; hero

Three consecutive days of 'Shakeshake' is taking a major toll on my both my health and mental state.

I'm bloody exhausted, but I don't feel like turning in yet.

Tommy might have to leave.. =( All of us are trying our best to save his ass, but our best.. isn't working at all.

I think I might just take off till Friday. That motivation and drive I had two weeks earlier have since dissipated.

Ahhh the dirty kick is on and off. Bloody annoying. But I think I'm getting psychologically hooked. Despite the screwed up comedown.

2nd cup of orange juice to replenish my worn out system, but damn the house is outta bananas.

Haha, I do my research before it all yah?

I'm still dizzy and I think I'll turn in after I managed the drink and a leak.

; thunder

Well, You've won again, God.

I'm down and out and back to my junkie ways. Did it all go the way you planned?

Think about the numerous blows you've dealt me with, since 2008 begun. And I've conquered them one by one, growing stronger and older, but you couldn't let me keep it that way.

You must really hate me.

; All By Myself

我讨厌 阴天的风 冷得那么刺痛
只有你 能够抚平所有的寂寞

昨天的风筝在角落 被谁丢到了路口
我很不想让你找到离开的理由

每一夜　闭上眼睛 我看到了恶梦
你微笑　但是旁边的人不是我

天空切开一道裂缝 直接割到我心中
不想装作脆弱 也不想爱得懦弱

其实我非常爱你不想失去你
难道我没有权利说我不愿意
你给了他的吻 虽然只有余温
可知道我多渴望抓住你的心

我知道他很爱你你怕他伤心
我每天假装开心害怕你离去

可不可以任性
求求你不要去

藏在我心里　最后一句
其实很爱你

-

分手到底是不是你要的结果
给不了我太多还不准我难过

不知道是为了什么
还要把你无力的爱
记得那么多
怎么放手

也许上天安排你 我擦身而过
我明白和你的爱不可能会有结果

你留下泛黄的承诺 要我抱着你的双手
流着泪不准你走 说我贱我也无话可说

连哭都是我的错
在你面前还要我怎么做
我看见你们拥抱还一笑而过
沉默是我的错

连哭都是我的错
空房间独自等待着日落
爱没有进入身体已经太执着
爱你是我错
连结束也是我的错

-
是否对你承诺了太多 还是我原本给的就不够
你始终有千万种理由 我一直都跟随你的感受
让你疯让你去放纵 以为你有天会感动
关于流言我装作无动于衷

直到所有的梦已破碎 才看见你的眼泪和后悔
我是多想再给你机会 多想问你究竟爱谁
既然爱难分是非 就别逃避勇敢面对
给了他的心 你是否能够要得回

怎么忍心怪你犯了错
是我给你自由过了火
让你更寂寞 才会陷入感情漩涡
怎么忍心让你受折磨
是我给你自由过了火
如果你想飞伤痛我背

; the truth about heaven

i came down here to tell you, it rains in heaven all day along.
i wanna find you so bad, and let you know;
i'm miserable up here without you.


And I thought I'd it all. Well, not all all naturally since my MIA status from the world and the BU with the XBF, but enough to keep my head above water.

I wasn't prepared for the sudden attack.

Now I only want my family to stay so happy together. Is that so much to ask, dear God? And people wonder why I'm silent atheist.

; poison perfume

Nana (old Momo), Dragonfly.

Alcohol, accidents.

Forgetting, falling.

Bed.

; my heroine

the drugs being to peak, a smile of joy arrives in me.
but sedation changes to panic and nausea,
and breath starts to shorten
and heartbeats pound softer
you won't try to save me!
you just want to hurt me and leave me desperate!

you taught my heart, a sense i never knew i had.
i can forget, the times that i was
lost and depressed from the awful truth.
how do you do that?
you're my heroine.

you won't leave me alone!
chisel my heart out of stone, i give in everything.

You won't leave me alone!
Chisel my heart out of stone, I give in everytime.

i bet you laugh at the thought of me thinking for myself.
i bet you believe that i'm better off with you than someone else.
your face arrives again, all hope i had becomes surreal.
but under your covers, more torture than pleasure
and just past your lips there's more anger than laughter.
not now or forever will i ever change you,
i know that to go on, i'll break you my habit!

i'll save myself!

; let me die

I don't know why but I'm in a major /slashwrist mood.

Let me die, now.

; nan ren nu ren

To prevent myself from smacking Kelly that's in my possesion but not mine, I've handed it over to the Sis for safekeeping. So close to fucking away all the promises I made in front of Andy and Leikong but thankfully.

Self control. Self control. Self control.

Relentless, reckless gambling like my own will only lead to a complete loss of dignity for a girl. Ditto those Happy Pills I both yearn and fear.

So it's N A D A for now.

