Lacking of substantial posts in the recent, I see.
But one thing I realised after blogging for 3 or 4 years, is that the best musings, from myself at least, results from excessive emo-ness. Which means I've been pretty happy these days.
What can I say, the boy rocks my socks?
Nah, it's just that. Some things I can't pronounce openly, not even on my ranting ground. Michie and Cousin dearest are my only trustworthy vessels to the pouring of woes and whatnots that make up my very complicated life.
On the other hand, my life's only complicated cos of choices I made, but blame me not, for who and certainly not me, mademoiselle can help the output of feelings evolved?
Haven't much time for the little one of late. So I just picked her up and placed her on my lap after kissing her on her furry little cheek. She's my daily dosage of cuteness, those watery huge eyes framed by tender brown lashes, and that soft expression protruding on her apple shaped head. Everybody go AWWWW.
Being the most temperamental creature alive, I thank my baby for putting up with me. Not easy I know, but hey. The benefits are pretty enticing, wouldn't you say?
HEHEHEHE. Omg I can't believe I'm sounding suggestive on a public blog. Time to get a room!
Nightsie!
Friday, September 29, 2006
Thursday, September 28, 2006
; i write sins not tragedies
So, it is officially certified that guys in my life are not fond of heavy makeup. In girls I mean.
See, Baby was telling me last night that he thought like, oooh I'm not gonna like this girl(me) more than a platonic friend cos she wears alot of makeup on our first meeting.
And I remember a month or so back, Bk was like. Why your make up so thick!! You don't have to put makeup to see me!! And he started wiping the makeup off my face -.- and.. Okay I shall not elaborate lest the boyfriend gets the wrong idea and gets upset.
And the.. hmm. Yeah lets not mention names, he was like why you put on make up huh huh huh. For who to see? -.-
Last year, at the sight of a very madeup me, Shawn asked, Jov don't you find makeup really plastic? You don't need it.
And I remember Jekong sulking everytime Sheila puts on makeup. And he was grumbling to me.. see her cheeks red red lips pink pink one. Then he rubs it all off -.-
Okay just a thought. I'm sleepy and it's 6pm and I miss my boyfriend but it's 4 more hours till he gets off work.
RAHHHHH.
See, Baby was telling me last night that he thought like, oooh I'm not gonna like this girl(me) more than a platonic friend cos she wears alot of makeup on our first meeting.
And I remember a month or so back, Bk was like. Why your make up so thick!! You don't have to put makeup to see me!! And he started wiping the makeup off my face -.- and.. Okay I shall not elaborate lest the boyfriend gets the wrong idea and gets upset.
And the.. hmm. Yeah lets not mention names, he was like why you put on make up huh huh huh. For who to see? -.-
Last year, at the sight of a very madeup me, Shawn asked, Jov don't you find makeup really plastic? You don't need it.
And I remember Jekong sulking everytime Sheila puts on makeup. And he was grumbling to me.. see her cheeks red red lips pink pink one. Then he rubs it all off -.-
Okay just a thought. I'm sleepy and it's 6pm and I miss my boyfriend but it's 4 more hours till he gets off work.
RAHHHHH.
; cut up angels
So I realised every single person taking O's are mugging their brains out right now, and here I am, prancing around every single day, slacking my life away.
Even Sis got down to her books.
I MUST STUDY ON FRIDAY. MUST STUDY ON FRIDAY.
Even Sis got down to her books.
I MUST STUDY ON FRIDAY. MUST STUDY ON FRIDAY.
; smoke puffs
So.. the boy's clubbing tonight and it got me sorely tempted to hit the clubs too.
And the world's not helping. Like Royce wanting to sign me in on the 29th, and the friends claiming I've abandoned them recently..
GRRR NOOO. MUST CONTROL. EXAMS EXAMS.
And the world's not helping. Like Royce wanting to sign me in on the 29th, and the friends claiming I've abandoned them recently..
GRRR NOOO. MUST CONTROL. EXAMS EXAMS.
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
; i won't see you tonight
It's so scary how these entries seem to speak straight from my heart.
Is it wise to get used to someone? To feel too comfortable?
Sometimes, the more you put in, the less you get.
The more you give, the more there is taken away from you in the end.
I hope it does not happen again.
I'm happy, but in doubt. Im smiling, but for how long? It's not anyone's fault, but people have hurt me too much till I believe there will not be someone who won't try hurting me. I don't know. Paranoia. Insecurity. Inability to trust. Whatever you may call it. I have a right to feel that way. Be it being selfish or not. Isn't it? For now, I'll keep smiling, because nothing bad has happened. (:
Although appearing strong in not letting myself get hurt is only a euphemism for being too weak to trust, Id rather feel that way. People may say this girl is so strong, shes so cold she's iced herself from feeling, from getting hurt. In fact, she's afraid to fall, to trust, because shes too weak to allow herself more trauma.
Is it wise to get used to someone? To feel too comfortable?
Sometimes, the more you put in, the less you get.
The more you give, the more there is taken away from you in the end.
I hope it does not happen again.
I'm happy, but in doubt. Im smiling, but for how long? It's not anyone's fault, but people have hurt me too much till I believe there will not be someone who won't try hurting me. I don't know. Paranoia. Insecurity. Inability to trust. Whatever you may call it. I have a right to feel that way. Be it being selfish or not. Isn't it? For now, I'll keep smiling, because nothing bad has happened. (:
Although appearing strong in not letting myself get hurt is only a euphemism for being too weak to trust, Id rather feel that way. People may say this girl is so strong, shes so cold she's iced herself from feeling, from getting hurt. In fact, she's afraid to fall, to trust, because shes too weak to allow herself more trauma.
; si xing bu gai
Somethings, you wish you never know.
How do you react when you discover your cousin dearest has been bitching about you and your brother vehemently, almost viciously to okay, not people, but an inanimate object?
I'll tell you,
You feel sick to the bone.
Everything's blurry, everyone's so fake.
Losing my phone sucks. But the good thing is, at least you're probably in contact with everyone in your phonebook cos they prolly texted you at least once since you got it back. Not like before, when 500 contact spaces weren't enough for me. And not text them in maybe a year or two. So today, I added Adi and Cx to my spanking fresh phonebook ^^
Why's Hzheng looking for me in Gardens? o.o
How do you react when you discover your cousin dearest has been bitching about you and your brother vehemently, almost viciously to okay, not people, but an inanimate object?
I'll tell you,
You feel sick to the bone.
Everything's blurry, everyone's so fake.
Losing my phone sucks. But the good thing is, at least you're probably in contact with everyone in your phonebook cos they prolly texted you at least once since you got it back. Not like before, when 500 contact spaces weren't enough for me. And not text them in maybe a year or two. So today, I added Adi and Cx to my spanking fresh phonebook ^^
Why's Hzheng looking for me in Gardens? o.o
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
; dance with my father
I felt slightly emo when I realised Win deleted off most of the testimonials he wrote for me.
I don't feel anger towards him anymore. I just feel regretful that a wonderful friendship has turned out this way.
But that's life.. ups and downs.
Too tired to blog anymore.
I don't feel anger towards him anymore. I just feel regretful that a wonderful friendship has turned out this way.
But that's life.. ups and downs.
Too tired to blog anymore.
Monday, September 25, 2006
; so it's you
I don't know how I managed to upset him in a single phonecall.
I think I'm really bad at this stuff.
Is there any How to be the Perfect Girlfriend 101? =(
I think I'm really bad at this stuff.
Is there any How to be the Perfect Girlfriend 101? =(
; one sweet day
I'm at the plateau of life when,
At the end of the day, all the I Love Yous don't seem real after all.
Will you be the one who erases all my doubts, the one who gives me a reason to believe, once again?
At the end of the day, all the I Love Yous don't seem real after all.
Will you be the one who erases all my doubts, the one who gives me a reason to believe, once again?
Sunday, September 24, 2006
; the way i do
I grab every adventure that comes my way, but it's never enough. There's always something even more exciting and wonderful just up ahead, out of reach. I'm terrified at what might happen if I stop chasing after the next thrill.
When I listen to mp3s on an Ipod, I'd switch songs incessantly till I find one I like. After listening for the first minute, I'd move on to another, and the routine continues, until the end of the train ride. I've always wondered why I never managed to finish an entire song, then I realised. I'm afraid I would miss a better one I might enjoy even more, one which might lie just right ahead. But.. what I never learnt was that I might just skip past the best one in my quest for the perfection.
A text from my best friend from secondary school,
(go to view, character encoding, and hit unicode)
得不到的永远是最好的
得到的谓避是最完美的
错过的都只是过去了
重要的是珍惜眼前的人
他才是你的满分
Direct translation for the mandarin-challenged.
What we can't get will always be the best.
What we do get might not be perfect.
What we've lost are but past now.
The important thing is to cherish those in front of you,
They, are your full marks..
More than a couple of people have lectured me on this, that I always want what I can't have. Then, I yearn, I chase, and sometimes I fight for it. I forgot, I overlooked what I have, and I imagine I'll be so happy and contented once I claim my prize. End of the day, I do get what I want. Eventually. But I'd lose what really matters the most. The best things I missed out on, that I'll never have again. And the sad, but ironic thing is, most of the time, I'd lose interest once I've gained my trophy. The vicious cycle repeats like a circle, again and again.
I don't want to reiterate my mistakes.
And end up the one in pain with no one else but myself to blame, once again.
When I listen to mp3s on an Ipod, I'd switch songs incessantly till I find one I like. After listening for the first minute, I'd move on to another, and the routine continues, until the end of the train ride. I've always wondered why I never managed to finish an entire song, then I realised. I'm afraid I would miss a better one I might enjoy even more, one which might lie just right ahead. But.. what I never learnt was that I might just skip past the best one in my quest for the perfection.
A text from my best friend from secondary school,
(go to view, character encoding, and hit unicode)
得不到的永远是最好的
得到的谓避是最完美的
错过的都只是过去了
重要的是珍惜眼前的人
他才是你的满分
Direct translation for the mandarin-challenged.
What we can't get will always be the best.
What we do get might not be perfect.
What we've lost are but past now.
The important thing is to cherish those in front of you,
They, are your full marks..
More than a couple of people have lectured me on this, that I always want what I can't have. Then, I yearn, I chase, and sometimes I fight for it. I forgot, I overlooked what I have, and I imagine I'll be so happy and contented once I claim my prize. End of the day, I do get what I want. Eventually. But I'd lose what really matters the most. The best things I missed out on, that I'll never have again. And the sad, but ironic thing is, most of the time, I'd lose interest once I've gained my trophy. The vicious cycle repeats like a circle, again and again.
I don't want to reiterate my mistakes.
And end up the one in pain with no one else but myself to blame, once again.
Saturday, September 23, 2006
; back at one
Hearing this song doesn't hurt me anymore.
I'm suddenly overwhelmed by I don't know. Affection for Michie.
Maybe it was seeing her profile and seeing three pictures of her with me that did the trick. NOW YOU BETTER DON'T REMOVE OTHERWISE I CRY SHITLOADS LOSER. :X
I love the new pic so much I set it as a wallpaper. The first time I set ANY pic of people on my wallpaper. Generally I like to act deep and all and set abstract pictures. Or plain windows one you know the autumn one which is so pretty? Okay digressed.
And remembering all the times her blog and nicknames revered my name. Hehe I'm sucha braggart.
I feel like crying now. Omg I'm sucha wimp wuss whatever you call it sometimes.
I love my biatch so much and I thank god now for the few goods he's done in my life, throwing the lifetime in the nick of time was definitely one of them.
THANK YOU JESUS TAPDANCING CHRIST THANK YOU ALLAH THANK YOU KRISHNA THANK YOU BUDDHA THANK YOU ALL THE TAOIST GODS THANK YOU MOTHER MARY THANK YOU THANK YOU NOW WHICH GOD DID I MISS?
I should start doing posts for my best friends.
Boy's sleeping in my bed now. I can't believe we both fell asleep, must be the trauma earlier.
The world's smiling tonight.
I'm suddenly overwhelmed by I don't know. Affection for Michie.
Maybe it was seeing her profile and seeing three pictures of her with me that did the trick. NOW YOU BETTER DON'T REMOVE OTHERWISE I CRY SHITLOADS LOSER. :X
I love the new pic so much I set it as a wallpaper. The first time I set ANY pic of people on my wallpaper. Generally I like to act deep and all and set abstract pictures. Or plain windows one you know the autumn one which is so pretty? Okay digressed.
And remembering all the times her blog and nicknames revered my name. Hehe I'm sucha braggart.
I feel like crying now. Omg I'm sucha wimp wuss whatever you call it sometimes.
I love my biatch so much and I thank god now for the few goods he's done in my life, throwing the lifetime in the nick of time was definitely one of them.
THANK YOU JESUS TAPDANCING CHRIST THANK YOU ALLAH THANK YOU KRISHNA THANK YOU BUDDHA THANK YOU ALL THE TAOIST GODS THANK YOU MOTHER MARY THANK YOU THANK YOU NOW WHICH GOD DID I MISS?
I should start doing posts for my best friends.
Boy's sleeping in my bed now. I can't believe we both fell asleep, must be the trauma earlier.
The world's smiling tonight.
; whirling fan
Perhaps I overestimated my heart, I deemed it one of stone, but it's still warm and soft and capable of loving after all.
After the crazy ex boyfriend (my first and last serious relationship this year) I swore no guy would ever be able to say "Jovina belongs to me" again.
And after A*w** I swore I would shed no more, weep never for any guy again.
But yes, I've finally met one worthy of that. :D (Omgwtfbbq I sound so high and mighty now.)
-
Just a thought.
Girls are natural bitches of their own species. The occasional hostility, bursts of malicious-ness.And I'm sorry to say I can be one of them, though nowadays I do make a conscientious effort not to.
I'm doing pretty good actually. I only whine or bitch to three people. Michie, Sis, and cousin dearest. I mean, a girl's gotta release her innermost angst to somebody, right!
But I promise to Jesus tapdancing Christ, the five ladies I'll never bitch about. Okay la I'd admit I did, once or twice, but they were under influence, I swear! And thinking of it now makes me insanely guilty. Like, why did I ever say such unkind things about the best things in my life that I love and cherish with all my heart, more than they'll ever know?!
1. Raes
2. Vic
3. Michie
4. Cousin
5. Sis
There you go! I love you five!
Hehehe. Don't you guys admire my PorLanPa(or in this case cheebye) attitude?!
HEHEHEHE I CAN BE SO CRUDE RIGHT. BUT THAT'S ME LA. SO SUE ME. THEY LOVE ME WHAT CAN YOU DO HUH HUH HUH.
I mean every word, with all the sincerity from my heart ^^
I know you guys so wanna hug and kiss me now. *siams HAHAHAHAHA
After the crazy ex boyfriend (my first and last serious relationship this year) I swore no guy would ever be able to say "Jovina belongs to me" again.
And after A*w** I swore I would shed no more, weep never for any guy again.
But yes, I've finally met one worthy of that. :D (Omgwtfbbq I sound so high and mighty now.)
-
Just a thought.
Girls are natural bitches of their own species. The occasional hostility, bursts of malicious-ness.And I'm sorry to say I can be one of them, though nowadays I do make a conscientious effort not to.
