Skip, skip, skip, and I still manage not to find a song morose enough to serve as accompaniment to both my mood and the bitter taste of the fag in my mouth.
Thank god for my brother. Before any life threatening, infantile rashness, which I'm fully capable of, trust me, he serves as an acute reminder, that there is a single person out there that I must at least have a last word with, a final embrace before I bid the world farewell.
DaoMingSi's - I love you, gave my all, but again, and again, you shred my heart into pieces. Cliche, I sound like a lovesick twit, no?, but most ept nontheless.
And yet I still forgive, and smile, or at least fake one. Bernice and the family must think I'm a complete nutcase, and an utter disgrace as a girlfriend. Kenneth will smile, and tell me to forget not the good. Would you still, if I share my agony and anguish? Heartbreaking tales, that potray me as the biggest fool alive.
I asked the boyfriend, could you walk through the hell I did, the living hell you made my life? I didn't make it out alive, at least my soul didn't. Broken being that I am, will I ever truly trust and believe in the general good of people, again?
Where is your heart, when I'm not around?
I am not suprised to find welling tears, only wonder why sobs have not commence. Perhaps the glands are exhausted, weary from constant usage. My selflessness disgusts me, is it selflessness or weakness?
Rain is descending ever so gently, is this familiar comfort of your teardrop chorale an atonement dear Lord, your wordless way of making amends? Never have I been more grateful for my little precious lying trustingly, moments before slumber on my lap, her eyes inquiring silently of the salty liquid upon her nose, never grudging that I will wake her when I leave my seat, always forgiving the constant smoke that pollutes her breathing.
I stare at the screen, my fingers resting on the keyboard - I no longer know what to say. I need no pity. This is but a release, you should only read it like how you do a story, how you would have no mean to tell the heroine that you feel her pain.
Perhaps this year is a mistake, I should've left and not postponed my studies, instead of trapping myself in endless dawdling. Perhaps one day I will look back and laugh at my foolishness of how I almost threw my future away. Perhaps you're smiling at how badly I take minor setbacks so early, it is not even a fifth of a century, my life.
But this post will serve as a reminder that at this very moment, I'm tasting the purest of pain.
Sunday, April 29, 2007
Saturday, April 28, 2007
; a&w root beer
Waiting for the bf to finish his shower, I was being the Kpo that I am, and surfing friendster (two people and their ladies I would view regularly) and to 'check out' some info I would otherwise be in the dark of, I added an old.. acquaintance, if you can call us that, of mine.
Outta curiousity I clicked the friends in common and whoa so many friends I didn't have in my friendster in hers! As in, people I know too. The one that made me happiest was Carina's. She was one of the.. 'POP' ahliens. You know, 484, Bboss, ClubIII & IV, Rush and Angel and all. One of the big fucks, really.
Now a proud mother of an adorable child and her husband's cute too! Oh and I suddenly remember a friend of mine, who has a seriously will die from it's KAWAIINESS baby, something hilarious she said - Jov, if you wanna marry, marry a Japanese husband so your baby will be as handsome as mine.
LOL SHE SAID IT DAMN EARNESTLY TOO LA!
Outta curiousity I clicked the friends in common and whoa so many friends I didn't have in my friendster in hers! As in, people I know too. The one that made me happiest was Carina's. She was one of the.. 'POP' ahliens. You know, 484, Bboss, ClubIII & IV, Rush and Angel and all. One of the big fucks, really.
Now a proud mother of an adorable child and her husband's cute too! Oh and I suddenly remember a friend of mine, who has a seriously will die from it's KAWAIINESS baby, something hilarious she said - Jov, if you wanna marry, marry a Japanese husband so your baby will be as handsome as mine.
LOL SHE SAID IT DAMN EARNESTLY TOO LA!
Friday, April 27, 2007
; cute without the e
For you,
I would've been foolish too.
I would've blinded myself to your visible flaws, deafened myself to protective protests of others.
Cherished and loved you tenderly.
My all,
asking for naught, not status, nor your fidelity.
Regardless of the pain and hurt you would've inflicted,
I wanted nothing more than your love, in return.
My wild child..
belongs to somebody else now.
I would've been foolish too.
I would've blinded myself to your visible flaws, deafened myself to protective protests of others.
Cherished and loved you tenderly.
My all,
asking for naught, not status, nor your fidelity.
Regardless of the pain and hurt you would've inflicted,
I wanted nothing more than your love, in return.
My wild child..
belongs to somebody else now.
; love's theme song
I was originally very, very annoyed.
Why did my Gstring appear in my cousin's shelf? (it's directly below mine) And worst, the soft dazzling white fabric is stained with blueish blackish taints. 20bucks apiece, not alot of money, but certainly quite abit for a teeny piece of cloth. Plus it's an S, so she could've fitted perfectly. I mean hello, I was pissed when she wore my top which I've been saving for an occasion or other and I told her off very gently, but underwear is.. PRIVATE.
She denies it, so I'm wondering whether it's the maid trying to conjure stories. Cos she told me similar ones of socks, and though it was true, it turned out that my Mom gave my cousin permission. Still, I suspect my cousin might not be entirely honest. I don't remember telling her she could have this certain old panty which she insisted I did. But duh, family > maid I guess.
I have a nasty temper, most people are unaware, and I'm ashamed to say, only my family and the boyfriend gets the full brunt of it.
