; wo yao wei ni jie yan

I needed to burp so desperately, was at the point of muttering 'I will give two bucks to burp right now' and stalking up and down the living room trying to walk the burp right out. And I managed that while I was fiddling with the Activemeter codes, didn't seem to have the 'write vibe' without it.. must be some lil narcissistic fragment of myself I was unaware of o.o

I have terrible bodyaches, shoulder more than anything else and though I can't deny my atrocious body posture's probably contributes to at least half the reason why.. I think (really think, not just the infamous self pity kicking in) there's something wrong with my body. Internal wise. Too much popping of the happy pills couple of years back, and those 'omgwtfbbq I wanna die right now' childish frequency I've been constantly on and off for.. 4 years?

So whiny I know. So caught up in my little troubles that I didn't even blog about the Cho Seung-Hui tragedy. Especially after reading those lil.. OKAY I MUST BE TIRED MY VOCAB SEEMS REALLY DOWN.. 'passages' of those murdered so dreadfully. I would have to be non human to write, I ended up weeping in front of the computer screen with my maid and dog looking on curiously.

I want to be independent. To be a strong, free woman. But I can't. Everytime I think I'm getting closer those paranoia cells jump in. Anxiety, they called it. Literally trembling, my heartbeat racing and my breathing harder. Until the incident whatever it was blows over.

Okay whatever I don't feel like elaborating. The sky's gorgeous. Purplish with pinkish orange layered over it, the faintest shade of beige, pale, pale pale pink merging so naturally with pale, pale pale blue. Ad the clouds are just.. there, like ornaments on a christmas tree. I'm not a big.. daytime person you know, being half a vampire and all that but hmm. I like the sky as it is now, I really like it.

/edit Okay I HAVE to add this, I looked away for like two seconds to post this entry up and WOW the sky's more blue and beige now. Amazing. I will stare at the sky whenever I have nothing better to do from now on.