I'm doing pretty good actually. I only whine or bitch to three people. Michie, Sis, and cousin dearest. I mean, a girl's gotta release her innermost angst to somebody, right!
But I promise to Jesus tapdancing Christ, the five ladies I'll never bitch about. Okay la I'd admit I did, once or twice, but they were under influence, I swear! And thinking of it now makes me insanely guilty. Like, why did I ever say such unkind things about the best things in my life that I love and cherish with all my heart, more than they'll ever know?!
1. Raes
2. Vic
3. Michie
4. Cousin
5. Sis
There you go! I love you five!
Hehehe. Don't you guys admire my PorLanPa(or in this case cheebye) attitude?!
HEHEHEHE I CAN BE SO CRUDE RIGHT. BUT THAT'S ME LA. SO SUE ME. THEY LOVE ME WHAT CAN YOU DO HUH HUH HUH.
I mean every word, with all the sincerity from my heart ^^
I know you guys so wanna hug and kiss me now. *siams HAHAHAHAHA
Thursday, September 21, 2006
; bu de bu ai
[4:57:32 PM] joviee.*: put there for my FRIENDS yo
[4:57:37 PM] joviee.*: i don't even know you please
[4:57:42 PM] CHEN JIA ---ZAI--- LI YE: :|
[4:57:52 PM] joviee.*: there's a reason why it's called FRIEND ster
[4:57:54 PM] joviee.*: ok nvm
[4:57:55 PM] joviee.*: byebye
[4:57:56 PM] joviee.*: ^^
The latest victim from Jov's Go Away Cos I'm So Tired Cos I Just Woke Up syndrome.
And I hate people I don't know adding me on msn. -.-
; confessions of an emo kid
Ramblings, rantings, ravings.
I was so worn out that I fell asleep after lying in bed for 3 mins at a desperate bid to avoid Daddy dearest last night.
I'm more broke than anyone probably realises, but I still have to find a way to dig out $50 for Cx by this friday. All in all, the weekend doesn't look too promising, what with money issues and everything.
And I woke up this morning with a pain I can't figure whether it was menstrual cramps or otherwise. I woke up to find myself in a most awkward position and my face has been scrunched up in severe discomfort ever since.
Now I have to pretend to go school, even though the mass population are having prelims which I certainly am not up to taking. So it'll be taking two buses slowly back after my mom dropped me off in school. I am retarded I swear.
My eyes are red. Think it's the contact lens.
Okay enough whinings, it's not like it'll make my life any less of a stink.
Bye.
I was so worn out that I fell asleep after lying in bed for 3 mins at a desperate bid to avoid Daddy dearest last night.
I'm more broke than anyone probably realises, but I still have to find a way to dig out $50 for Cx by this friday. All in all, the weekend doesn't look too promising, what with money issues and everything.
And I woke up this morning with a pain I can't figure whether it was menstrual cramps or otherwise. I woke up to find myself in a most awkward position and my face has been scrunched up in severe discomfort ever since.
Now I have to pretend to go school, even though the mass population are having prelims which I certainly am not up to taking. So it'll be taking two buses slowly back after my mom dropped me off in school. I am retarded I swear.
My eyes are red. Think it's the contact lens.
Okay enough whinings, it's not like it'll make my life any less of a stink.
Bye.
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
; hips don't lie
English, Chinese, E Math, Literature, History&Ss, Chemistry.
English - A2
Chinese - A1
Best-case Scenerio:
English - A1
Chinese - A1
E Math - A2
Literature - A2
History&Ss - A1
Chemistry - B3
-----------------
10 points
Worst-case Scenerio:
English - A2
Chinese - A1
E Math - B4
Literature - B4
History&Ss - B3
Chemistry - D7
------------------
21 points
Make or break, I've one month left and it's all up to me now.
So many things to juggle, so I should start prioritising right now.
1. Studies
2. Close Friends (eg. Mich, Sis, Josh)
3. The boy
Mugging: Monday - Thursday
Friends&Boy: Friday - Saturday
Personal time: Sunday
Next week onwards.
The rest will be left until the end of my exams, so wake me up when November ends. (:
English - A2
Chinese - A1
Best-case Scenerio:
English - A1
Chinese - A1
E Math - A2
Literature - A2
History&Ss - A1
Chemistry - B3
-----------------
10 points
Worst-case Scenerio:
English - A2
Chinese - A1
E Math - B4
Literature - B4
History&Ss - B3
Chemistry - D7
------------------
21 points
Make or break, I've one month left and it's all up to me now.
So many things to juggle, so I should start prioritising right now.
1. Studies
2. Close Friends (eg. Mich, Sis, Josh)
3. The boy
Mugging: Monday - Thursday
Friends&Boy: Friday - Saturday
Personal time: Sunday
Next week onwards.
The rest will be left until the end of my exams, so wake me up when November ends. (:
; What Zodiac Sign Should You Be?
Mother Nature is never perfect. On the day you were born, maybe the moon was having a bad week, or the planets just couldn't get aligned. It's the sort of problem that can throw off your whole horoscope. Take this test to discover your REAL astrological sign. (I took 3)
Libra!
It's sooo you! The planets are very complex. Maybe your astrologer will disagree, and maybe a few tendencies will vary, but, overall, you're a LIBRA. You are one polished and elegant individual! And as a Libra, you require romance in your life. You prize beauty in others, and the stars predict that you are quite a stunner yourself. But beware: If an emphasis on physical appearance is taken too far, you'll be viewed as judgmental and somewhat superficial. A passion for balance and order makes your symbol a set of scales. You crave harmony and are extremely diplomatic. As an air sign, you are a great communicator and are, therefore, quite relationship-savvy. Although you have an easygoing and optimistic personality, you can be narcissistic at times. Libras are all about sophistication and are revered for their unmatched charm.
You should be a Gemini!
What's good about you: witty and energetic, you're simply the most fun to be around
What's bad about you: you're flighty - losing interest in people and projects quickly
In love: you enjoy the "honeymoon phase," but after that it's hard for you to stick around
In friendship, you're: likely to have many groups of friends, with many different interests
A Cancer!
Cancers are Emotional and loving, Intuitive and imaginative, Shrewd and cautious, and Protective and sympathetic. On the down side they tend to be Changeable and moody, Overemotional and touchy, and Clinging and unable to let go
Libra!
It's sooo you! The planets are very complex. Maybe your astrologer will disagree, and maybe a few tendencies will vary, but, overall, you're a LIBRA. You are one polished and elegant individual! And as a Libra, you require romance in your life. You prize beauty in others, and the stars predict that you are quite a stunner yourself. But beware: If an emphasis on physical appearance is taken too far, you'll be viewed as judgmental and somewhat superficial. A passion for balance and order makes your symbol a set of scales. You crave harmony and are extremely diplomatic. As an air sign, you are a great communicator and are, therefore, quite relationship-savvy. Although you have an easygoing and optimistic personality, you can be narcissistic at times. Libras are all about sophistication and are revered for their unmatched charm.
You should be a Gemini!
What's good about you: witty and energetic, you're simply the most fun to be around
What's bad about you: you're flighty - losing interest in people and projects quickly
In love: you enjoy the "honeymoon phase," but after that it's hard for you to stick around
In friendship, you're: likely to have many groups of friends, with many different interests
A Cancer!
Cancers are Emotional and loving, Intuitive and imaginative, Shrewd and cautious, and Protective and sympathetic. On the down side they tend to be Changeable and moody, Overemotional and touchy, and Clinging and unable to let go
; hips don't lie
The boy's picking me up from school tomorrow!
It's been a mullun years.. okay make that 5 months since anyone except for Mom and Dad has done that so YAY!
I can't wait to see him. ^^
It's been a mullun years.. okay make that 5 months since anyone except for Mom and Dad has done that so YAY!
I can't wait to see him. ^^
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
; linger
So I woke up, sick to the bone with phlgem in my nose, throat and a throbbing hot forehead after a terrible dream of abandonment.
Receieved a friendster msg from your friend, the one reason how we got close in Nov, 2004.
And I clicked my connections to him, and I saw the many mutual friends we shared.
I scrolled further south and I saw more friends and acquaintances that weren't on my friendster. Second-degree friendster friends that I was and still am too lazy to add.
Then I saw your name, and your numerous connections to me.
It didn't register at first, and then it struck, struck me hard.
Deleted.
I changed my msn nick.
I did something I've stopped doing since I got over you. I logged into his account and I looked at your nickname. And I can't help but smile. Cos both were about stabbing of the back. Such coincidence.
Everyone thought time would heal or at least lessen the hostility, but I knew better. And I thank God for the boy's sensitivity that I wasn't at Gardens, and had to face you that fateful day.
Even after every bad and nasty thing you've done to me, and trust me I've heard enough, I don't need to ask around to hear more, I forgive you. I didn't mean for the proclamation I made when I claimed to hate you. I would still take bullets for you,my dear friend. And I still wish for the easy and warm friendship we had back then.
I wasn't asking for the world.
Receieved a friendster msg from your friend, the one reason how we got close in Nov, 2004.
And I clicked my connections to him, and I saw the many mutual friends we shared.
I scrolled further south and I saw more friends and acquaintances that weren't on my friendster. Second-degree friendster friends that I was and still am too lazy to add.
Then I saw your name, and your numerous connections to me.
It didn't register at first, and then it struck, struck me hard.
Deleted.
I changed my msn nick.
I did something I've stopped doing since I got over you. I logged into his account and I looked at your nickname. And I can't help but smile. Cos both were about stabbing of the back. Such coincidence.
Everyone thought time would heal or at least lessen the hostility, but I knew better. And I thank God for the boy's sensitivity that I wasn't at Gardens, and had to face you that fateful day.
Even after every bad and nasty thing you've done to me, and trust me I've heard enough, I don't need to ask around to hear more, I forgive you. I didn't mean for the proclamation I made when I claimed to hate you. I would still take bullets for you,
I wasn't asking for the world.
Monday, September 18, 2006
; ktv
I'm having a major headache, my throat is killing me, and my eyes hurt.
=(
And now I'm running a fever.
Sighs.
The boys aren't helping by blaring the ktv and singing giggling at the top of their lungs.
=(
And now I'm running a fever.
Sighs.
The boys aren't helping by blaring the ktv and singing giggling at the top of their lungs.
; tong hua (canto)
Reformatted computer, and now I have no pictures nor songs =(
Any kind soul willing to send me tons and tons of mp3s? ^^v
Hehe guess what.
I'm feeling a little seh after smoking my first stick since 9am this morning.
Aren't you guys proud of me?
3 hours to a day, and I'm missing my babysitter already.
Must watch myself. Must watch myself. Must watch myself.
Any kind soul willing to send me tons and tons of mp3s? ^^v
Hehe guess what.
I'm feeling a little seh after smoking my first stick since 9am this morning.
Aren't you guys proud of me?
3 hours to a day, and I'm missing my babysitter already.
Must watch myself. Must watch myself. Must watch myself.
; school library
I was afraid, still am, and I know I can't afford to lose.
Never a believer of the 'Don't cry cos it's over, smile cos it happened' crap-o-logic. Upon having tasted the sweetness, being not a saint but very human, wouldn't you crave for more? Of at least, enough to sustain the lust?
Then tell me, what happens when it stops?
I wove a web of apathy and indifference, with a sprig of arrogance and aloofness merely to protect the very fragile being within.
So don't try, unless you're confident of ensuring her survival after releasing her from the security of her own world.
Never a believer of the 'Don't cry cos it's over, smile cos it happened' crap-o-logic. Upon having tasted the sweetness, being not a saint but very human, wouldn't you crave for more? Of at least, enough to sustain the lust?
Then tell me, what happens when it stops?
I wove a web of apathy and indifference, with a sprig of arrogance and aloofness merely to protect the very fragile being within.
So don't try, unless you're confident of ensuring her survival after releasing her from the security of her own world.
Saturday, September 16, 2006
; scars
I must remember never to eat chocolates first thing after a smoke in the morning cos it gives serious indigestion.
I feel like pooing.
HAHA. I had two and it's this bad. Mich had four I think.
Imagine her wanting to poo on the bus ride home.
HAHAHAHA!
I feel like pooing.
HAHA. I had two and it's this bad. Mich had four I think.
Imagine her wanting to poo on the bus ride home.
HAHAHAHA!
; you're all i have
Newsflash:
Daniel's coming back.
My brother announced with a megawatt grin, that he had the latest scoop on Daniel. His discipline master told him that Daniel's mother was trying to get Daniel back into Singapore to finish his education.
When I heard I was stunned into raw astonishment and pure disbelief. Conflicting emotions were running like crazy across my head and heart and I guess it showed on my face, for Mich next to me was like, Jov, take a chill pill.
Why now, Baby? Why..
What am I supposed to do?
The other day I was just commenting in awe to my brother, "Daniel was.. almost exactly a year ago." And he was like, yeah.. God, how time flies.
I never thought he would ever return, him having a one year ban in Singapore. Yes, I've planned to visit him in Taiwan, but having him back here would be different. Very, very different..
He was the one who wanted me to find happiness.. but.. I can't help the guilt steamrolling, somehow. I know for a fact that he never had another girlfriend, after our brief but meaningful period together. Sigh.. I don't know..
Do I give up everything I have now because of you? Do we start over as friends, or do we continue where we left off? After all, we only ended because we didn't have a choice. Long distance was out of question we knew, for both of us. But judge us not, for it's hard enough even for the strongest couple, much less two people who never got together, not officially. Throw in the question of never seeing each other for years and that spells impossibility.
The other time we were talking, and you joked that the first thing you would do, if only you were in Singapore, would be to make me your girlfriend. We laughed it off, cos the thought that you would come back never crossed our minds, but..
One year seemed a lifetime ago, but we've been through the craziest issues, and that made you someone worth remembering. To this day I can remember the sweetest thing you said to me. I choose to look at you, and not the glorious sunrise, cos you're more beautiful than the sunrise to me. Corny perhaps, but your sincerity and smile far surpassed it.
So, tell me, how now, brown cow?
P.S. For the story of Jov and Daniel.. archives, August 20.
Daniel's coming back.
My brother announced with a megawatt grin, that he had the latest scoop on Daniel. His discipline master told him that Daniel's mother was trying to get Daniel back into Singapore to finish his education.
When I heard I was stunned into raw astonishment and pure disbelief. Conflicting emotions were running like crazy across my head and heart and I guess it showed on my face, for Mich next to me was like, Jov, take a chill pill.
Why now, Baby? Why..
What am I supposed to do?
The other day I was just commenting in awe to my brother, "Daniel was.. almost exactly a year ago." And he was like, yeah.. God, how time flies.
I never thought he would ever return, him having a one year ban in Singapore. Yes, I've planned to visit him in Taiwan, but having him back here would be different. Very, very different..
He was the one who wanted me to find happiness.. but.. I can't help the guilt steamrolling, somehow. I know for a fact that he never had another girlfriend, after our brief but meaningful period together. Sigh.. I don't know..
Do I give up everything I have now because of you? Do we start over as friends, or do we continue where we left off? After all, we only ended because we didn't have a choice. Long distance was out of question we knew, for both of us. But judge us not, for it's hard enough even for the strongest couple, much less two people who never got together, not officially. Throw in the question of never seeing each other for years and that spells impossibility.