I do love my cousin, but I get very very tired of her sometimes, especially when I realised she complains of this 'fuckedup family' and 'cb sis (me)'. I don't do that! I understand I'm not the easiest person to get along with 24/7. But she's gotta understand, that though what I'm gonna say is hurting, it's very, very true.
Okay I'm not gonna say anymore.
Why did my Gstring appear in my cousin's shelf? (it's directly below mine) And worst, the soft dazzling white fabric is stained with blueish blackish taints. 20bucks apiece, not alot of money, but certainly quite abit for a teeny piece of cloth. Plus it's an S, so she could've fitted perfectly. I mean hello, I was pissed when she wore my top which I've been saving for an occasion or other and I told her off very gently, but underwear is.. PRIVATE.
She denies it, so I'm wondering whether it's the maid trying to conjure stories. Cos she told me similar ones of socks, and though it was true, it turned out that my Mom gave my cousin permission. Still, I suspect my cousin might not be entirely honest. I don't remember telling her she could have this certain old panty which she insisted I did. But duh, family > maid I guess.
I have a nasty temper, most people are unaware, and I'm ashamed to say, only my family and the boyfriend gets the full brunt of it.
I do love my cousin, but I get very very tired of her sometimes, especially when I realised she complains of this 'fuckedup family' and 'cb sis (me)'. I don't do that! I understand I'm not the easiest person to get along with 24/7. But she's gotta understand, that though what I'm gonna say is hurting, it's very, very true.
Okay I'm not gonna say anymore.
Thursday, April 26, 2007
; byul
"I've been wondering how somebody like you can manage to change a person's heartbeat.
I don't like being influenced, thus I've always loathed people who influenced me.
I hate you influencing my heartbeat
getting into my vision
and affecting my thoughts.
Tell me how I can stop you from influencing my mind,
how I can stop my mind from thinking about you.
I hate you. I really hate you,
because you don't even give me a chance to forget you."
I don't like being influenced, thus I've always loathed people who influenced me.
I hate you influencing my heartbeat
getting into my vision
and affecting my thoughts.
Tell me how I can stop you from influencing my mind,
how I can stop my mind from thinking about you.
I hate you. I really hate you,
because you don't even give me a chance to forget you."
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
; all about loving you
Wah. Vaunt 2 looks interesting.
Hosted by Carla & Danielle along with Monique & Chanel? Nowadays organisers collaborating with SCDC meh? o.o
Mtv somemore. Weird shits.
Hosted by Carla & Danielle along with Monique & Chanel? Nowadays organisers collaborating with SCDC meh? o.o
Mtv somemore. Weird shits.
; when it all falls apart
Even in slumber I get no peace.
Such stressful dreams; nightmares;
Leave me.
Such stressful dreams; nightmares;
Leave me.
Monday, April 23, 2007
; byul
So sleepy..
It's kinda annoying that I have to bring my cigs around at home since my lil bro has this habit of stealing my fags to sell to his friends or something. Parents' order.
SO SLEEPY..
I need to pack my room but my cousin will mess it up with her books ' O LEVEL I NEED TO STUDY LEH '
So much for a productive day.
It's kinda annoying that I have to bring my cigs around at home since my lil bro has this habit of stealing my fags to sell to his friends or something. Parents' order.
SO SLEEPY..
I need to pack my room but my cousin will mess it up with her books ' O LEVEL I NEED TO STUDY LEH '
So much for a productive day.
; byul
Great actress, hot leading man, beautiful vocals. What more can one ask for? Oh and interesting plot, if not very original, I suppose.
Saturday, April 21, 2007
; self deceit
When possible, I generally tend towards ambiguity to avoid the reactions/responses of those who read or might chance across this ranting ground, whether welcomed or not. But maybe jus not right now.
I think it's right that I say, I'm worn out. I really am.
Would you be, if you're dealing with
a) The second act of infidelity
b) Accusations that are fully justified
I won't elaborate on the first, it's still a fresh wound and morever, my sister has already told me I'm the silliest living creature alive and urged me to come home right away, even offering to sponser my transport which at this hour, would probably add up to 30 odd which is alot, considering she doesn't have an allowance (unless requested which is only in desperate times) and spends only what she earns. And I'm still here, using his computer to type this.
If I don't let it out I'll turn crazy. I've already abused my trusty Lexotan since the fatal discovery, doubled the dosage for anxiety, and more to tranquilize and aid sleep.
I don't deny I'm more paranoid than the average girl, I never did. But it began when he flirted with Michelle (you don't call a platonic friend sweetie, do you, and a couple of reasons I can't seem to remember, but just get this, he admitted and apologised to them) and got worst when more lies came into the picture.
Strike one, strike two(s) and the third was the first major lying and what I would simply call cheating incident. And now the second.
Don't judge me and say I step over my boyfriend.
Get this, my boyfriend let me down twice and I'm sticking around cos I love him too much not to forgive him (maybe I'm just dense or something)
Lets say, I don't use this as my trump card (as if it's not bad enough)
Is it wrong that my boyfriend loves me, and respects my intense unwillingness of him heading to clubs without me, and chooses not to go? God, even people who swear by 100% trust in a relationship, eg. my sister and Michelle, the first says absolutely not, and her boyfriend agrees, the latter doesn't really feel happy about it and I daresay (my opinion) she IS secretly upset about it when he does. Of course, there are exceptions, but you can't deny it's the GENERAL response of people up to at least 25. And when you're 25 and married.. what would you say?