Since the hectic trip to Thai, staying home's been leaving me restless and edgy. Maybe the ol' Jov's emerging again. Oh remember Joshua, clubbing queen, only fifteen?

Anyhootsss...

Work's been mindless fun the last couple of days. A little quieter without Nick no doubt but a lil more peace on the ear too. Haha! I'm like, a makeshift clown for Bryan and Tommy la.

Klutzy me.

; thunder

today is a winding road tt's taking me t places tt i didn't want t go
whoa, whoa
today in the blink of an eye i'm holding on t something and i do not know why
i tried

i tried t read between the lines
i tried t look in your eyes
i want a simple explanation for what i'm feeling inside
i gotta find a way out
maybe there's a way out

your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
do you know you're unlike any other
you'll always be my thunder,
and i said

your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
i don't wanna ever love another
you'll always be my thunder
so bring on the rain
and bring on the thunder

today is a winding road
tell me where t start and tell me something i don't know
whoa whoa

today i'm on my own
i can't move a muscle and i can't pick up the phone
i don't know i don't know i don't know

and now i'm itching for the tall grass
and longing for the breeze
i need t step outside just t see if i can breathe

i gotta find a way out
maybe there's a way out

yeah i'm walking on a tightrope
i'm wrapped up in vines
i think we'll make it out
but you gotta give me time
strike me down with lightning
let me feel your veins
i wanna let you know how much i feel your pain

Yeah I'm walking on a tightrope
I'm wrapped up in vines
I think we'll make it out
But you just gotta give me time
Strike me down with lightning
Let me feel you in my veins
I wanna let you know how much I feel your pain

so bring on the rain
oh baby bring on the pain
and listen to the thunder

; breathe again

I'm so much stronger than both you and I thought I'd be.

Too used to suicidal tendencies, I didn't realise I've outgrown it long, long ago and left it all far far behind.

If only I knew, maybe the prolonged pain (and a certain level of bliss, undeniable) would have ended way before.

Back from Thailand!

I really wanted that ultra cool pair of Vivienne Westwood specs, but Dad threw a fit at the hefty pricetag (500SGD). When the Mom managed to convince him, sorry little girl, we're flying home.

Was in such a rush, I missed out the GG belt I've wanted for ages (dutyfree!)

The loot? Ugh, 3 perfumes (dutyfree again!), a CK and Playboy set of lingerie, a Warcoal that didn't fit (HEY I'M 34D NOW SUCKAS!) and the Gem: Guerlain travel palette! (makeup, for the oblivious)

Pretty pathetic huh?

Anyway I'm scent mad now so I'm gonna list it all.

-CK Eternity Moment
-YSL Babydoll (yes again!)
-HugoBoss Intense (yes again, again!)
-HugoBoss Energise (bro)
-DKNY Be Delicious (lil bro)
-Dior Miss Dior Cherie (sis)

The sista got herself a Lancome blusher (everyone go WOW). This from a girl who stands firmly by drugstore brands!

Guilty point: Missed Andy's Absolute Disco cos DAD claimed that since he paid for my airticket, he and not my friend's entitled to the perks that come with it. *roll eyes

I'm gonna go reply Lk and Nicholas now.

; tranquility

Is that too much to ask for?

The past couple of weeks was a complete and utter pandemonium I'll give my arm, no make that two arms, never to have to relieve.

2008 came strutting along in this snappy little package- more driving lessons, happy pills, minor room renovation, the break up, china relations' arrival, maid's departure and the Thailand trip just a day away.

God, did I mention, it's only February?

I need to catch my breath before I just jump down and SUA SUA KI.

Seriously.

; lian ku dou shi wo de cuo

分手到底是不是你要的结果
给不了我太多还不准我难过
不知道是为了什么
还要把你无力的爱 记得那么多
怎么放手

也许上天安排你我擦身而过
我明白和你的爱不可能会有结果
你留下泛黄的承诺
要我抱着你的双手流着泪不准你走
说我贱也无话可说

连哭都是我的错
在你面前还要我怎么做
我看见你们拥抱还一笑而过
沉默是我的错
连哭都是我的错
空房间独自等待着日落
爱没有进入身体已经太执着
爱你是我的错 连结束也是我的错

也许上天安排你我擦身而过
我明白和你的爱不可能会有结果
你留下泛黄的承诺
要我抱着你的双手流着泪不准你走
说我贱也无话可说

连哭都是我的错
在你面前还要我怎么做
我看见你们拥抱还一笑而过
沉默是我的错
连哭都是我的错
空房间独自等待着日落
爱没有进入身体已经太执着
爱你是我的错 连结束也是我的错

连哭都是我的错
空房间独自等待着日落
爱没有进入身体已经太执着
爱你是我的错 连结束也是我的错