The other time we were talking, and you joked that the first thing you would do, if only you were in Singapore, would be to make me your girlfriend. We laughed it off, cos the thought that you would come back never crossed our minds, but..
One year seemed a lifetime ago, but we've been through the craziest issues, and that made you someone worth remembering. To this day I can remember the sweetest thing you said to me. I choose to look at you, and not the glorious sunrise, cos you're more beautiful than the sunrise to me. Corny perhaps, but your sincerity and smile far surpassed it.
So, tell me, how now, brown cow?
P.S. For the story of Jov and Daniel.. archives, August 20.
Friday, September 15, 2006
; the way i do
Rachie's entry on her ex-boyfriends inspired this entry. But when I started running the numerous names (my fingers and toes aren't enough, let's leave it at that) in my mental contact list, and thinking of ALL the work I'd have to do (stealing friendster photos, writing about them etc), I decided that this will be a job when I'm uber uber bored after the exams. Hahaha.
Today, I'm gonna talk about my first love. First and only love, I would say. Okay I'm too lazy to do even that. I'm just going to paste an entry I wrote years ago, before I was fully over him. Don't get any wrong ideas though, him and yours truly share a merely platonic friendship now, a lil closer since we met up, but that's about it. For him though, I will always have a soft spot (:
Terence Sim Wei Hong, this is for you (:
The Last Time
Prelude
It was something like destiny when she realised he had actually appeared before her eyes a few weeks before she got to know him. After all the time spent getting to know him intimately without being able to picture his face or imagine him physically, she was instantly able to match his mannerisms to his moods and identify his feelings.
His face was one that was accustomed to expressions of menace, of hardness - yet from several feet back she thought she saw the shadow of something vulnerable in the corner of his smile, in the slight limp as he left the field.
She recognized someone who was more than he appeared to be, more than he showed to his friends, associates as well as acquaintances. He seemed to be one of those rare few that walked enveloped in light, who turned heads even on their worst days. It was then that she wanted to touch him, to shelter him. The way she felt this, so suddenly and so deeply, was like nothing she had known before.
When she finally saw him upclose, she thought his eyes were blue. He stood there with his steady, thoughtful gaze and his mouth a mere motion away and she felt a shift inside her. She wondered if it was possible to recognize the beginnings of one's own life less than a quarter century into it. It seemed fitting he should have blue eyes, like a fairy tale prince.
It didn't matter that his eyes were in fact brown, or that he was already involved. Something happened that day as she stood next to him, something she could not take back or ignore.
It was a recognition, a certainity of purpose such as she had never felt before. He was an enigma that aroused her curiousity and a fierce protectiveness. The focused intensity of him; his humor and compassion; his passionate gestures. And, something else - the hint of some fear or weakness, traces of something that had happened to him a long time ago and had dictated the shape of his life.
At that moment, she knew that whatever relationship they might have with each other, she would eventually lose him. All their experiences would merely have been markers along the road towards that loss. The nearly physical pain of this realization had startled her into silence.
She barely had time to know him, how could she already be mourning the loss of him?
____________________________________________________________________________________
Transition
When she first encountered him, it was during a deciding volleyball match he was playing in in Hougang Sports Hall and it was a beautiful sunny day. He wasn't exactly what people would call handsome, but somehow, his sharp features that looked classic english yet asian at the same time managed to catch her eye.
The last time she saw him, it was in Bukit Gombak, another crucial volleyball match he was taking part in. By the time she arrived, his match was almost over. His team lost, but it was an expected defeat and she could tell that the loss did not bothered him very much. She stared at him; he was drenched in sweat, looking thinner than ever in his cyan coloured jersey. After he changed into his uniform of white and navy, he looked much better than she had ever seen him, and still she stared, transfixed, taking in his cocky attitude, his arrogant swagger, his confident stut, that adorable, cheeky little half smile and just the way he laughed, his expressions, every little thing about him brought a smile to her face. He was so close to her, about 2 metres away. She could have easily walked up to him and said hi or even give him a tight bear hug, but for the lack of nerve. He was seated between two girls, which managed to cause a mild twinge of jealousy to well up inside her. But she knew. That was him. Mr Frivolous. That was the guy she loved.
He did leave the girls for a brotherly chat with his close friend, a guy she held dear to her heart as well. She was aware that she should have seized the opportunity, should have gone up to him and try to talk. All her feelings. Her misgivings. Her doubts, fears. Everything. But she had to leave. The cab had arrived, and as she was leaving the stadium with her friends, she had to walked on the dull gray seats directly behind the one he was sitting on. She stared at the back of his head wistfully, and it was like he felt her gaze, for he spun around and met her eyes. There was a hint of startled recognition in his eyes and her heart started beating faster than it ever had. Maybe it was one sided but she felt such intense chemistry between both of them at that one cherished moment. But the girl behind her gave her a slight nudge and the moment was over, it was broken. As she left, she turned her head towards him, and he held her gaze for a while, then shrugged and turned back to watching the volleyball match after his. For her, her eyes never left him until he became a speck in the distance.
Never leave me, she often wanted to say to him, but she never did.
Now, instead, she would go to the window and look out upon whatever place she had chosen. At different times, in different places - rain gurgled in gutters; sunlight painted bright squares on the walls; branches trembled with leaves or were bare as charcoal sketches of winter. Standing there, she would replay her memories of him, in every place and weather, every encounter, every mood.
In the weeks following that final departure, she came quietly and steadily apart, as though some stitches had been snipped; as though a thread had been hooked onto his body, so when he left he pulled that thread and she began to unravel.
During this time she spent most of her nights in a bar, looking in to the faces of the men around her to see if any of them resembled the man she loved. Sometimes, after several drinks, she would find someone who did. There would be a moment when his remembered features fought with the features of the stranger, and then memory would triumph and for a little while she would think he had returned.
It was not long before she discovered that all men contained something that reminded her of him.
In person he had never been so handsome as the composite features she had assembled in her memory. Yet, because he was alive, with a scent and a warmth to his skin; because his every movement was a miracle of nerve and sinew, he was more beautiful inside his body than any idealized image she might have made of him. And more precious than the others could ever be, no matter how closely they resembled him.
____________________________________________________________________________________
Epilogue
It has taken a year for the intensity of emotions to subside. She still thinks of him almost daily and she continues to believe there will never be anyone else. At least when she looks in the mirror she sees only her own face, and when she looks into faces of men who pass her on the street, she usually sees strangers who do not resemble anyone else she knows.
She wonders how many people she has walked past in the last year,
Thinking only of him.
Often, she wonders if he ever thinks about her, misses her, but she accepts that these are among the many things that she will never know.
Of all the possible futures in front of her, a life with him in one that been taken away, and she will never know if it would have held the most happiness, or the least. She will survive, maybe even be happy and fulfilled, but she will always carry him inside of her.
-June'24 2004
Today, I'm gonna talk about my first love. First and only love, I would say. Okay I'm too lazy to do even that. I'm just going to paste an entry I wrote years ago, before I was fully over him. Don't get any wrong ideas though, him and yours truly share a merely platonic friendship now, a lil closer since we met up, but that's about it. For him though, I will always have a soft spot (:
Terence Sim Wei Hong, this is for you (:
The Last Time
Prelude
It was something like destiny when she realised he had actually appeared before her eyes a few weeks before she got to know him. After all the time spent getting to know him intimately without being able to picture his face or imagine him physically, she was instantly able to match his mannerisms to his moods and identify his feelings.
His face was one that was accustomed to expressions of menace, of hardness - yet from several feet back she thought she saw the shadow of something vulnerable in the corner of his smile, in the slight limp as he left the field.
She recognized someone who was more than he appeared to be, more than he showed to his friends, associates as well as acquaintances. He seemed to be one of those rare few that walked enveloped in light, who turned heads even on their worst days. It was then that she wanted to touch him, to shelter him. The way she felt this, so suddenly and so deeply, was like nothing she had known before.
When she finally saw him upclose, she thought his eyes were blue. He stood there with his steady, thoughtful gaze and his mouth a mere motion away and she felt a shift inside her. She wondered if it was possible to recognize the beginnings of one's own life less than a quarter century into it. It seemed fitting he should have blue eyes, like a fairy tale prince.
It didn't matter that his eyes were in fact brown, or that he was already involved. Something happened that day as she stood next to him, something she could not take back or ignore.
It was a recognition, a certainity of purpose such as she had never felt before. He was an enigma that aroused her curiousity and a fierce protectiveness. The focused intensity of him; his humor and compassion; his passionate gestures. And, something else - the hint of some fear or weakness, traces of something that had happened to him a long time ago and had dictated the shape of his life.
At that moment, she knew that whatever relationship they might have with each other, she would eventually lose him. All their experiences would merely have been markers along the road towards that loss. The nearly physical pain of this realization had startled her into silence.
She barely had time to know him, how could she already be mourning the loss of him?
____________________________________________________________________________________
Transition
When she first encountered him, it was during a deciding volleyball match he was playing in in Hougang Sports Hall and it was a beautiful sunny day. He wasn't exactly what people would call handsome, but somehow, his sharp features that looked classic english yet asian at the same time managed to catch her eye.
The last time she saw him, it was in Bukit Gombak, another crucial volleyball match he was taking part in. By the time she arrived, his match was almost over. His team lost, but it was an expected defeat and she could tell that the loss did not bothered him very much. She stared at him; he was drenched in sweat, looking thinner than ever in his cyan coloured jersey. After he changed into his uniform of white and navy, he looked much better than she had ever seen him, and still she stared, transfixed, taking in his cocky attitude, his arrogant swagger, his confident stut, that adorable, cheeky little half smile and just the way he laughed, his expressions, every little thing about him brought a smile to her face. He was so close to her, about 2 metres away. She could have easily walked up to him and said hi or even give him a tight bear hug, but for the lack of nerve. He was seated between two girls, which managed to cause a mild twinge of jealousy to well up inside her. But she knew. That was him. Mr Frivolous. That was the guy she loved.
He did leave the girls for a brotherly chat with his close friend, a guy she held dear to her heart as well. She was aware that she should have seized the opportunity, should have gone up to him and try to talk. All her feelings. Her misgivings. Her doubts, fears. Everything. But she had to leave. The cab had arrived, and as she was leaving the stadium with her friends, she had to walked on the dull gray seats directly behind the one he was sitting on. She stared at the back of his head wistfully, and it was like he felt her gaze, for he spun around and met her eyes. There was a hint of startled recognition in his eyes and her heart started beating faster than it ever had. Maybe it was one sided but she felt such intense chemistry between both of them at that one cherished moment. But the girl behind her gave her a slight nudge and the moment was over, it was broken. As she left, she turned her head towards him, and he held her gaze for a while, then shrugged and turned back to watching the volleyball match after his. For her, her eyes never left him until he became a speck in the distance.
Never leave me, she often wanted to say to him, but she never did.
Now, instead, she would go to the window and look out upon whatever place she had chosen. At different times, in different places - rain gurgled in gutters; sunlight painted bright squares on the walls; branches trembled with leaves or were bare as charcoal sketches of winter. Standing there, she would replay her memories of him, in every place and weather, every encounter, every mood.
In the weeks following that final departure, she came quietly and steadily apart, as though some stitches had been snipped; as though a thread had been hooked onto his body, so when he left he pulled that thread and she began to unravel.
During this time she spent most of her nights in a bar, looking in to the faces of the men around her to see if any of them resembled the man she loved. Sometimes, after several drinks, she would find someone who did. There would be a moment when his remembered features fought with the features of the stranger, and then memory would triumph and for a little while she would think he had returned.
It was not long before she discovered that all men contained something that reminded her of him.
In person he had never been so handsome as the composite features she had assembled in her memory. Yet, because he was alive, with a scent and a warmth to his skin; because his every movement was a miracle of nerve and sinew, he was more beautiful inside his body than any idealized image she might have made of him. And more precious than the others could ever be, no matter how closely they resembled him.
____________________________________________________________________________________
Epilogue
It has taken a year for the intensity of emotions to subside. She still thinks of him almost daily and she continues to believe there will never be anyone else. At least when she looks in the mirror she sees only her own face, and when she looks into faces of men who pass her on the street, she usually sees strangers who do not resemble anyone else she knows.
She wonders how many people she has walked past in the last year,
Thinking only of him.
Often, she wonders if he ever thinks about her, misses her, but she accepts that these are among the many things that she will never know.
Of all the possible futures in front of her, a life with him in one that been taken away, and she will never know if it would have held the most happiness, or the least. She will survive, maybe even be happy and fulfilled, but she will always carry him inside of her.
-June'24 2004
; reflections
I must stop smoking first thing I wake up everyday.
It's making me dizzy groggy and worst of all, excessively emo.
But yknow. Everyone I care about's gonna leave me eventually.
Raes has gone. I haven't seen Vic in ages. Josh's in camp. Mich's busy with OCBC and now I think she's gonna study a whole lot. I patched things up with Sis, but her world revolves around Calv. Pd's not talking to me. And I could go on and on, but these few are the first that came to mine.
Erik's leaving tomorrow.
How many more people can I afford to lose?
i don't want it to come to the day when you begin to matter, then you have to go away.
It's making me dizzy groggy and worst of all, excessively emo.
But yknow. Everyone I care about's gonna leave me eventually.
Raes has gone. I haven't seen Vic in ages. Josh's in camp. Mich's busy with OCBC and now I think she's gonna study a whole lot. I patched things up with Sis, but her world revolves around Calv. Pd's not talking to me. And I could go on and on, but these few are the first that came to mine.
Erik's leaving tomorrow.
How many more people can I afford to lose?
i don't want it to come to the day when you begin to matter, then you have to go away.
; chirping birds
Smallest gestures are often overlooked. Who would know that in actuality, they count the most? Like leaning over from the steering wheel for a brush of the lips on the cheek was a touch unexpected. Sweet, very sweet.
Wise men say, and I so agree, only fools rush in.
Likewise, all good things must eventually come to an end.
But.
Fuck.
the last guy i seriously dated told me with a bitter smile and a caustic tone, don't ever make promises jov, cos you never did know how to keep them well.
Wise men say, and I so agree, only fools rush in.
Likewise, all good things must eventually come to an end.
But.
Fuck.
the last guy i seriously dated told me with a bitter smile and a caustic tone, don't ever make promises jov, cos you never did know how to keep them well.
Thursday, September 14, 2006
; jay chou - bai se feng che
And I wonder, if that single picture we took outside the chalet still resides safe in your phone, or have you deleted it?
If in my possesion I would keep it as a photograph, a copy on the table by my bedside, another in my clutch, at all times.
But it's okay, cos even without it, the memories we shared and the look of bliss on mine and the shy smile on yours will never, ever be forgotten.
It's kept, safe in my heart (:
I'll never know, cos I'll never ask, but I'll leave you alone, I'll let you go, because that's the way you'll want it.
If in my possesion I would keep it as a photograph, a copy on the table by my bedside, another in my clutch, at all times.
But it's okay, cos even without it, the memories we shared and the look of bliss on mine and the shy smile on yours will never, ever be forgotten.
It's kept, safe in my heart (:
I'll never know, cos I'll never ask, but I'll leave you alone, I'll let you go, because that's the way you'll want it.
; jay chou - hong mo fang
1) single, taken or crushing?
single (:
2) are you happy with your life now?
pretty much!