And what if say, I'm just using a random name, Jeanin (similarity to any real human being you might know purely coincidental) had a talk with you, and you discovered that you going clubbing greatly disturbs and upsets her? Would you go? I think not. Despite the fact that's she's not even your significant other, that you are merely a close friend, you wouldn't do what she specifies, will hurt her. Or would you? What more if she's the one you love, who 'belongs' to you? Can you answer me and honestly tell me you don't feel guilty for pressurising my boyfriend?
Second,
Yes, my boyfriend does occasionally reject outings. Is it fair to push all the blame to me? "Of cos she say go la, then she show face you don't go already". If it wasn't so crude I would say, LANJIAO, so I'm expected to fake a happy grin when I'm not feeling any jubilant? I tell him sure go, it's not my fault what my expression says, I don't feel that I owe it to you guys to fake a happy face yo.
Or when I refused to go, if you guys think I'm being difficult, hey, it's become I'M TIRED/DON'T FEEL LIKE GOING/RATHER DO SOMETHING ELSE. Should I FORCE myself to go to please you? What are you? What have you done to please ME? I don't owe you any favours, do I?
And have you ever considered the fact that the boyfriend MIGHT NOT WANT TO GO? Simple as that. When he agreed and plans were made before hand, when did he not turn up? All the stunts 'chut pattern' only comes out when you guys FORCE/THREATEN/PUTS WORDS IN HIS MOUTH - saying he agreed when he didn't/ COMING TO HIS HOUSE TO ATTEMPT TO DRAG HIM OUT. So he can't be tired or lazy after work huh?
I'm too lazy to say anymore and seriously too disgusted, so I'm just going to say this, look, if you hurt someone important to you badly, you'll want to make amends right? You wouldn't want to hurt the person again would you? So though the boyfriend insists that it's because he doesn't like the place/don't feel like going after I told him 'if you want, feel free to go', I know it's cos he's trying to earn back my trust and love, and make the tears go away.
For fuck's sake, the day I found out the terrible truth, I forced myself to go out with you guys THOUGH YOU MISUNDERSTOOD AND ATTACKED ME FOR NO REASON the day before. I kept my hurt and anger at bay, we saved our critical conversation for another time JUST FOR YOU COS HE PROMISED YOU HE WOULD MEET YOU THAT DAY.
And I don't see you appreciating this gesture of goodwill. But you go on attacking me. Just put Jeanin in my shoes la (FICTIONAL NAME)
I think it's right that I say, I'm worn out. I really am.
Would you be, if you're dealing with
a) The second act of infidelity
b) Accusations that are fully justified
I won't elaborate on the first, it's still a fresh wound and morever, my sister has already told me I'm the silliest living creature alive and urged me to come home right away, even offering to sponser my transport which at this hour, would probably add up to 30 odd which is alot, considering she doesn't have an allowance (unless requested which is only in desperate times) and spends only what she earns. And I'm still here, using his computer to type this.
If I don't let it out I'll turn crazy. I've already abused my trusty Lexotan since the fatal discovery, doubled the dosage for anxiety, and more to tranquilize and aid sleep.
I don't deny I'm more paranoid than the average girl, I never did. But it began when he flirted with Michelle (you don't call a platonic friend sweetie, do you, and a couple of reasons I can't seem to remember, but just get this, he admitted and apologised to them) and got worst when more lies came into the picture.
Strike one, strike two(s) and the third was the first major lying and what I would simply call cheating incident. And now the second.
Don't judge me and say I step over my boyfriend.
Get this, my boyfriend let me down twice and I'm sticking around cos I love him too much not to forgive him (maybe I'm just dense or something)
Lets say, I don't use this as my trump card (as if it's not bad enough)
Is it wrong that my boyfriend loves me, and respects my intense unwillingness of him heading to clubs without me, and chooses not to go? God, even people who swear by 100% trust in a relationship, eg. my sister and Michelle, the first says absolutely not, and her boyfriend agrees, the latter doesn't really feel happy about it and I daresay (my opinion) she IS secretly upset about it when he does. Of course, there are exceptions, but you can't deny it's the GENERAL response of people up to at least 25. And when you're 25 and married.. what would you say?
And what if say, I'm just using a random name, Jeanin (similarity to any real human being you might know purely coincidental) had a talk with you, and you discovered that you going clubbing greatly disturbs and upsets her? Would you go? I think not. Despite the fact that's she's not even your significant other, that you are merely a close friend, you wouldn't do what she specifies, will hurt her. Or would you? What more if she's the one you love, who 'belongs' to you? Can you answer me and honestly tell me you don't feel guilty for pressurising my boyfriend?
Second,
Yes, my boyfriend does occasionally reject outings. Is it fair to push all the blame to me? "Of cos she say go la, then she show face you don't go already". If it wasn't so crude I would say, LANJIAO, so I'm expected to fake a happy grin when I'm not feeling any jubilant? I tell him sure go, it's not my fault what my expression says, I don't feel that I owe it to you guys to fake a happy face yo.
Or when I refused to go, if you guys think I'm being difficult, hey, it's become I'M TIRED/DON'T FEEL LIKE GOING/RATHER DO SOMETHING ELSE. Should I FORCE myself to go to please you? What are you? What have you done to please ME? I don't owe you any favours, do I?
