermost angst to somebody, right!

But I promise to Jesus tapdancing Christ, the five ladies I'll never bitch about. Okay la I'd admit I did, once or twice, but they were under influence, I swear! And thinking of it now makes me insanely guilty. Like, why did I ever say such unkind things about the best things in my life that I love and cherish with all my heart, more than they'll ever know?!

1. Raes
2. Vic
3. Michie
4. Cousin
5. Sis

There you go! I love you five!

Hehehe. Don't you guys admire my PorLanPa(or in this case cheebye) attitude?!

HEHEHEHE I CAN BE SO CRUDE RIGHT. BUT THAT'S ME LA. SO SUE ME. THEY LOVE ME WHAT CAN YOU DO HUH HUH HUH.

I mean every word, with all the sincerity from my heart ^^

I know you guys so wanna hug and kiss me now. *siams HAHAHAHAHA