3) when you meet the right person, do you fall in love with him fast?
how would you know if he's the right person or not -.- but i'm quite the cynic when it comes to proclamations of love so. yep(:
4)have you ever had your heart broken?
couple of times.
5) do you believe there are some circumstances where cheating love is acceptable?
guess not.
6)would you take someone back if he cheats on you?
not in a million years.
7)have you talk bout marriage with another before?
yeah ahaha crappy random thoughts.
8)do you want children?
7 for my very own vball team!
9)how many?
4 little boys 3 little girls.
10)would you consider adoption?
if i had to, yep!
11)if someone like you right now,what do you think is the best way to let you know his feelings?
uhh. i don't know. just tell la!
12)do you enjoy getting into relationship?
when it's with the right person but i'm picky so.. !
13)be honest,what is the furthest you and your ex did?
how far can you go? hahaha.
14)do you believe in love at first sight?
bah. BAH. i don't even believe you can fall in love one month after meeting someone.
15)are you romantic?
uh...
16)do you believe you can change someone?
nah. how can a leopard ever change it's spots?
17)if you could married somewhere,where would it be?
italy, or greece perhaps?
18)do you easily give in when you are fighting?
nope. FIRM. ^^
19)do you have feelings for someone right now?
lol. *shrugs
20)have you ever wished that you could have had someone but you messed it up?
more than a couple of times. i had, but i screwed up.
21)have you ever broken a heart?
^^
22)if one day your best friend fall in love with the guy you deeply in love with, what would you do?
if i'd staked my claim, i would !@#$%^ but otherwise i might just back off.
23)are you missing someone now?
nah. i'm bloated and tired and grumpy.
single (:
2) are you happy with your life now?
pretty much!
3) when you meet the right person, do you fall in love with him fast?
how would you know if he's the right person or not -.- but i'm quite the cynic when it comes to proclamations of love so. yep(:
4)have you ever had your heart broken?
couple of times.
5) do you believe there are some circumstances where cheating love is acceptable?
guess not.
6)would you take someone back if he cheats on you?
not in a million years.
7)have you talk bout marriage with another before?
yeah ahaha crappy random thoughts.
8)do you want children?
7 for my very own vball team!
9)how many?
4 little boys 3 little girls.
10)would you consider adoption?
if i had to, yep!
11)if someone like you right now,what do you think is the best way to let you know his feelings?
uhh. i don't know. just tell la!
12)do you enjoy getting into relationship?
when it's with the right person but i'm picky so.. !
13)be honest,what is the furthest you and your ex did?
how far can you go? hahaha.
14)do you believe in love at first sight?
bah. BAH. i don't even believe you can fall in love one month after meeting someone.
15)are you romantic?
uh...
16)do you believe you can change someone?
nah. how can a leopard ever change it's spots?
17)if you could married somewhere,where would it be?
italy, or greece perhaps?
18)do you easily give in when you are fighting?
nope. FIRM. ^^
19)do you have feelings for someone right now?
lol. *shrugs
20)have you ever wished that you could have had someone but you messed it up?
more than a couple of times. i had, but i screwed up.
21)have you ever broken a heart?
^^
22)if one day your best friend fall in love with the guy you deeply in love with, what would you do?
if i'd staked my claim, i would !@#$%^ but otherwise i might just back off.
23)are you missing someone now?
nah. i'm bloated and tired and grumpy.
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
; jay chou - ye qu
Well. I guess that's it.
Guess what? I am more upset than I let on, than I'll ever let on.
But screw it I guess.
I want to apologise, to make things okay again.
But fuck that I guess.
Perhaps my tongue was a little too vitriolic, my tone too acerbic, but if I was important at all I suppose he wouldn't have flared the way he did. Oh well. What can I say? I'm not going to degrade and reduce myself to some spineless moron and allow him to laugh at me and the patheticness of it all.
But somehow, I wish you'd not let me let you go, just like that.
Lately, I've been refraining from the flirt word, and rejecting dates and people I wouldn't entertain if I have a boyfriend. A personal test to check if I was ready. I thought I was doing okay, it wasn't so hard.
But there's no point for that right now.
Welcome back to the officially single club.
Guess what? I am more upset than I let on, than I'll ever let on.
But screw it I guess.
I want to apologise, to make things okay again.
But fuck that I guess.
Perhaps my tongue was a little too vitriolic, my tone too acerbic, but if I was important at all I suppose he wouldn't have flared the way he did. Oh well. What can I say? I'm not going to degrade and reduce myself to some spineless moron and allow him to laugh at me and the patheticness of it all.
But somehow, I wish you'd not let me let you go, just like that.
Lately, I've been refraining from the flirt word, and rejecting dates and people I wouldn't entertain if I have a boyfriend. A personal test to check if I was ready. I thought I was doing okay, it wasn't so hard.
But there's no point for that right now.
Welcome back to the officially single club.
; jay chou - xin yu
Guess what I wanted to blog when I was in the shower?
Too early to say, but I think this one might just be a keeper.
Ha. Ha. Ha. I was so stupid. No other word for it. I can hardly believe I actually allowed a little sweetness to go over my head. How can I adequately potray with words as mere tools the jaded half smile, littered with cynicism my expression holds right now?
One issue after another.
And this is non-relationship?
God can you imagine what a relationship will be like?
The motherfucking horror.
Too early to say, but I think this one might just be a keeper.
Ha. Ha. Ha. I was so stupid. No other word for it. I can hardly believe I actually allowed a little sweetness to go over my head. How can I adequately potray with words as mere tools the jaded half smile, littered with cynicism my expression holds right now?
One issue after another.
And this is non-relationship?
God can you imagine what a relationship will be like?
The motherfucking horror.
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
; jay chou - bai se feng che
Omg I can't believe how lagging behind the world I am.
JAY CHOU'S ALBUM YI RAN FAN TE XI HAS BEEN OUT FOR FOUR DAYS AND I ONLY FOUND OUT LIKE ONE HOUR AGO. OMG. WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO.
Me, who chiongs to buy his album first thing in the morning their out. Every single time for the past four albums!
WELL IT'S THE LOVE. I downloaded the whole bloody thing and I HAVE TO OWN IT BY TOMORROW.
CAN SOMEONE BUY IT FOR ME PLEASE. I SWEAR I WILL LOVE YOU THE REST OF MY LIFE.
JAY CHOU'S ALBUM YI RAN FAN TE XI HAS BEEN OUT FOR FOUR DAYS AND I ONLY FOUND OUT LIKE ONE HOUR AGO. OMG. WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO.
Me, who chiongs to buy his album first thing in the morning their out. Every single time for the past four albums!
WELL IT'S THE LOVE. I downloaded the whole bloody thing and I HAVE TO OWN IT BY TOMORROW.
CAN SOMEONE BUY IT FOR ME PLEASE. I SWEAR I WILL LOVE YOU THE REST OF MY LIFE.
; all that i've got
Erik really sorted out my thoughts. Big man will always be big man!
Perhaps, yes, I've been seeking and asking for too much. I wanted the VAVAVOOM factor, the omg I think I'm crazy in love and I wanna be with you so badly spark in a relationship. Otherwise I would simply shrug it off and dismiss it as a fling.
Now I realised. Love comes in time. Only very rarely will you love the person you get together with right away. It's okay to be with someone you like, and have confidence in working out with. Then, when the gradual attraction and infatuation fades, with time, trust, and going through good times and bad, love will replace it.
God what have I done. I wish I can turn back time. Perhaps I'll have ownership of what I've always wanted so badly. But it's impossible. And second chances, they seldom come. Don't make me open my mouth and ask though, cos I'm too shy and too proud. Haha!
Ah wells. I'm still young. It'll come, eventually. I believe.
There's so much more in life to love and relationships. And only one life to go through them all.
Heehee. I'm so brimming with positivity and happy thoughts outta the blue.
No wonder they call me temperamental. -.-
Perhaps, yes, I've been seeking and asking for too much. I wanted the VAVAVOOM factor, the omg I think I'm crazy in love and I wanna be with you so badly spark in a relationship. Otherwise I would simply shrug it off and dismiss it as a fling.
Now I realised. Love comes in time. Only very rarely will you love the person you get together with right away. It's okay to be with someone you like, and have confidence in working out with. Then, when the gradual attraction and infatuation fades, with time, trust, and going through good times and bad, love will replace it.
God what have I done. I wish I can turn back time. Perhaps I'll have ownership of what I've always wanted so badly. But it's impossible. And second chances, they seldom come. Don't make me open my mouth and ask though, cos I'm too shy and too proud. Haha!
Ah wells. I'm still young. It'll come, eventually. I believe.
There's so much more in life to love and relationships. And only one life to go through them all.
Heehee. I'm so brimming with positivity and happy thoughts outta the blue.
No wonder they call me temperamental. -.-
; i'll never break your heart
Baby, I know you're hurting. Right now you feel like you can never love again. Now all I ask, is for a chance, to prove that I love you.
From the first day, that I saw your smiling face, honey I knew that we would be together forever. And I asked you out. You said no, but I found out. Darling that you've been hurt, you felt that you'll never love again.
I deserve a try, honey just once. Gimme a chance and I'll prove it's all wrong. You walked in you were so quick to judge. But honey he's nothing like me.
I'll never break your heart. I'll never make you cry. I'd rather die, than live without you. I'll give you all of me honey that's no lie.
As I walk by you, will get to know me. A little more better, girl that's the way love goes. And I know you're afraid to let your feelings show. And I understand. But girl it's time to let go.
No way, no how I'll make you cry, I'll swear.
oh and this!
I know you've heard these words a hundred other times before. And you're hurting so your heart has chose to close the door. Love broke your heart and brought you lies.
Look in my eyes, you'll see a love that's deep and true. Tender and strong and all for you. You can trust this love, honest that's the honest truth.
From the heart I'm giving you everything, everything. From the heart I promise you that I'll be there. I'll be there to love you. From the soul, I'm showing you all I feel, all I feel is. From the heart, from the heart.
I will protect you and respect you and be all you need. And when you reach for love you only need to reach for me. These arms will never let you down. They're staying around. I'll walk with you through every storm, I'll keep you safe I'll keep you warm.
And you'll have no doubt, you're the one I'm living for.
I'll provide the love you need. Just trust my touch, believe in me. I'll never make you cry. Give it all I got, with all I've got inside.
So sweet. So sweet.
If a guy can sing or even say this to me from his heart.
I swear I'll be the best girlfriend ever.
From the first day, that I saw your smiling face, honey I knew that we would be together forever. And I asked you out. You said no, but I found out. Darling that you've been hurt, you felt that you'll never love again.
I deserve a try, honey just once. Gimme a chance and I'll prove it's all wrong. You walked in you were so quick to judge. But honey he's nothing like me.
I'll never break your heart. I'll never make you cry. I'd rather die, than live without you. I'll give you all of me honey that's no lie.
As I walk by you, will get to know me. A little more better, girl that's the way love goes. And I know you're afraid to let your feelings show. And I understand. But girl it's time to let go.
No way, no how I'll make you cry, I'll swear.
oh and this!
I know you've heard these words a hundred other times before. And you're hurting so your heart has chose to close the door. Love broke your heart and brought you lies.
Look in my eyes, you'll see a love that's deep and true. Tender and strong and all for you. You can trust this love, honest that's the honest truth.
From the heart I'm giving you everything, everything. From the heart I promise you that I'll be there. I'll be there to love you. From the soul, I'm showing you all I feel, all I feel is. From the heart, from the heart.
I will protect you and respect you and be all you need. And when you reach for love you only need to reach for me. These arms will never let you down. They're staying around. I'll walk with you through every storm, I'll keep you safe I'll keep you warm.
And you'll have no doubt, you're the one I'm living for.
I'll provide the love you need. Just trust my touch, believe in me. I'll never make you cry. Give it all I got, with all I've got inside.
So sweet. So sweet.
If a guy can sing or even say this to me from his heart.
I swear I'll be the best girlfriend ever.
; love me
Am I undeserving of being loved, or at least, liked for who I am?
Sometimes, I wonder whether there's a bold FUCK-ME engraved on my forehead, invisible only to my eyes.
Strike 3 in the very short span of a month.
The first was pure violation. Considered rape, minus penetration. Struggles and screams to no effect. The dark, primal side of a a man possesed by lust. An issue I never want to remember and bring up again. I still shiver and feel afraid when I think of what could have happened that fateful morning.
Chapter two was one with no strings attached. Interest on his side, and I'd admit, I was captivated, I was hooked with a major crush, only kept within and unknown to all. For he wasn't looking for love. He initiated, and I reciprocated, a precious moment that I would always remember and hold most dear to heart. No bitterness, no regrets. He was a shooting star, a spectacular moment of light in the heavens. The fleeting glimpse of eternity in his arms, would last me a lifetime. For details, you could check the Archives. Aug16, or 17 I think. (:
Part 3 was a confusing dilemma. The mind and the body, or rather heart were at hugeass conflict. One was flashing vivid Red danger signals, STOP before you crash and burn. The latter was smiling, it was most unexpected from the shy boy, and it urged to forget everyone, forget everything and savour the moment while it lasted. I was at a loss of how to react, so half the time I was protesting, the other half.. joining in?
Still.
The first apologised profusely, and I could sense his immense guilt. So much that he claimed responsibility with a "Why don't you be my girlfriend?" And the third, with an it's all up to you. Friends, fling, relationship? Ha. Yeah sure to both of them. Like I would find happiness by forcing relationships on you two because of your momentarily weaknesses to lust. If I ever enter a relationship again, it would be because of MUTUAL LOVE. Not because of your guilts. As if happiness would be possible that way.
In all 3 cases, the little tenderness in them, that all girls crave, was I think, probably imagined to soothe my wounded ego, and worst, bruised heart. I felt clearly the absence of affection. Only physical lust. Or perhaps the scent, that was mentioned by all three?
Those two reasons were sad excuses for gestures supposed to represent love, huh?
Don't try telling me love is overated. For the hopeless romantic, yours truly, it's an excruciating, heartbreaking tragedy.
And now I wonder, with tears I can't seem to hold back, is that all I am worthy of?
Sometimes, I wonder whether there's a bold FUCK-ME engraved on my forehead, invisible only to my eyes.
Strike 3 in the very short span of a month.
The first was pure violation. Considered rape, minus penetration. Struggles and screams to no effect. The dark, primal side of a a man possesed by lust. An issue I never want to remember and bring up again. I still shiver and feel afraid when I think of what could have happened that fateful morning.
Chapter two was one with no strings attached. Interest on his side, and I'd admit, I was captivated, I was hooked with a major crush, only kept within and unknown to all. For he wasn't looking for love. He initiated, and I reciprocated, a precious moment that I would always remember and hold most dear to heart. No bitterness, no regrets. He was a shooting star, a spectacular moment of light in the heavens. The fleeting glimpse of eternity in his arms, would last me a lifetime. For details, you could check the Archives. Aug16, or 17 I think. (:
Part 3 was a confusing dilemma. The mind and the body, or rather heart were at hugeass conflict. One was flashing vivid Red danger signals, STOP before you crash and burn. The latter was smiling, it was most unexpected from the shy boy, and it urged to forget everyone, forget everything and savour the moment while it lasted. I was at a loss of how to react, so half the time I was protesting, the other half.. joining in?