And have you ever considered the fact that the boyfriend MIGHT NOT WANT TO GO? Simple as that. When he agreed and plans were made before hand, when did he not turn up? All the stunts 'chut pattern' only comes out when you guys FORCE/THREATEN/PUTS WORDS IN HIS MOUTH - saying he agreed when he didn't/ COMING TO HIS HOUSE TO ATTEMPT TO DRAG HIM OUT. So he can't be tired or lazy after work huh?
I'm too lazy to say anymore and seriously too disgusted, so I'm just going to say this, look, if you hurt someone important to you badly, you'll want to make amends right? You wouldn't want to hurt the person again would you? So though the boyfriend insists that it's because he doesn't like the place/don't feel like going after I told him 'if you want, feel free to go', I know it's cos he's trying to earn back my trust and love, and make the tears go away.
For fuck's sake, the day I found out the terrible truth, I forced myself to go out with you guys THOUGH YOU MISUNDERSTOOD AND ATTACKED ME FOR NO REASON the day before. I kept my hurt and anger at bay, we saved our critical conversation for another time JUST FOR YOU COS HE PROMISED YOU HE WOULD MEET YOU THAT DAY.
And I don't see you appreciating this gesture of goodwill. But you go on attacking me. Just put Jeanin in my shoes la (FICTIONAL NAME)
; hurt
Bestow upon me the skills, the delicate art of staying alive, when most of the time, you feel like you're bleeding to death.
Sometimes I want to unleash the fury, the vengeance, most of all the hurt and end it all by stabbing you to allow you to maybe comprehend even a tenth of my pain.
Then I want to stab myself for being sucha fool for you.
When will this end?
I just want to be happy..
Sometimes I want to unleash the fury, the vengeance, most of all the hurt and end it all by stabbing you to allow you to maybe comprehend even a tenth of my pain.
Then I want to stab myself for being sucha fool for you.
When will this end?
I just want to be happy..
Thursday, April 19, 2007
; red eye society
Numerous times I've reiterated the futility of words, these useless tools, an impediement to potray emotions, express muses as transparent as you'll like, and this is one of the times.
I would attempt, but right now the brutal process I know will overwhelm and consume me into a deeper abyss of torment, already I am bleeding, within and without, incessantly.
I once proclaimed, and I'll scream it out loud once more most indignantly, most acrimoniously:
WHY SHOULD I BELIEVE IN A GOD WHO ORCHESTRATES A LIVING HELL FOR ME TO LIVE? OR IF HE DIDN'T, PERMITS AND BESTOWS MONSTROSITIES UPON MONSTROSITIES ON ME? FUCKS TO YOU, GOD.
This is MY blog and I'm fully entitled to voice MY opinions so you God-worshipping minors, read it, shake your little heads, and make no comment. Thank you.
One of my favourite songs, Cantonese, a duet, and the lyrics perfectly applicable. Hao Xin Hao Bao and I'll do direct translation, Good heart, Good returns
(M)
Giving my all for you, doesn't win me any points. You chose to walk by his side for all time. He doesn't love nor cherish you, the role I'll be most happy to fufill.
(F)
I've made up my mind to love him, so give me your blessings. You most understand I'll remain despite the agonizing pain. Fearless of the fathomless hurt that'll be inflicted, I'm willing to wait.
Watching you nearing the steep drop of the cliff (F: Will he be touched?)
He abandoned you, his only concern; himself (F: Did he run away?)
Loving him has become my habit, what can you do? On the cliff, I'm the one who can't beat a retreat.
Treating you good, nobody yearns or appreciates my goodness. I realise you're used to his treatment, I can see clearly that you've never loved me. Though I can't have you, I'll be by your side, wishing for the arrival of your bliss
(okay good may sound a lil weird, but direct translation remember! as long as it's coherent..)
He's weaker than you in all aspects, still I insist upon loving him. Head in my hands again I listen to his fabricated tales. Praying to hear his 'I love you', still waiting, perhaps it simply isn't time yet. Aware of your love, yet I acted the contrary, forgive me, I can't be the good person to you.
I'm willing to accept the torture of hearing bout your misery, you said you'd rather unhappiness than a break up.
I said all female leads'd also suffered the same.
Sinking deeper and deeper, you believe eventually he'll promise to change,
a complete change. (F: Maybe he can do it)
Like you, I chose to disregard the warnings, I'll rather sacrifice than turn back.
I know you see me as your confidate, but to me you're the reason of my existence
Both of us are hopelessly bewitched, out of our control. However perfect we are we'll never get what our hearts' yearning.
How do I do it? No one cherishes nor likes my goodness. Do I have to follow his toying methods?
I know you're the best from the start (M: Never good enough)
Why isn't he good? (M: I'm not good enough)
Turning back I still return to his embrace.
I still believe I'll have the good returns a good heart does, maybe one day, I'll truly understand.
I would attempt, but right now the brutal process I know will overwhelm and consume me into a deeper abyss of torment, already I am bleeding, within and without, incessantly.
I once proclaimed, and I'll scream it out loud once more most indignantly, most acrimoniously:
WHY SHOULD I BELIEVE IN A GOD WHO ORCHESTRATES A LIVING HELL FOR ME TO LIVE? OR IF HE DIDN'T, PERMITS AND BESTOWS MONSTROSITIES UPON MONSTROSITIES ON ME? FUCKS TO YOU, GOD.