Still.
The first apologised profusely, and I could sense his immense guilt. So much that he claimed responsibility with a "Why don't you be my girlfriend?" And the third, with an it's all up to you. Friends, fling, relationship? Ha. Yeah sure to both of them. Like I would find happiness by forcing relationships on you two because of your momentarily weaknesses to lust. If I ever enter a relationship again, it would be because of MUTUAL LOVE. Not because of your guilts. As if happiness would be possible that way.
In all 3 cases, the little tenderness in them, that all girls crave, was I think, probably imagined to soothe my wounded ego, and worst, bruised heart. I felt clearly the absence of affection. Only physical lust. Or perhaps the scent, that was mentioned by all three?
Those two reasons were sad excuses for gestures supposed to represent love, huh?
Don't try telling me love is overated. For the hopeless romantic, yours truly, it's an excruciating, heartbreaking tragedy.
And now I wonder, with tears I can't seem to hold back, is that all I am worthy of?
; can't take it
The sudden urge to visit a large-scale amusement park. I'm a sucker for crazy roller coaster rides, carousels, and the like. But there's only the slightly pathetic Escape theme park in Singapore. Will anyone indulge the kid within and visit it with me, soon? Pretty please? :D
Monday, September 11, 2006
; letters to you (acoustic)
I don't know why the sudden emo-ness.
I half wished I forced myself to go for lunch with Xiaobai rather than sleeping or stoning at home. But I was really exhausted. And maybe it was lucky I didn't. More teasing on the Bk front is not welcomed.
God. I miss him. And the cousin's not helping by bringing him up with a grin on her face.
And I know he is but a phonecall away, but I can't bring myself to dial his number. I saved it back. What's the point of deleting it when I can remember it? 9838**** (:
Life is so banal. So mundane. I'm bored. Like I said. It's dull without a target.
Sudden urge to club. Must be the rnb blaring in my headphones.
Oh yes this movie I watched yesterday. The epitome of a bad girlfriend?
Needy Jealous Controlling.
Hehehe I think I'm none of them. My last one was like Hey you're so cool. You're not sticky at all. He doesn't know that maybe it was cos I couldn't care less la. :x
Lol. Okay I'm getting crappy. And bitchy. Whatever. Singing session now.
I half wished I forced myself to go for lunch with Xiaobai rather than sleeping or stoning at home. But I was really exhausted. And maybe it was lucky I didn't. More teasing on the Bk front is not welcomed.
God. I miss him. And the cousin's not helping by bringing him up with a grin on her face.
And I know he is but a phonecall away, but I can't bring myself to dial his number. I saved it back. What's the point of deleting it when I can remember it? 9838**** (:
Life is so banal. So mundane. I'm bored. Like I said. It's dull without a target.
Sudden urge to club. Must be the rnb blaring in my headphones.
Oh yes this movie I watched yesterday. The epitome of a bad girlfriend?
Needy Jealous Controlling.
Hehehe I think I'm none of them. My last one was like Hey you're so cool. You're not sticky at all. He doesn't know that maybe it was cos I couldn't care less la. :x
Lol. Okay I'm getting crappy. And bitchy. Whatever. Singing session now.
; i believe
1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?
I need sleep. Like, right now.
2. When is the next time you will have sex?
I don't know. Leo and I both agreed that we've been sexually deprived. I think it's been 5 months?
3.What's a word that rhymes with DOOR?
more?
4. Favorite planet?
I love the name Venus, and the goddess associated to it.
5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your mobile?
Cw.
6. What is your favorite ringtone on your phone?
None.
7. What kinda shirt you have on?
Some Michael Jackson anniversary tee.
8. Describe yourself in one phrase
Lemon - Bright on the outside, bitter within.
9. Name the brand of shoes you're currently wearing?
None.
10. Bright or Dark Room?
Dark.. I don't like the sun.
11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you?
Judy - she's cute, funny.
12. If you're alone in a room with two beds, which one do you sleep on?
Bigger one.
13. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Changi eating really yummy nasi lemak.
14. What did the last text message that you received on your mobile say?
i miss you bad dear.
15. Where is your letter box?
NFI.
16. What's a word that you say a lot?
Fuck?
17. Last furry thing you touched?
My dog?
18. How many drugs have you done in the last three days?
None.
19. How many rolls of film do you need to get developed?
None.
20. Favorite age you have been so far?
*shrugs
21. Your worst enemy?
Myself I think. I get myself too much.
22. What is your current desktop picture?
Some autumn windows pic.
23. What was the last thing you said to someone?
Okay shit ths is embarrasing. "I guess I still feel a tug in my heart when I hear his name. We were discussing this, and I said I would be happy enough if we were together for a week. Even if it meant nothing but sex to him.
24. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly?
Fly. I can fly, and earn shitloads too.
25. Do you like someone?
I guess.
26. The last song you listened to?
Uh..
27. If the last person you spoke to was getting shot at, would you jump in front of the bullet?
Yep. One happy person in the world would be much better than a sad one.
28. If you could punch one person in the face who would it be?
NFI.
29. What is the closest object to your left foot?
The table?
I need sleep. Like, right now.
2. When is the next time you will have sex?
I don't know. Leo and I both agreed that we've been sexually deprived. I think it's been 5 months?
3.What's a word that rhymes with DOOR?
more?
4. Favorite planet?
I love the name Venus, and the goddess associated to it.
5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your mobile?
Cw.
6. What is your favorite ringtone on your phone?
None.
7. What kinda shirt you have on?
Some Michael Jackson anniversary tee.
8. Describe yourself in one phrase
Lemon - Bright on the outside, bitter within.
9. Name the brand of shoes you're currently wearing?
None.
10. Bright or Dark Room?
Dark.. I don't like the sun.
11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you?
Judy - she's cute, funny.
12. If you're alone in a room with two beds, which one do you sleep on?
Bigger one.
13. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Changi eating really yummy nasi lemak.
14. What did the last text message that you received on your mobile say?
i miss you bad dear.
15. Where is your letter box?
NFI.
16. What's a word that you say a lot?
Fuck?
17. Last furry thing you touched?
My dog?
18. How many drugs have you done in the last three days?
None.
19. How many rolls of film do you need to get developed?
None.
20. Favorite age you have been so far?
*shrugs
21. Your worst enemy?
Myself I think. I get myself too much.
22. What is your current desktop picture?
Some autumn windows pic.
23. What was the last thing you said to someone?
Okay shit ths is embarrasing. "I guess I still feel a tug in my heart when I hear his name. We were discussing this, and I said I would be happy enough if we were together for a week. Even if it meant nothing but sex to him.
24. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly?
Fly. I can fly, and earn shitloads too.
25. Do you like someone?
I guess.
26. The last song you listened to?
Uh..
27. If the last person you spoke to was getting shot at, would you jump in front of the bullet?
Yep. One happy person in the world would be much better than a sad one.
28. If you could punch one person in the face who would it be?
NFI.
29. What is the closest object to your left foot?
The table?
; bizarre love triangle
Interest is typical, attraction non-fatal.
Hell, even liking can dissipate as quickly and easily as it sneaked up on me.
But allowing the fall and caring too much could be potentially dangerous.
So, time to back off, I think.
Until I meet someone worthwhile, that one pure heart that would lead me outta the darkness enshrouding me for as long as I can remember.
Hell, even liking can dissipate as quickly and easily as it sneaked up on me.
But allowing the fall and caring too much could be potentially dangerous.
So, time to back off, I think.
Until I meet someone worthwhile, that one pure heart that would lead me outta the darkness enshrouding me for as long as I can remember.
Sunday, September 10, 2006
; unfaithful
It's over, over.
The two glimpses I caught of you are reiterating incessantly, running in endless circles around my head.
I wish they would let me off.. leave me alone.
Forget me, forget you. It'snot that simple.
How can it be, my brother being your friend, who sees you on a daily basis? Hell, I didn't even have the guts to be driven straight up to my house, the fear of catching sight once again of you.
I have to learnt mental strength. I shouldn't be affected so easily.
Sigh. Maybe I should be like Michie and swear off love once and for all.
Otherwise, Mr Right, won't you appear and take my hand, we'll go off to never never land?
Someone to have and hold, with all my heart and soul..
The two glimpses I caught of you are reiterating incessantly, running in endless circles around my head.
I wish they would let me off.. leave me alone.
Forget me, forget you. It's
How can it be, my brother being your friend, who sees you on a daily basis? Hell, I didn't even have the guts to be driven straight up to my house, the fear of catching sight once again of you.
I have to learnt mental strength. I shouldn't be affected so easily.
Sigh. Maybe I should be like Michie and swear off love once and for all.
Otherwise, Mr Right, won't you appear and take my hand, we'll go off to never never land?
Someone to have and hold, with all my heart and soul..
; i'll move on
Boonlay. Cigs. Bk.
Town.
Sure, it wasn't like the time when I totally MIA-ed from town and Cine, I have been going down for movies, but today was just plain lepaking like the old times.
And boy, forget the apprehension I felt when I first stepped onto the familiar pavement. Everyone I know's everywhere!
Started out with Xb and Gabbie. Met Michie at Cine, bumped into all my schoolmates, past and present omg. SooNam's back from Korea, Keenon, Oppasith from Myanmar, and GOSH YONGXIAN. The first guy's hand I held back in primary 1. LOL. He couldn't recognise me.
Then caught up with Lei who just returned from Thailand for a one week visit. He was with Net. I missed you so much dear, and your hugs! And why's your hair ever-changing huh huh huh. Supposed to eat with them, but I thought Michie would feel awkward so we left with promises to meet up later.
Ter called. Zouk. Ah well.
Yoshi.
The movie was. Pure torture. What was the title again? Oh yes, Frostbite. Well firstly it was a foreign film. Second it was fucking B grade and dumb.
Then seeked a slacking place smokable before the movie. On the way to Wheelock's Coffeebean, bumped into Leo! Haha! That moron was like I WANTED TO CALL YOU. Lies I swear.
Back to Cine. Saw a whole bunch of my schoolmates. Lepaked more.
Saw R**.
Met Cw Kenneth Tony for supper.
What's the deal. I practically saw every guy that mattered past and present today. I don't know whether it's a good or bad thing.
Here's the summary. Emo update when I feel like it. Bye.
Town.
Sure, it wasn't like the time when I totally MIA-ed from town and Cine, I have been going down for movies, but today was just plain lepaking like the old times.
And boy, forget the apprehension I felt when I first stepped onto the familiar pavement. Everyone I know's everywhere!
Started out with Xb and Gabbie. Met Michie at Cine, bumped into all my schoolmates, past and present omg. SooNam's back from Korea, Keenon, Oppasith from Myanmar, and GOSH YONGXIAN. The first guy's hand I held back in primary 1. LOL. He couldn't recognise me.
Then caught up with Lei who just returned from Thailand for a one week visit. He was with Net. I missed you so much dear, and your hugs! And why's your hair ever-changing huh huh huh. Supposed to eat with them, but I thought Michie would feel awkward so we left with promises to meet up later.
Ter called. Zouk. Ah well.
Yoshi.
The movie was. Pure torture. What was the title again? Oh yes, Frostbite. Well firstly it was a foreign film. Second it was fucking B grade and dumb.
Then seeked a slacking place smokable before the movie. On the way to Wheelock's Coffeebean, bumped into Leo! Haha! That moron was like I WANTED TO CALL YOU. Lies I swear.
Back to Cine. Saw a whole bunch of my schoolmates. Lepaked more.
Saw R**.
Met Cw Kenneth Tony for supper.
What's the deal. I practically saw every guy that mattered past and present today. I don't know whether it's a good or bad thing.
Here's the summary. Emo update when I feel like it. Bye.
Saturday, September 09, 2006
; hips don't lie
This new person in the Bk clique asked for my number. Guess what I replied, after the initial thanks, but no thanks, to the continuous buggings from everyone to be nice and the whole there's no harm in making new friends thingy?
"TX BK."
If you can figure that out, you're really good. ^^
And to another I wanted to gently turn down despite a fairly engaging and interesting conversation without the slightest hint of nastiness, I used the Alot Like Love line.
"Don't, you'll ruin it."
Bet he didn't get it la. LOL. He's prolly thinking. WTF?!?!
I can be the ultimate moron sometimes I swear. Hehehe!
"TX BK."
If you can figure that out, you're really good. ^^
And to another I wanted to gently turn down despite a fairly engaging and interesting conversation without the slightest hint of nastiness, I used the Alot Like Love line.
"Don't, you'll ruin it."
Bet he didn't get it la. LOL. He's prolly thinking. WTF?!?!
I can be the ultimate moron sometimes I swear. Hehehe!
; cry on my shoulder
Your True Love Is a Gemini |
 Why you'll love a Gemini: Witty and sharp, a Gemini can keep up with your fast (and ever changing) mind. You're both fun loving and free spirits. You and a Gemini can enjoy each other without expectations. Why a Gemini will love you: Not only can you keep up with a Gemini's sharp tongue, you can introduce a challenge or two... You're appetite for fun and novelty will keep a Gemini interested - at least for a bit longer than usual! |
WTH! I swear I didn't cheat. I'm gonna do another one. Grrr!
; nobody knows it but me
I don't know what exactly happened, but I ended up not watching a movie with Michie, nor spending Josh's last day of freedom at Cine, nor hanging out with Cheewee like we were supposed to.
A little upset, and I relied on good old Paracetamol to depart the world a little earlier than usual this cold, lonely, supposed to be happening Friday night.
I'm unsure of whether I dozed off to the deliberately woeful tunes of JayChou, but when I re-entered the saddest dimension of reality, I heard an emotional speech, littered by voice-breaks which ended up with heartbreaking sobs.
My dearest cousin, may everything be fine and dandy with you. You're the simplest, happiest person I know and I would hate for a broken love affair to do this to you, to inflict the awakening that have wounded so many of us, to cynical and jaded beings doubtful of the sweetest word in the English dictionary, love. Perhaps this will help you grow up, and snap you out of your annonying yet endearing innocence that life is, and can be wonderful. But I'd rather that not happen, cos there are so many ways, easier ones that allows maturity.
Moving on to happier topics.
Wanted: A Girlfriend!
My brother Leo's seeking a girlfriend, not a fling, or so he claims.*snickers
Quoted "Girlfriend means I love you, you love me, we are happy family, with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you. I know that you love me too!"
Not too bad huh? I love my sweetie boy but that would be incestuous and Jov does no blasphemy. Also we're so alike we'll prolly kill each other in bed. HAHA.
Here's the uh. criteria. He claims he isn't picky la, but I think otherwise.. RAWR I'm gonna shut up and leave it up to you guys. :D
First things first:
Male, 22, absolutely delicious.
LOL okay I wrote that.
Ahem. Here I go, all serious and solemn this time round, jokes thrown aside.
Leo's theory
Sex > World of Warcraft > Real life.
World of warcraft is like my job, and I may spend alot of time playing it, and they must not complain (It's also a good thing because I don't have much time for other girls) -jov rolls her eyes
And my boys are important to me, and I would like to meet them every now and then if possible.
Next, you don't have to be extremely hot or good looking. (but at least be above average)
I want a girlfriend that can actually speak English and not type like this. "euuu mieeee worx"
Also, intelligence is an important asset. They don't have to be rich or close to that. I don't care about wealth.