This is MY blog and I'm fully entitled to voice MY opinions so you God-worshipping minors, read it, shake your little heads, and make no comment. Thank you.
One of my favourite songs, Cantonese, a duet, and the lyrics perfectly applicable. Hao Xin Hao Bao and I'll do direct translation, Good heart, Good returns
(M)
Giving my all for you, doesn't win me any points. You chose to walk by his side for all time. He doesn't love nor cherish you, the role I'll be most happy to fufill.
(F)
I've made up my mind to love him, so give me your blessings. You most understand I'll remain despite the agonizing pain. Fearless of the fathomless hurt that'll be inflicted, I'm willing to wait.
Watching you nearing the steep drop of the cliff (F: Will he be touched?)
He abandoned you, his only concern; himself (F: Did he run away?)
Loving him has become my habit, what can you do? On the cliff, I'm the one who can't beat a retreat.
Treating you good, nobody yearns or appreciates my goodness. I realise you're used to his treatment, I can see clearly that you've never loved me. Though I can't have you, I'll be by your side, wishing for the arrival of your bliss
(okay good may sound a lil weird, but direct translation remember! as long as it's coherent..)
He's weaker than you in all aspects, still I insist upon loving him. Head in my hands again I listen to his fabricated tales. Praying to hear his 'I love you', still waiting, perhaps it simply isn't time yet. Aware of your love, yet I acted the contrary, forgive me, I can't be the good person to you.
I'm willing to accept the torture of hearing bout your misery, you said you'd rather unhappiness than a break up.
I said all female leads'd also suffered the same.
Sinking deeper and deeper, you believe eventually he'll promise to change,
a complete change. (F: Maybe he can do it)
Like you, I chose to disregard the warnings, I'll rather sacrifice than turn back.
I know you see me as your confidate, but to me you're the reason of my existence
Both of us are hopelessly bewitched, out of our control. However perfect we are we'll never get what our hearts' yearning.
How do I do it? No one cherishes nor likes my goodness. Do I have to follow his toying methods?
I know you're the best from the start (M: Never good enough)
Why isn't he good? (M: I'm not good enough)
Turning back I still return to his embrace.
I still believe I'll have the good returns a good heart does, maybe one day, I'll truly understand.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
; untitled
There's something morbidly comforting about wallowing in the state of emo-ness, with back to back songs that will make you /slit blaring in the headphones.
I open my eyes I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light
I can't remember how I can't remember why
I'm lying here tonight
And I can't stand the pain, and I can't make it go away
No I can't stand the pain
How could this happen to me?
I made my mistakes, got nowhere to run,
the night goes on it's all faded away,
I'm sick of this life,
I just wanna scream, how could this happen to me?
Everybody's screaming I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I'm slipping off the edge I'm hanging by a thread,
I wanna start this over again
So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered,
then I can't explained what happened and I can't
erase the things that I've done, no I can't..
I open my eyes I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light
I can't remember how I can't remember why
I'm lying here tonight
And I can't stand the pain, and I can't make it go away
No I can't stand the pain
How could this happen to me?
I made my mistakes, got nowhere to run,
the night goes on it's all faded away,
I'm sick of this life,
I just wanna scream, how could this happen to me?
Everybody's screaming I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I'm slipping off the edge I'm hanging by a thread,
I wanna start this over again
So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered,
then I can't explained what happened and I can't
erase the things that I've done, no I can't..
; chirpings
I am in shock.
Yesterday I found out about Kiat. Today, Reineh.
What delightful presents after a long long while, for both of them. Just the right timing too, before the birthdays itself. Guess I can save $$$ this year.
Hello, goodbye.
Yesterday I found out about Kiat. Today, Reineh.
What delightful presents after a long long while, for both of them. Just the right timing too, before the birthdays itself. Guess I can save $$$ this year.
Hello, goodbye.
Monday, April 16, 2007
; liar liar
Girls will always be girls, that's why we're double X chromosomes, and guys enjoy only one X and an additional Y.
I used to wonder very much why Cassandra chose to stick with a compulsive double crosser of a boyfriend for 3 years, when she can easily do so much better with that sex of a face and body. How she could still yearn so hard, how she managed to forgive every wrong.
That's a girl's love for you.
Cos I'm part of this vicious circle too. Comparing is stupid, I know, but it's inevitable, no?
Why my cousin's boyfriend happily snaps shots of her to post up in Friendster, why James plan months ahead time and money consuming gifts of love for his girlfriend's birthday.
Why I seem to be the only one who takes constant profanities of abuse like how we have to breathe to live when to others view a single Cheebye as an outrage, why I can even forgive a betrayal that cuts me so deeply and further enhances my already over paranoid being when others would simply say fuck off, and good riddance. Why I'm the one crying buckets while you display anger at my speaking of your wrongs.
That's love for you.
It's not that I forget the drives all the way cross Singapore just to fill my tummy. Or foregoing sleep just to keep me company. It's just..
I don't know.
I used to wonder very much why Cassandra chose to stick with a compulsive double crosser of a boyfriend for 3 years, when she can easily do so much better with that sex of a face and body. How she could still yearn so hard, how she managed to forgive every wrong.