Educated, in a way. You gotta greet his parents when you see them. And he doesn't want a girlfriend that yells Kan Ni Na Buay Chee Bye La in public. Of course, you can yell on the bed, it might turn him on.
Yeah, and please be understanding.
A girlfriend, not a fling! "I'll make time for her, I'm a nice boyfriend."
Remember, Sex > Wow, so if you wanna get him away from the computer, you know what to do. *winks
He'll be faithful, the lonely boy has been single for 5months, and flinging around before that, so technically, it has been almost a YEAR since a relationship!
Yes, well that's Leonard, affectionally known as Leoieee or Leo if you like, for you. And if you're interested, msg or call me, Jovina for a queue number and an interview!
Whilestocks stock last!!
A little upset, and I relied on good old Paracetamol to depart the world a little earlier than usual this cold, lonely, supposed to be happening Friday night.
I'm unsure of whether I dozed off to the deliberately woeful tunes of JayChou, but when I re-entered the saddest dimension of reality, I heard an emotional speech, littered by voice-breaks which ended up with heartbreaking sobs.
My dearest cousin, may everything be fine and dandy with you. You're the simplest, happiest person I know and I would hate for a broken love affair to do this to you, to inflict the awakening that have wounded so many of us, to cynical and jaded beings doubtful of the sweetest word in the English dictionary, love. Perhaps this will help you grow up, and snap you out of your annonying yet endearing innocence that life is, and can be wonderful. But I'd rather that not happen, cos there are so many ways, easier ones that allows maturity.
Moving on to happier topics.
Wanted: A Girlfriend!
My brother Leo's seeking a girlfriend, not a fling, or so he claims.
Quoted "Girlfriend means I love you, you love me, we are happy family, with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you. I know that you love me too!"
Not too bad huh? I love my sweetie boy but that would be incestuous and Jov does no blasphemy. Also we're so alike we'll prolly kill each other in bed. HAHA.
Here's the uh. criteria. He claims he isn't picky la, but I think otherwise.. RAWR I'm gonna shut up and leave it up to you guys. :D
First things first:
Male, 22, absolutely delicious.
LOL okay I wrote that.
Ahem. Here I go, all serious and solemn this time round, jokes thrown aside.
Leo's theory
Sex > World of Warcraft > Real life.
World of warcraft is like my job, and I may spend alot of time playing it, and they must not complain (It's also a good thing because I don't have much time for other girls) -jov rolls her eyes
And my boys are important to me, and I would like to meet them every now and then if possible.
Next, you don't have to be extremely hot or good looking. (but at least be above average)
I want a girlfriend that can actually speak English and not type like this. "euuu mieeee worx"
Also, intelligence is an important asset. They don't have to be rich or close to that. I don't care about wealth.
Educated, in a way. You gotta greet his parents when you see them. And he doesn't want a girlfriend that yells Kan Ni Na Buay Chee Bye La in public. Of course, you can yell on the bed, it might turn him on.
Yeah, and please be understanding.
A girlfriend, not a fling! "I'll make time for her, I'm a nice boyfriend."
Remember, Sex > Wow, so if you wanna get him away from the computer, you know what to do. *winks
He'll be faithful, the lonely boy has been single for 5months, and flinging around before that, so technically, it has been almost a YEAR since a relationship!
Yes, well that's Leonard, affectionally known as Leoieee or Leo if you like, for you. And if you're interested, msg or call me, Jovina for a queue number and an interview!
While
; cancer horoscope
The Bottom Line
Remain your calm, unflappable self today -- and never let them see you sweat!
In DetailIf you're going to be in the public eye today, be prepared to put on your best game face. Things that are beyond your control could affect the situation and cause some unexpected changes. Remain your calm, unflappable self and never let them see you sweat! You'll impress some impressive people. If you're not planning on making any public appearances, you could enjoy a calm day with little (if any) conflict. You're entering a mature, reflective phase.
Friday, September 08, 2006
; si xing bu gai
The strengthening of the sunlight's glorious arrows comes, as usual, hand in hand with the demise of my former good mood.
Here's something random: the way he manages to spoil and make me feel like a pampered princess reminds me so.. eerily of JH, 2 months ago, minus the 'love innuendos'. Hell, he even said something which JH once said, that I only blogged recently about. "Don't be like this.." without the "Baby" of course. But I doubt he'll end upa bastard like JH. At least, I really hope not.
Somehow, I felt like I was in a relationship, with not the demerits, but only the benefits it comes with. And I can't honestly deny how much I miss one. Josh asked me why I yearn for romantic love so much. Why I crave it so badly, when I have the best family and friends anyone could ever ask for. "Josh will give you all the love you need." And Mich's "I will catch you when you fall." I was at a loss for words, I didn't know what to say. After today, I guess I can adequately explain the rationale behind this warped mentality.
Yknow. It's all those little things. Getting picked up. Just plain sulking leads to getting your own way without saying a single word. The snickers and poking fun of from friends. Having long talks, about everything and anything at all. Merciless teasings back and forth. Gentle steering of the body in the right direction for the very blur me. Whining about hunger = instant food, fully prepared. Opening your mouth and going AAAH comes with spoonfed Bens&Jerry's and ciggy smoke. Dirtying your clothes due to infantile carelessness doesn't lead to exasperation and irritation (at least not shown) but more amusement, and clean clothes, the guy's, even though he had to walk past a people-infested resort, half naked! Comfortable enough to hang out with nothing but a guy's large size shirt and thongs on. Playing on the waves with someone looking out for you. Concern over my heavy smoking habits. Having a shoulder and chest to lie on when drowsiness sets in, a hand to hold, hearing the heartbeat of another's, a soft body to hug and a jacket covered on by the unconscious act of shivering. Someone walking you to the lift when he looks tired to death. Hell, even the slightest touch of his hands around me warmed my heart. And falling asleep, then waking up in the arms of another felt like a lifetime ago, until today.
It was enough to remind me of how much I missed it and why I want it so hard.
Sadly.. too bad it was all from a platonic friend. One with no romantic ties nor inclinations I would think.
Sigh.
Now, don't start the lecturings on me having a new fling cos it's not like that at all. It's just pure friendship, only sweeter I guess?
I don't know how to put it.
I'm actually unsure of how I'm feeling towards the person in question. Fondness, definitely, but as a friend or otherwise? NFI, and I'm not going to bother wondering cos the piggy is TIRED.
"Don't, you'll ruin it."
Here's something random: the way he manages to spoil and make me feel like a pampered princess reminds me so.. eerily of JH, 2 months ago, minus the 'love innuendos'. Hell, he even said something which JH once said, that I only blogged recently about. "Don't be like this.." without the "Baby" of course. But I doubt he'll end up
Somehow, I felt like I was in a relationship, with not the demerits, but only the benefits it comes with. And I can't honestly deny how much I miss one. Josh asked me why I yearn for romantic love so much. Why I crave it so badly, when I have the best family and friends anyone could ever ask for. "Josh will give you all the love you need." And Mich's "I will catch you when you fall." I was at a loss for words, I didn't know what to say. After today, I guess I can adequately explain the rationale behind this warped mentality.
Yknow. It's all those little things. Getting picked up. Just plain sulking leads to getting your own way without saying a single word. The snickers and poking fun of from friends. Having long talks, about everything and anything at all. Merciless teasings back and forth. Gentle steering of the body in the right direction for the very blur me. Whining about hunger = instant food, fully prepared. Opening your mouth and going AAAH comes with spoonfed Bens&Jerry's and ciggy smoke. Dirtying your clothes due to infantile carelessness doesn't lead to exasperation and irritation (at least not shown) but more amusement, and clean clothes, the guy's, even though he had to walk past a people-infested resort, half naked! Comfortable enough to hang out with nothing but a guy's large size shirt and thongs on. Playing on the waves with someone looking out for you. Concern over my heavy smoking habits. Having a shoulder and chest to lie on when drowsiness sets in, a hand to hold, hearing the heartbeat of another's, a soft body to hug and a jacket covered on by the unconscious act of shivering. Someone walking you to the lift when he looks tired to death. Hell, even the slightest touch of his hands around me warmed my heart. And falling asleep, then waking up in the arms of another felt like a lifetime ago, until today.
It was enough to remind me of how much I missed it and why I want it so hard.
Sadly.. too bad it was all from a platonic friend. One with no romantic ties nor inclinations I would think.
Sigh.
Now, don't start the lecturings on me having a new fling cos it's not like that at all. It's just pure friendship, only sweeter I guess?
I don't know how to put it.
I'm actually unsure of how I'm feeling towards the person in question. Fondness, definitely, but as a friend or otherwise? NFI, and I'm not going to bother wondering cos the piggy is TIRED.
"Don't, you'll ruin it."
; i don't wanna miss a thing
One in a million? Haha.
Though he wasn't Bk, he's the next best thing anyone can ever ask for.
Thank you for everything today wifey, from the simplest move to the sweetest gesture.
There's no way I'm gonna sabotage this friendship. (:
Though he wasn't Bk, he's the next best thing anyone can ever ask for.
Thank you for everything today wifey, from the simplest move to the sweetest gesture.
There's no way I'm gonna sabotage this friendship. (:
Thursday, September 07, 2006
; lanshop
Everyone's clubbing tonight. Abandoning me home alone. =(
What meant to be a smoke and drink and crapping session ended up in a newly opened lanshop in the area with Xiaobai, the black one and his girlfriend.
Where is my salvation from this boredom?!
The one person I texted didn't reply. Asshole.
I don't like contacting people. Unless I need something.
Sigh. Guess it's home for me tonight.
What meant to be a smoke and drink and crapping session ended up in a newly opened lanshop in the area with Xiaobai, the black one and his girlfriend.
Where is my salvation from this boredom?!
The one person I texted didn't reply. Asshole.
I don't like contacting people. Unless I need something.
Sigh. Guess it's home for me tonight.
; here without you
I was telling Cheewee to watch his driving cos I'm not ready to die yet.
Then I recounted this.. random thought I had sometime ago.
What if I die, and the person witnessing this is Mich? (I don't know why Mich la! She just came to mind then hehehe) Imagine myself splattered in blood and intestines all that gore and her supporting meesah's lifeless body and weeping incessantly, mumbling JOV DON'T DIE JOV YOU'LL BE OKAY!
What messages would I give Michie to pass on, and who will I remember despite the agnoy and excruciating pain in my last moments?
Family
1- Bro (Jenson)
2- Dad
3- Mom
4- Baby (Beebee)
5- Cousin (Shianne)
6- Bro (Jovan)
Friends
1- Raes (poor mich will have to write to US hahaha)
2- Vic
3- Mich
4- Josh
5- Wanwin
6- Daniel (taiwan this time heehee)
7- Peidong
8- Edwin
And I can't think of anyone else right now. Hahaha quite sad hor. Though quite a feat for someone dying to mention 13 people la. EH WHY 13 OMG. -.-
Notice none of them are guys I'm or was involved in. That's the saddest thing of all! Like all my 17 years I haven't met a love worth remembering on the day I die. =(
That's why I don't wanna die yet! Hahaha!
I wanna meet my soulmate. WHERE ARE YOU! COME OUT COME OUT WHEREVER YOU ARE.
If only the O's aren't just around the corner. I've met so many people this year I wanna know better, but I just don't have the time for them.
Lemme think who I hung out with for the past couple of years. Best friends whom I lost touch with, despite hanging out with them for years.
Okay I tried naming all the important people but I realised the list would come up to hundreds and more than ten cliques so okay forget it hahaha.
I've been quite aloof recently. Dao if you like. I'm no longer the sociable butterfly who loves meeting new friends. Funny huh. I don't quite understand it myself. Maybe cos I'm happy with those I already have. So forgive me if I ignore you guys on msn, smses and calls. It's not you, it's me. I just don't feel up to.. I don't know, talking to people I'm not close to or remotely associated to or hanging out with? I don't know. For some reason I find them irritating. Guys especially. So girls, like uh. Micky Rachel Bingg Rebecca Plynn Amanta just to name a few, don't worry I love talking to you guys. Hehe.
And uh I wonder if he's clubbing la. I'm almost shy to say this, but I'm missing him, just A LITTLE already (:
And wahlao Mich do you have to be so sweet? I was happily scrolling down your newest blog entry, which I almost didn't get to read til tomorrow cos I checked your blog earlier today and I'm just plain lazy and bloated from all that food. Then I saw this effing ugly moron with a big silly grin in a familiar top smiling back at me and I saw two very familiar words. JOVINA TAN.
Hehehe I love you too.
Yknow, when we were getting closer earlier this year, I wanted to back away cos I didn't wanna break down the stone walls and give yet another person the power to hurt and upset me. Okay this sounds a little lesbiany but hmm. No homo tendencies over here la! Contrary to popular belief, I do this alot. You guys just don't know it even though I can be the friendliest person in the world to you, sharing tidbits of my life and everything. I'm so glad I didn't, and I thank god I met you. For once, he threw out the lifeline in the nick of time.
Omg I'm so sweet too. Heehee. <3
Much love to all,
Jov
Then I recounted this.. random thought I had sometime ago.
What if I die, and the person witnessing this is Mich? (I don't know why Mich la! She just came to mind then hehehe) Imagine myself splattered in blood and intestines all that gore and her supporting meesah's lifeless body and weeping incessantly, mumbling JOV DON'T DIE JOV YOU'LL BE OKAY!
What messages would I give Michie to pass on, and who will I remember despite the agnoy and excruciating pain in my last moments?
Family
1- Bro (Jenson)
2- Dad
3- Mom
4- Baby (Beebee)
5- Cousin (Shianne)
6- Bro (Jovan)
Friends
1- Raes (poor mich will have to write to US hahaha)
2- Vic
3- Mich
4- Josh
5- Wanwin
6- Daniel (taiwan this time heehee)
7- Peidong
8- Edwin
And I can't think of anyone else right now. Hahaha quite sad hor. Though quite a feat for someone dying to mention 13 people la. EH WHY 13 OMG. -.-
Notice none of them are guys I'm or was involved in. That's the saddest thing of all! Like all my 17 years I haven't met a love worth remembering on the day I die. =(
That's why I don't wanna die yet! Hahaha!
I wanna meet my soulmate. WHERE ARE YOU! COME OUT COME OUT WHEREVER YOU ARE.
If only the O's aren't just around the corner. I've met so many people this year I wanna know better, but I just don't have the time for them.
Lemme think who I hung out with for the past couple of years. Best friends whom I lost touch with, despite hanging out with them for years.
Okay I tried naming all the important people but I realised the list would come up to hundreds and more than ten cliques so okay forget it hahaha.
I've been quite aloof recently. Dao if you like. I'm no longer the sociable butterfly who loves meeting new friends. Funny huh. I don't quite understand it myself. Maybe cos I'm happy with those I already have. So forgive me if I ignore you guys on msn, smses and calls. It's not you, it's me. I just don't feel up to.. I don't know, talking to people I'm not close to or remotely associated to or hanging out with? I don't know. For some reason I find them irritating. Guys especially. So girls, like uh. Micky Rachel Bingg Rebecca Plynn Amanta just to name a few, don't worry I love talking to you guys. Hehe.
And uh I wonder if he's clubbing la. I'm almost shy to say this, but I'm missing him, just A LITTLE already (:
And wahlao Mich do you have to be so sweet? I was happily scrolling down your newest blog entry, which I almost didn't get to read til tomorrow cos I checked your blog earlier today and I'm just plain lazy and bloated from all that food. Then I saw this effing ugly moron with a big silly grin in a familiar top smiling back at me and I saw two very familiar words. JOVINA TAN.
Hehehe I love you too.
Yknow, when we were getting closer earlier this year, I wanted to back away cos I didn't wanna break down the stone walls and give yet another person the power to hurt and upset me. Okay this sounds a little lesbiany but hmm. No homo tendencies over here la! Contrary to popular belief, I do this alot. You guys just don't know it even though I can be the friendliest person in the world to you, sharing tidbits of my life and everything. I'm so glad I didn't, and I thank god I met you. For once, he threw out the lifeline in the nick of time.
Omg I'm so sweet too. Heehee. <3
Much love to all,
Jov
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
; now and forever
I hailed a taxi in the rain, looking for someplace to ease the pain. Then like an answered prayer, I turned around and found you there. You really knew what to do, how to start fixing a broken heart. Your emotional tools can cure any fool who's dreams have fallen apart. I didn't understand what I was going through. But the hurt just disappears in every moment that you were near, just like an answered prayer, you made the lonliness easy to bear. Then the rain stopped falling, and I forgot the past.
Whenever I'm weary from the battles that raged in my head, you made sense of madness, when my sanity hangs by a thread. I lose my way but still you seem to understand. Now and forever, you promised to be there. Sometimes I just hold you, too caught up in me to see I'm holding a fortune, that heaven has given to me. You tried to show me each and every way you can, now and forever you will always be there. Then I can rest my worries and always be sure that I won't be alone anymore. If I only knew you were there all the time.. all those times. And now there's nothing to say the day you left. Just filled a suitcase full of regrets.
Did I use you, did I lead you on? Did I break your heart into a million shattered fragments?
If only you knew I never meant to.
I'm sorry.. I really am.
Micky asked me once, have you ever reciprocated the feelings of a nice guy? And I thought it over and sheepishly answered.. Not really.
But though love's not possible between us I wish the friendship had remain. Because I miss you, my dear, and I wish you were still here.
Don't you ever wish you were someone else. You are meant to be the the way you are exactly. Don't you ever say, you don't like the way you are. And I hope you'd always stay the same, cos there's nothing bout you I would change.
I do, cherish you. I would take bullets for you. And I wish you'd know that.
Is this silent treatment my punishment, or your own?
Don't wonder why an angel broke your heart. Cos please.. I'm no angel. =(
Whenever I'm weary from the battles that raged in my head, you made sense of madness, when my sanity hangs by a thread. I lose my way but still you seem to understand. Now and forever, you promised to be there. Sometimes I just hold you, too caught up in me to see I'm holding a fortune, that heaven has given to me. You tried to show me each and every way you can, now and forever you will always be there. Then I can rest my worries and always be sure that I won't be alone anymore. If I only knew you were there all the time.. all those times. And now there's nothing to say the day you left. Just filled a suitcase full of regrets.
Did I use you, did I lead you on? Did I break your heart into a million shattered fragments?
If only you knew I never meant to.
I'm sorry.. I really am.
Micky asked me once, have you ever reciprocated the feelings of a nice guy? And I thought it over and sheepishly answered.. Not really.
But though love's not possible between us I wish the friendship had remain. Because I miss you, my dear, and I wish you were still here.
Don't you ever wish you were someone else. You are meant to be the the way you are exactly. Don't you ever say, you don't like the way you are. And I hope you'd always stay the same, cos there's nothing bout you I would change.
I do, cherish you. I would take bullets for you. And I wish you'd know that.
Is this silent treatment my punishment, or your own?
Don't wonder why an angel broke your heart. Cos please.. I'm no angel. =(
; the riddle (you and i)
Hmm.
I do miss her. But for one it wasn't really my bad. Two, I already tried to apologise.
What am I supposed to do, get on my knees and beg?
Sigh. Forget it.
I do miss her. But for one it wasn't really my bad. Two, I already tried to apologise.
What am I supposed to do, get on my knees and beg?
Sigh. Forget it.
; goodnight and go
IMAGINE REACHING HOME AT 7AM, TIRED OUT, ONLY TO FIND YOUR HOUSEDOOR BOLTED. THEN IMAGINE, YOUR RELIEF UPON FINALLY ENTERING THE HOUSE, ONLY TO FIND YOUR ROOMDOOR LOCKED.
Yes. And then opening your roomdoor to find two couples, one your cousin and her boyfriend and the other your brother and his girlfriend fast asleep. -.-
Does nobody have any consideration for my feelings anymore?!
Okay, digressing from whinings and grumblings.
I was almost late for Lovewrecked again. Thanks to the uncle who sells me indo cigs la! Budget! Amagawd he's so tiko it's almost amusing if not highly.. disgusting. He usually sees me in tshirts and shorts, and yeah today with makeup on and everything on he was GRABBING MY ARM AND ASKING ME TO HANG OUT WITH HIM, EVEN SUGGESTING 1 OR 2 AM OUTINGS OMG. This from a balding man hitting his 70s? -_-
The peak hour increase in pricetags for cabs are seriously ruining their business. Fuck the govt. And I can't stand those no-smoking area laws. Hello, we smokers have rights too, we're paying good money to smoke at places okay? Like Swensens which I went after Night Safari with Cw Tony and this girl name Sherrie who turned out to have a MULLUN mutual friends as I do, being one of my old cliques. Hahaha I can't believe I've actually heard about her and even seen her log with my ex la! And in case you guys are wondering why I read the logs of my ex, that's cos he READS EVERYONE OF MINE. I respect privacy of the rest of my ex-es okay?! (:
Night Safari was so fun. LOVE THE LEOPARDS. You guys should try it. Romantic like most people thought though? How can it be when I went with Cw. LOL. Okay sorry wife. He was good company la. Just not.. romantic. LOL.
And after everything I went over to his place to watch videos. Alot like love was good. Lotsa meaningful quotes. Like one I found particularly close to heart. Don't, you'll ruin it. Something like. Don't ask, don't talk about it, don't think too much. Just follow your heart and do whatever feels right at the moment. Oh and yeah if some moron tries to shoot you with the Kissing a smoker is like licking an asstray shit, just kick his/her ass with a. How about screwing one? HAHAHA.
Oh and the girl I met is in a relationshipy situation.. which I find. Hmm. She calls it Good friends, with benefits. Good for you if you know what I mean. Haha! I used to dig those kinda stuff. But like she said and what I learnt, once real feelings come into the picture, one's gonna get screwed so bad.
I guess I grew outta them? Now it's all or nothing for me. I think. Must be Erik and Michelle's influence. I'm seeking true love! HAHAHA.
For the SLIGHTEST moment I thought myself attracted to him. But rather than moving too far for my own good, for once I resisted the instincts and backed off. Rather than ruining what might turn out a great friendship. Which I think is a pretty smart move. And don't ask me who la. Lol. If you know, good for you. And for once, people, you can't bug me or question my behaviour cos I DID NOTHING! HAHAHA!
I know this, Imma addict for dramatics, I confuse the two for love.
Listening to my head is right. Playing safe feels good. Rather than rushing into forbidden unknown territory. I mean, hey I'm unsure of how I feel. In the past I would jus go straight for the kill, and see how things unfold. Whether it's platonic, attraction or something else. But recently, I've this nagging feeling anything other than pure unadulterated friendship for me will just turn out bad and stupid. Ah well. I yearn for the sneaky thing called love, but I guess I'm become too afraid, or maybe too cynical.
Whatever makes me happy, right? (:
Sorry for the twitish stuff. I'm too tired to blog properly.
I finished typing this at 8+am but my stupid comp died on me.
Yes. And then opening your roomdoor to find two couples, one your cousin and her boyfriend and the other your brother and his girlfriend fast asleep. -.-
Does nobody have any consideration for my feelings anymore?!
Okay, digressing from whinings and grumblings.
I was almost late for Lovewrecked again. Thanks to the uncle who sells me indo cigs la! Budget! Amagawd he's so tiko it's almost amusing if not highly.. disgusting. He usually sees me in tshirts and shorts, and yeah today with makeup on and everything on he was GRABBING MY ARM AND ASKING ME TO HANG OUT WITH HIM, EVEN SUGGESTING 1 OR 2 AM OUTINGS OMG. This from a balding man hitting his 70s? -_-
The peak hour increase in pricetags for cabs are seriously ruining their business. Fuck the govt. And I can't stand those no-smoking area laws. Hello, we smokers have rights too, we're paying good money to smoke at places okay? Like Swensens which I went after Night Safari with Cw Tony and this girl name Sherrie who turned out to have a MULLUN mutual friends as I do, being one of my old cliques. Hahaha I can't believe I've actually heard about her and even seen her log with my ex la! And in case you guys are wondering why I read the logs of my ex, that's cos he READS EVERYONE OF MINE. I respect privacy of the rest of my ex-es okay?! (:
Night Safari was so fun. LOVE THE LEOPARDS. You guys should try it. Romantic like most people thought though? How can it be when I went with Cw. LOL. Okay sorry wife. He was good company la. Just not.. romantic. LOL.
And after everything I went over to his place to watch videos. Alot like love was good. Lotsa meaningful quotes. Like one I found particularly close to heart. Don't, you'll ruin it. Something like. Don't ask, don't talk about it, don't think too much. Just follow your heart and do whatever feels right at the moment. Oh and yeah if some moron tries to shoot you with the Kissing a smoker is like licking an asstray shit, just kick his/her ass with a. How about screwing one? HAHAHA.
Oh and the girl I met is in a relationshipy situation.. which I find. Hmm. She calls it Good friends, with benefits. Good for you if you know what I mean. Haha! I used to dig those kinda stuff. But like she said and what I learnt, once real feelings come into the picture, one's gonna get screwed so bad.
I guess I grew outta them? Now it's all or nothing for me. I think. Must be Erik and Michelle's influence. I'm seeking true love! HAHAHA.
For the SLIGHTEST moment I thought myself attracted to him. But rather than moving too far for my own good, for once I resisted the instincts and backed off. Rather than ruining what might turn out a great friendship. Which I think is a pretty smart move. And don't ask me who la. Lol. If you know, good for you. And for once, people, you can't bug me or question my behaviour cos I DID NOTHING! HAHAHA!
I know this, Imma addict for dramatics, I confuse the two for love.
Listening to my head is right. Playing safe feels good. Rather than rushing into forbidden unknown territory. I mean, hey I'm unsure of how I feel. In the past I would jus go straight for the kill, and see how things unfold. Whether it's platonic, attraction or something else. But recently, I've this nagging feeling anything other than pure unadulterated friendship for me will just turn out bad and stupid. Ah well. I yearn for the sneaky thing called love, but I guess I'm become too afraid, or maybe too cynical.
Whatever makes me happy, right? (:
Sorry for the twitish stuff. I'm too tired to blog properly.
I finished typing this at 8+am but my stupid comp died on me.
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
; for you i will
"Nothing anyone can say matter cos I like the Jovina I know.."
Thank you. You made me wanna cry. Haha I'm sucha crybaby sometimes.
Thank you. You made me wanna cry. Haha I'm sucha crybaby sometimes.
; scars
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
My scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel
I'm glad the tension's cleared. I'm guilty of being over-sensitive, paranoid over the slightest issues, but then my feminine intuition is very seldom wrong. But I'm not gonna push it, and I just hope there'll be honesty and openness in friendships, relationships and everything else.
I'm not proud of my past. Like the fact that boys were but toys to me. Ter and mine's 'Frivolous's my name, flirting's my game'. Like the fact that I.. lead people on unwittingly. I'm ashamed of what I used to be like.
Now I'm merely vocal about who I deem cute. So don't go saying that I'm still the same girl you knew.
But I'm a new person, and I'm trying my best to grow up from my mistakes. So don't judge me, and I'll appreciate it if you just let the past go. I was really upset, when I felt that it never seemed to go away, it always haunts, but well.
I guess it's a matter of perception. I ask you all to allow me to start on a fresh slate. And if you guys have any doubts in me, clear it up first-hand, cos there's probably so much more to what you've heard. Okay? Thank you.
My weakness is that I care too much
My scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel
I'm glad the tension's cleared. I'm guilty of being over-sensitive, paranoid over the slightest issues, but then my feminine intuition is very seldom wrong. But I'm not gonna push it, and I just hope there'll be honesty and openness in friendships, relationships and everything else.
I'm not proud of my past. Like the fact that boys were but toys to me. Ter and mine's 'Frivolous's my name, flirting's my game'. Like the fact that I.. lead people on unwittingly. I'm ashamed of what I used to be like.
Now I'm merely vocal about who I deem cute. So don't go saying that I'm still the same girl you knew.
But I'm a new person, and I'm trying my best to grow up from my mistakes. So don't judge me, and I'll appreciate it if you just let the past go. I was really upset, when I felt that it never seemed to go away, it always haunts, but well.
I guess it's a matter of perception. I ask you all to allow me to start on a fresh slate. And if you guys have any doubts in me, clear it up first-hand, cos there's probably so much more to what you've heard. Okay? Thank you.
Monday, September 04, 2006
; every night's another story
I saw this on the blog of a friend.
"I should stop controlling her.. yada. After all.. I'm only just her boyfriend."
Yes, don't we all place our significant others on pedestals so high it's ridiculous sometimes?
I know, we love them and everything but well. We're but a boyfriend/girlfriend.
What's the point of an other half?
Someone to share happiness and sorrows with. Someone to satisfy the physical cravings of lust. Someone to fill up the emotional void everyone is somehow owner of.
So why does everything else come in? Jealousy, insecurity. Anger, hurt. Love manifests very negative emotions.
My next, I'll try to fufill this and no more making the same mistakes. (:
"I should stop controlling her.. yada. After all.. I'm only just her boyfriend."
Yes, don't we all place our significant others on pedestals so high it's ridiculous sometimes?
I know, we love them and everything but well. We're but a boyfriend/girlfriend.
What's the point of an other half?
Someone to share happiness and sorrows with. Someone to satisfy the physical cravings of lust. Someone to fill up the emotional void everyone is somehow owner of.
So why does everything else come in? Jealousy, insecurity. Anger, hurt. Love manifests very negative emotions.
My next, I'll try to fufill this and no more making the same mistakes. (:
; don't speak
Am I inferior to a hooker?
I'm seriously starting to feel this way.
If you wanna know, I can be anything you want me to.
Gentle, sweet, obliging.
I won't be clingy or possesive. I won't expect you to coax and pamper. I won't throw tantrums or expect you to be there 24/7.
I just want you.
That's why I say..
For you, I will..
I'm seriously starting to feel this way.
If you wanna know, I can be anything you want me to.
Gentle, sweet, obliging.
I won't be clingy or possesive. I won't expect you to coax and pamper. I won't throw tantrums or expect you to be there 24/7.
I just want you.
That's why I say..
For you, I will..
; cry
I'd always remember, it was late afternoon. It lasted forever, and ended too soon.
In places no one will find all your feelings so deep inside. It was then that I realised that forever is in your eyes.
You were always the cool one, and I was never that sure.