That's a girl's love for you.
Cos I'm part of this vicious circle too. Comparing is stupid, I know, but it's inevitable, no?
Why my cousin's boyfriend happily snaps shots of her to post up in Friendster, why James plan months ahead time and money consuming gifts of love for his girlfriend's birthday.
Why I seem to be the only one who takes constant profanities of abuse like how we have to breathe to live when to others view a single Cheebye as an outrage, why I can even forgive a betrayal that cuts me so deeply and further enhances my already over paranoid being when others would simply say fuck off, and good riddance. Why I'm the one crying buckets while you display anger at my speaking of your wrongs.
That's love for you.
It's not that I forget the drives all the way cross Singapore just to fill my tummy. Or foregoing sleep just to keep me company. It's just..
I don't know.
; i wanna fuck you
Last August I made a promise to myself but at the end of the day I barely made an effort to attempt the difficult task that led to Mission Accomplished.
Christmas passed. So did New Year's. Valentine's.
Now, it's too little, and too late.
I can't and I won't elaborate, so I'll leave it up to your creativity and imaginations.
And I won't type this again so I'll do it now,
Happy 19th Birthday, Reineh - 17th Apr
Happy 22nd Birthday, Kiat - 23rd Apr
Christmas passed. So did New Year's. Valentine's.
Now, it's too little, and too late.
I can't and I won't elaborate, so I'll leave it up to your creativity and imaginations.
And I won't type this again so I'll do it now,
Happy 19th Birthday, Reineh - 17th Apr
Happy 22nd Birthday, Kiat - 23rd Apr
Sunday, April 15, 2007
; seven years
I'm a lil weary doing nothing but being Mom&Dad's lil pampered brat. The allowance's down to a mere $450, but why do I need money anyway? Okay, one significant difference would be - being able to pay for WANTS myself instead of dragging them down to wherever it might be and making them pay instead. Which is what I do now.
I absolutely refuse to buy clothes until I lose weight. Know why? Cos the garments I use to own DON'T FIT ME ANYMORE COS I'M FAT. What will happen if I buy lotsa clothes during these fat days, only to have them non-wearable when I slim down? (I WILL! I WILL!) I will only buy tees I swear. And maybe a couple of bottoms.. and.. SEE! Cave in to a lil and you'll go all the way so NO! NO CLOTHES!
And a new tote or clutch would be nice, I suppose.. only you know I prefer to be frEeEe.. without such physical constraints.. (my cousin, Vic, Jose, Mich etc all carry bags anyway...)
What else huh. Oh I'd wanted so badly an Ipod Nano to replace my lost Mini but I don't see the point since I can get my ear's worth of mp3 from my phone anyway. Same goes for digital camera Dad's been wanting to get since I was 12 and it was selling at a couple of Ks but I'm not a very photo person anyway so.. no!
OH YES SHOES!! I CAN GET SHOES!! Hopefully my feet will remain a healthy 5.5 and not grow any bigger. NINEWEST HERE I COME!! I wish pretty birks exists. I spent uh.. less than 5 hours on heels the other day and I almost DIED. My poor poor feet
-back I just went to clip off the dead skin with nail clippers which I know is wrong but I'm too lazy to get the pumice stone so make do. The weird thing is, I hardly walk 1000 steps a day so I don't see any reason for callusess.. I guess they just appear? And my hands are terribly dry and harsh feeling.. I don't know why too. Think it's cos my STUPID MOTHER stored her detergent in this cute lil bottle which says LIQUID SOAP FOR HANDS and I always forgot it wasn't what it was.
I'm sleepy. Dad's finally outta the house so I'm gonna smoke a lil, yeah I still don't feel at ease smoking in his face, it's so rude yknow and I'm so insulted he accused me of 'taking' his cigs without permission which I didn't, and if he's gonna be so accusing and suspicious he shouldn't follow my lead and smoke LIGHTS. GO SMOKE YOUR LOUSY BRANDSSSS HMPH
I absolutely refuse to buy clothes until I lose weight. Know why? Cos the garments I use to own DON'T FIT ME ANYMORE COS I'M FAT. What will happen if I buy lotsa clothes during these fat days, only to have them non-wearable when I slim down? (I WILL! I WILL!) I will only buy tees I swear. And maybe a couple of bottoms.. and.. SEE! Cave in to a lil and you'll go all the way so NO! NO CLOTHES!
And a new tote or clutch would be nice, I suppose.. only you know I prefer to be frEeEe.. without such physical constraints.. (my cousin, Vic, Jose, Mich etc all carry bags anyway...)
What else huh. Oh I'd wanted so badly an Ipod Nano to replace my lost Mini but I don't see the point since I can get my ear's worth of mp3 from my phone anyway. Same goes for digital camera Dad's been wanting to get since I was 12 and it was selling at a couple of Ks but I'm not a very photo person anyway so.. no!
OH YES SHOES!! I CAN GET SHOES!! Hopefully my feet will remain a healthy 5.5 and not grow any bigger. NINEWEST HERE I COME!! I wish pretty birks exists. I spent uh.. less than 5 hours on heels the other day and I almost DIED. My poor poor feet
-back I just went to clip off the dead skin with nail clippers which I know is wrong but I'm too lazy to get the pumice stone so make do. The weird thing is, I hardly walk 1000 steps a day so I don't see any reason for callusess.. I guess they just appear? And my hands are terribly dry and harsh feeling.. I don't know why too. Think it's cos my STUPID MOTHER stored her detergent in this cute lil bottle which says LIQUID SOAP FOR HANDS and I always forgot it wasn't what it was.
I'm sleepy. Dad's finally outta the house so I'm gonna smoke a lil, yeah I still don't feel at ease smoking in his face, it's so rude yknow and I'm so insulted he accused me of 'taking' his cigs without permission which I didn't, and if he's gonna be so accusing and suspicious he shouldn't follow my lead and smoke LIGHTS. GO SMOKE YOUR LOUSY BRANDSSSS HMPH
Saturday, April 14, 2007
; invisible wings
I cannot conceive why loving someone to the point where you refuse to give up on the former, will equate to digging one's own grave, leading to exploitation of the soul so deeply, with not the slightest bit of remorse; such terrifying abuse.
; lose control
Ashlee Simpson looks 100% different with that spanking moulded nose by her surgeon, and the chin too! I wish I could go for a rhino too.. unless you're my boyfriend or my mother or Mich you wouldn't have the AGONY to have me point out the very obvious MISTAKE the Almighty made when he fixed my nosie.. IT TURNS UP INSTEAD OF DOWN. Sure, I have a small nose but upturned and the lack of a significant bridge.. =( Now Ashley gets to look like Kate Hudson (my all time fave female celebrity) and I get to look like.. me.
And at Cosafe eating sausages and fries and truffle cake with my cousin, her friend pointed out, SHIANNE, YOUR EYES ARE !@#$%^ TIMES BIGGER THAN HERS AND SHE IS ^%$#@! TIMES FAIRER THAN YOU. Another crack on my eyes, sure, like I'm not used to it already =( It's all my Mom's fault. I mean, why does her eye gene have to be so strong? If Dad's genes were a lil more.. prevalent.. I would have HUGE LOVELY EYES with THICK DOUBLE EYELIDS WITH CREASES IN IT! I've never seen more beautiful eyes than my Dad's, and his sister's. And all sparkly too.
I suppose you can see I'm very passionate about this.
Mom's birthday. Mei got her a cake, so I got the gift. I can't deny I'm a lil selfish. I spent half on my sunscreen, and the other half on her Guessie. So there goes another 200.
I should start working I think but I haven't worked in my entire life except for 2days with Vic two years ago for 130 bucks I can't really remember.
And celebrities should stop adopting children as and when they like, as if they're some little pet from a breeder or something. 'Madonna, falling in love with little Grace (some child) indeed'. What if you tire of her huh? I mean, yeah being adopted they'll be granted opportunities they might otherwise never get in their lifetime, but WHAT IF THEY GOT BORED OF THE POOR CHILD?! I mean.. Angelina Jolie's one thing. She's an AWESOME woman. But Madonna? *snorts. Okay maybe I'm just biased.
This post is a little crappy. Blame Mich for the websites.
And my brother's friends call me with the weirdest info/questions. Once they claimed they heard he was beaten up badly when HE WASN'T BEATEN AT ALL (probably the first in the history of the Boys' Home) and earlier Edwin called, asking what time he would be released on Home Leave tomorrow. -.- I didn't even know and they do? Haha!
And at Cosafe eating sausages and fries and truffle cake with my cousin, her friend pointed out, SHIANNE, YOUR EYES ARE !@#$%^ TIMES BIGGER THAN HERS AND SHE IS ^%$#@! TIMES FAIRER THAN YOU. Another crack on my eyes, sure, like I'm not used to it already =( It's all my Mom's fault. I mean, why does her eye gene have to be so strong? If Dad's genes were a lil more.. prevalent.. I would have HUGE LOVELY EYES with THICK DOUBLE EYELIDS WITH CREASES IN IT! I've never seen more beautiful eyes than my Dad's, and his sister's. And all sparkly too.
I suppose you can see I'm very passionate about this.
Mom's birthday. Mei got her a cake, so I got the gift. I can't deny I'm a lil selfish. I spent half on my sunscreen, and the other half on her Guessie. So there goes another 200.
I should start working I think but I haven't worked in my entire life except for 2days with Vic two years ago for 130 bucks I can't really remember.
And celebrities should stop adopting children as and when they like, as if they're some little pet from a breeder or something. 'Madonna, falling in love with little Grace (some child) indeed'. What if you tire of her huh? I mean, yeah being adopted they'll be granted opportunities they might otherwise never get in their lifetime, but WHAT IF THEY GOT BORED OF THE POOR CHILD?! I mean.. Angelina Jolie's one thing. She's an AWESOME woman. But Madonna? *snorts. Okay maybe I'm just biased.
This post is a little crappy. Blame Mich for the websites.
And my brother's friends call me with the weirdest info/questions. Once they claimed they heard he was beaten up badly when HE WASN'T BEATEN AT ALL (probably the first in the history of the Boys' Home) and earlier Edwin called, asking what time he would be released on Home Leave tomorrow. -.- I didn't even know and they do? Haha!
Friday, April 13, 2007
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
; ed edd eddie
Had tons to blog about, til I chanced into an old girlfriend's blog.. and POOF! You know the rest.
Sigh.. but oh wells.