I wanted to hold you, I wanted to make it go away. I wanted to know you, I wanted to make your everything.. alright..
In places no one will find all your feelings so deep inside. It was then that I realised that forever is in your eyes.
You were always the cool one, and I was never that sure.
I wanted to hold you, I wanted to make it go away. I wanted to know you, I wanted to make your everything.. alright..
; chen mo wan ju
XiaoBai kept singing this song to irritate me. But I guess it really struck a chord, deep down..
Direct translation;
I became a shadow to hide myself
Love suffocates
I'm a silent toy, stubbornly loving you
Confusing myself
Unwilling to allow my deep love lose in your game
You wanna run
Aginst a hug
And I saw
Wei she me ai shang ni de ren shi wo
Wei she me yi xiang qing yuan de ren hui nan guo
Wei she me dui ni she bu de jiu ren shi wo
Ai shang ni xu yao na zhen qing yi
shuo zai er qing yi
Lonliness doesn't allow rest
Yet it forgets the sweetness
Bliss isn't beautiful
But I do mind
This deep love for you
I don't blame myself
Direct translation;
I became a shadow to hide myself
Love suffocates
I'm a silent toy, stubbornly loving you
Confusing myself
Unwilling to allow my deep love lose in your game
You wanna run
Aginst a hug
And I saw
Wei she me ai shang ni de ren shi wo
Wei she me yi xiang qing yuan de ren hui nan guo
Wei she me dui ni she bu de jiu ren shi wo
Ai shang ni xu yao na zhen qing yi
shuo zai er qing yi
Lonliness doesn't allow rest
Yet it forgets the sweetness
Bliss isn't beautiful
But I do mind
This deep love for you
I don't blame myself
Sunday, September 03, 2006
; deng dai
HAHAHA LOSER.
I've been getting an annoyingly large number of unknown friend and msn requests and though I reject friendster ones cos I can't be bothered to msg and inquire whether I really know them or not, I do allow msn contacts.
But they mostly annoy me so I simply /block after talking to them for 3mins. Well this guy was like. With a weird email. andy_2ndhandmobilesales@hotmail.com or something. But the picture. I was struck. Familiarity. The hot brother of my close friend and volleyball shifu, Ellery! Why I even had a minor crush on him back in sec2!
So yeah I was like. So, Andy, who's that guy in your display pic? And he had a nerve. "Argh. Of course me la. Then who. My father meh." OMFG.
HAHAHAHAHA LOSER.
I fucking embarrased him by going. HAHAHA THAT'S MY FRIEND. GOT CAUGHT HUH. WHY, TOO UGLY TO USE YOUR REAL PIC? WELL DON'T USE MY FRIEND'S ONE NEXT TIME LA.
HAHAHAHAHAHA. The poor guy probably never expected such a coincidence.
MORON MOFO!
I've been getting an annoyingly large number of unknown friend and msn requests and though I reject friendster ones cos I can't be bothered to msg and inquire whether I really know them or not, I do allow msn contacts.
But they mostly annoy me so I simply /block after talking to them for 3mins. Well this guy was like. With a weird email. andy_2ndhandmobilesales@hotmail.com or something. But the picture. I was struck. Familiarity. The hot brother of my close friend and volleyball shifu, Ellery! Why I even had a minor crush on him back in sec2!
So yeah I was like. So, Andy, who's that guy in your display pic? And he had a nerve. "Argh. Of course me la. Then who. My father meh." OMFG.
HAHAHAHAHA LOSER.
I fucking embarrased him by going. HAHAHA THAT'S MY FRIEND. GOT CAUGHT HUH. WHY, TOO UGLY TO USE YOUR REAL PIC? WELL DON'T USE MY FRIEND'S ONE NEXT TIME LA.
HAHAHAHAHAHA. The poor guy probably never expected such a coincidence.
MORON MOFO!
; sway
I was so fascinated over Jay's Winning A Woman's Heart 101 Guide, and I tried it out on Cw la. Hahahaha.
We're still compiling, so please be patient.
In the meantime, here's 2, just for laughs.
1. Tell a woman she's your first female passenger when you first take her out in your car.
2. If she complains about you flirting around and gets all insecure and rubbish, here's the ultimate you can tell her. I may flirt around, but my dick's only for you.
Hahahah. Cw think it's sweet. Actually I think it's retarded. If my boyfriend openly admits to flirting around I'll kick his dick and put it out of use. HAHAHA.
So he told me to make good use of his working to garner more affairs. For more income. And when I asked whether he was sure he went Yeah, he would consider a divorce only if I didn't know my limits. And when I inquired the definition of limits, he went Well. Your dick should only be for me? HAHAHAHA.
We're so funny sometimes I swear.
We're still compiling, so please be patient.
In the meantime, here's 2, just for laughs.
1. Tell a woman she's your first female passenger when you first take her out in your car.
2. If she complains about you flirting around and gets all insecure and rubbish, here's the ultimate you can tell her. I may flirt around, but my dick's only for you.
Hahahah. Cw think it's sweet. Actually I think it's retarded. If my boyfriend openly admits to flirting around I'll kick his dick and put it out of use. HAHAHA.
So he told me to make good use of his working to garner more affairs. For more income. And when I asked whether he was sure he went Yeah, he would consider a divorce only if I didn't know my limits. And when I inquired the definition of limits, he went Well. Your dick should only be for me? HAHAHAHA.
We're so funny sometimes I swear.
; mungkin nanti
Yesterday I was outside Lido in the wee hours of the morning (say 1 or 2 am) and I couldn't help a creepy sense of dejavu coming over me.
I remembered that time, it was after X-Men III. Michie, him, me and you. It was the first time I met you after you made known your feelings. It was the first time you held my hand.
I can still envision the scene in the cinema when I pulled my hand away after you got a text from your ex-girlfriend. And the way you whispered. "Baby.. don't be like that."
And because of that, you decided to make your way down to your ex's to clear things up, that you wanted an out for real. And the way you told me, I'm a free bird now when you were done.
Though I wasn't in love with you, I enjoyed your company. I really did. It's sad that we're no longer friends. Hanging out, just the four of us the way we used to was fun. Time seemed to fly.
I'm glad things are going well for you and your girlfriend right now. Even after all the shit you've done to me. I really am happy for you, and for her as well.
I remembered that time, it was after X-Men III. Michie, him, me and you. It was the first time I met you after you made known your feelings. It was the first time you held my hand.
I can still envision the scene in the cinema when I pulled my hand away after you got a text from your ex-girlfriend. And the way you whispered. "Baby.. don't be like that."
And because of that, you decided to make your way down to your ex's to clear things up, that you wanted an out for real. And the way you told me, I'm a free bird now when you were done.
Though I wasn't in love with you, I enjoyed your company. I really did. It's sad that we're no longer friends. Hanging out, just the four of us the way we used to was fun. Time seemed to fly.
I'm glad things are going well for you and your girlfriend right now. Even after all the shit you've done to me. I really am happy for you, and for her as well.
; this never happened before
Haha. Lucky me huh?
Screw that.
I just have to log into his account, see his nickname and go jump down from the 7th story.
I missed you more than I realised. And perhaps more than I wanna give myself credit for.
Life's been too fast moving, too colorful to think too much about you lately. But now I realise, I've never fully dropped you from my mind and heart.
Maybe I love you too much to give up. This goes out to her from you. And it's going out from me, to you.
Aiya screw that too la. Screw love. It doesn't fucking exist.
And if you or your friends are reading this. Fuck la don't think too much okay. It might not be you I meant la please.
I'm so stupid sometimes I annoy myself.
I hate the world. Go away everyone just go just GO.
I've the worst mood swings ever. I know. And well you can fuck off too if it annoys you. Quit pissing me off. Thank god no one's around otherwise I might just outburst and blow.
Good night la.
Screw that.
I just have to log into his account, see his nickname and go jump down from the 7th story.
I missed you more than I realised. And perhaps more than I wanna give myself credit for.
Life's been too fast moving, too colorful to think too much about you lately. But now I realise, I've never fully dropped you from my mind and heart.
Maybe I love you too much to give up. This goes out to her from you. And it's going out from me, to you.
Aiya screw that too la. Screw love. It doesn't fucking exist.
And if you or your friends are reading this. Fuck la don't think too much okay. It might not be you I meant la please.
I'm so stupid sometimes I annoy myself.
I hate the world. Go away everyone just go just GO.
I've the worst mood swings ever. I know. And well you can fuck off too if it annoys you. Quit pissing me off. Thank god no one's around otherwise I might just outburst and blow.
Good night la.
; chen mo wan ju
Hmm. I'm really effing pampered I'm beginning to think.
And the realisations comes with appreciation for the people around me. What would I be without you guys!
Erik, for the endless consultations on everything from guys to chaos theory to the difference between mac, windows and linux. Haha!
Michie thinks she should be paid everytime hanging out with me. Know why know why? BABYSITTING CHARGES. LOL. Yknow this really hilarious incident. Erik was sending us home, and he reached Michie's place. Turned around and ask Jov, so where do we go. I just.. shrugged. Dunno? And Mich the walking street directory started directing Erik. Turn right turn left turn at this junction and what nots. In the end Erik got so confused and the decision was made. He'll send me home with Mich IN the car, so that she could lead him to my place before driving to HER PLACE again. OMGWTFBBQSTEAMBOATSEOULGARDEN RIGHT. Like she said I think she's like my boyfriend only female. Wahlao she knew me for months I can count with one hand and she knows almost everything about me like the quirky habits and patterns as well as facts you gotta know eg. directions. eg. i love cute boys. eg. i do stupid stuff people think funny but i just don't know why. I'm sucha kid at heart I swear. Cw always looks at me then laugh to himself for I don't know what freaking reason la and he says obviously I did something funny or the like HAHA.
And Cheewee was like so sweet the poor guy. He had to cut up the burger and scoop the pieces up nicely so that I can eat it. And the time we had noodles he actually placed the noodles nicely into the spoon so I can just pick up the spoon and eat. HAHAHA. Tell me where I can find a better wife than this please. Works while I relax smoke msn. Pte joke hahahaha. I gotta start figuring out what to do with his pay. HEEHEEHEE. Okay evil thoughts jokes only la!
And I've only known him for like awhile and Mich for a couple of months but they saved my life countless times la. Especially when road-crossing. I think I'll have died long ago without my friends. They're always the one pulling me onto the curb. Hahaha.
Not to forget Micky la hahaha we're like so funny today I keep laughing. Took my mind of emo issues. I'm so lucky sometimes I feel.
I really wanna watch Lovewrecked. I keep missing it. Grrr.
Eh you guys realise this entry is like so twitish heh? I don't know why too. Too tired to write properly I think.
Lalalala.
And the realisations comes with appreciation for the people around me. What would I be without you guys!
Erik, for the endless consultations on everything from guys to chaos theory to the difference between mac, windows and linux. Haha!
Michie thinks she should be paid everytime hanging out with me. Know why know why? BABYSITTING CHARGES. LOL. Yknow this really hilarious incident. Erik was sending us home, and he reached Michie's place. Turned around and ask Jov, so where do we go. I just.. shrugged. Dunno? And Mich the walking street directory started directing Erik. Turn right turn left turn at this junction and what nots. In the end Erik got so confused and the decision was made. He'll send me home with Mich IN the car, so that she could lead him to my place before driving to HER PLACE again. OMGWTFBBQSTEAMBOATSEOULGARDEN RIGHT. Like she said I think she's like my boyfriend only female. Wahlao she knew me for months I can count with one hand and she knows almost everything about me like the quirky habits and patterns as well as facts you gotta know eg. directions. eg. i love cute boys. eg. i do stupid stuff people think funny but i just don't know why. I'm sucha kid at heart I swear. Cw always looks at me then laugh to himself for I don't know what freaking reason la and he says obviously I did something funny or the like HAHA.
And Cheewee was like so sweet the poor guy. He had to cut up the burger and scoop the pieces up nicely so that I can eat it. And the time we had noodles he actually placed the noodles nicely into the spoon so I can just pick up the spoon and eat. HAHAHA. Tell me where I can find a better wife than this please. Works while I relax smoke msn. Pte joke hahahaha. I gotta start figuring out what to do with his pay. HEEHEEHEE. Okay evil thoughts jokes only la!
And I've only known him for like awhile and Mich for a couple of months but they saved my life countless times la. Especially when road-crossing. I think I'll have died long ago without my friends. They're always the one pulling me onto the curb. Hahaha.
Not to forget Micky la hahaha we're like so funny today I keep laughing. Took my mind of emo issues. I'm so lucky sometimes I feel.
I really wanna watch Lovewrecked. I keep missing it. Grrr.
Eh you guys realise this entry is like so twitish heh? I don't know why too. Too tired to write properly I think.
Lalalala.
Friday, September 01, 2006
; wei she me xiang ai de ren bu neng zai yi qi
I shouldn't be crying over this. I shouldn't even be upset. But I guess tears, like many other things in our lives are out of our control. They just fall..
Yknow. I would give up the world for you.
All you ever have to do is to ask.
Why do you have to do something like that, something which I can give you most willingly, no strings attached?
Leo and Josh are both so sweet. Haha.
*love jov`emo
sayang
A split second later.
Yknow. I would give up the world for you.
All you ever have to do is to ask.
Why do you have to do something like that, something which I can give you most willingly, no strings attached?
Leo and Josh are both so sweet. Haha.
A split second later.
| Josh - : |  |
|---|
; my happy ending
Lets talk this over, it's not like we're dead. Was it something I did, was it something you said. Don't leave me hanging in a city so dead. Hell up so high, on such a breakable thread.
You were all the things I thought I knew. And I thought we could be.
You were everything everything that I wanted. We were meant to be supposed to be but we lost it. All the memories so close to me just fade away. All this time you were pretending, so much for my happy ending.
It's nice to know that you were there, thanks for acting like you cared and making me feel like I was the only one. It's nice to know that we had it all, thanks for watching as I fall, and letting me know we were done.
All this time you were pretending.
So much for my happy ending.
You were all the things I thought I knew. And I thought we could be.
You were everything everything that I wanted. We were meant to be supposed to be but we lost it. All the memories so close to me just fade away. All this time you were pretending, so much for my happy ending.
It's nice to know that you were there, thanks for acting like you cared and making me feel like I was the only one. It's nice to know that we had it all, thanks for watching as I fall, and letting me know we were done.
All this time you were pretending.
So much for my happy ending.
; shoutouts
HAHAHA I realised I get by alot on cheap thrills. Like seeing my huge name pasted on Michie's blog. Mala steamboat, whatever it is this weekend babe, I can't wait to see you too! OUTBURSTS! I haven't seen you in a mullun years =(( okay say one week! Record breaking.
Sigh and I haven't seen Sis for so long, almost a couple of weeks, finally met up today but I messed up. I'm sorry =/
This is all I can come out with, I'm damn tired after copying homework for Cw. Yah la I'm at TP like a moron instead of sleeping at home like I should.
Hungry! Cranky ahhhhhh.
Sigh and I haven't seen Sis for so long, almost a couple of weeks, finally met up today but I messed up. I'm sorry =/
This is all I can come out with, I'm damn tired after copying homework for Cw. Yah la I'm at TP like a moron instead of sleeping at home like I should.
Hungry! Cranky ahhhhhh.
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