How can Lindsay Lohan be made MiuMiu's new face? The horror. She can't sing, her acting's terrible (name me a decent movie she's acted in, not a teen flick) and she isn't pretty. Maggie Gyllenhaal isn't classically beautiful, but she does have that quirkiness that appeals. And somehow, she is MiuMiu. Lindsay doesn't even vaguely resemble herself!
I have to diet so badly but I'm having food cravings everyday. Frog porridge, steak, japanese cuisine, sizzler..
Sigh.. but oh wells.
How can Lindsay Lohan be made MiuMiu's new face? The horror. She can't sing, her acting's terrible (name me a decent movie she's acted in, not a teen flick) and she isn't pretty. Maggie Gyllenhaal isn't classically beautiful, but she does have that quirkiness that appeals. And somehow, she is MiuMiu. Lindsay doesn't even vaguely resemble herself!
I have to diet so badly but I'm having food cravings everyday. Frog porridge, steak, japanese cuisine, sizzler..
Saturday, April 07, 2007
; i'll be better when i grow older
Jealousy will gnaw relentlessly to the very core of your heart, never stopping till it's hollow.
Envy kills. Remember that.
you said hello, inside i'm screaming i love you,
you say goodnight, in my mind i'm sleeping next to you.
Envy kills. Remember that.
you said hello, inside i'm screaming i love you,
you say goodnight, in my mind i'm sleeping next to you.
Thursday, April 05, 2007
; GO GO CHELSEA!
Sometimes, it takes nothing more than a few matter of fact statements to jolt someone (in this case, me) to my senses.
Maybe it didn't help me gain enlightment, but it is sticking around in my mind (somewhat)
Okay this is a serious post but my boyfriend is annoying me with his 'HAHA CHELSEA IS PLAYING BADLY' one minute into the game and his very irritatingly resounding medley of 'GOAL GOAL' - ode to Valencia.
'Life is great for me. I've never been more happy and satisfied than now. What about you? Still emoing around?'
Lol. When even an acquaintance knows all you pretty much do is emo around..
"Hmm, I think there's no secret to happiness. It all boils down to contentment and cherishing whatever that we have now. Life is short, so why not live your days as happy as possible instead of dwelling on the bitter issues?"
Contentment and cherishing what we have..
Yeah but if we go about this theory, living days happy, then why do we bother working/studying at all? Why don't we bum around living in an extended state of idyllic-ness, then die when you run out of money?
Make sense huh.
Maybe it didn't help me gain enlightment, but it is sticking around in my mind (somewhat)
Okay this is a serious post but my boyfriend is annoying me with his 'HAHA CHELSEA IS PLAYING BADLY' one minute into the game and his very irritatingly resounding medley of 'GOAL GOAL' - ode to Valencia.
'Life is great for me. I've never been more happy and satisfied than now. What about you? Still emoing around?'
Lol. When even an acquaintance knows all you pretty much do is emo around..
"Hmm, I think there's no secret to happiness. It all boils down to contentment and cherishing whatever that we have now. Life is short, so why not live your days as happy as possible instead of dwelling on the bitter issues?"
Contentment and cherishing what we have..
Yeah but if we go about this theory, living days happy, then why do we bother working/studying at all? Why don't we bum around living in an extended state of idyllic-ness, then die when you run out of money?
Make sense huh.
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
; both fools
Been blogging more than usual these days, no?
What else can a girl do when you're staying over at the boyfriend's and he either a) sleeps b) uses the computer c) watches tv, most conveniently forgetting your existence? -.-
As most of you should know, since the demise of the ultimate skin-killer - makeup in my life, the skin has considerably cleared up. But still.. not good enough! I want it like before :( Must have porcelain-clear skin before wrinkles start erupting!
So..
Doctor - 195
Shiseido products - 121
AnnaSui loose power - 64
$380 gone! I'm gonna try to claim as much as I can from the parents. And I swore I wouldn't take cabs anymore but.. I couldn't help it.. the sun.. the waiting..
Took a cab to Gleneagles, that's 10. Took a cab to town, 4. Over to Cathay to see the boyfriend at work. Cab home - 19. Bf sponsered 10. $23.. okay that's not so bad really, but it IS if you just spent 380 bucks on a single organ alone!
Speaking of that cab that driver makes me fume. Yknow he was talking to me all so nicely on the cab, bout the peak hour raises, erp and later, his daughters and stuff. When I realised I didn't have enough money on me, I told him POLITELY that I'll head up and get some cash to pay him and from that moment on, he got kinda frosty and less talkative. The fare was say 16. I passed him 10 and I left all the bags in the car to assure my return. When I got back down, THE FUCKING METER WAS STILL RUNNING WHILE HE WAS SMOKING A CIG. I've done this a couple of times and the uncles always stopped the meter. This money leecher.. Grrr. If you wanna continue then HAVE THE FUCKING COURTESY TO ACT AS MY GUARD DOG and look after my packages. I'm not paying you to smoke.
Bloody misers.
<3KIM JEONG HOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
What else can a girl do when you're staying over at the boyfriend's and he either a) sleeps b) uses the computer c) watches tv, most conveniently forgetting your existence? -.-
As most of you should know, since the demise of the ultimate skin-killer - makeup in my life, the skin has considerably cleared up. But still.. not good enough! I want it like before :( Must have porcelain-clear skin before wrinkles start erupting!
So..
Doctor - 195
Shiseido products - 121
AnnaSui loose power - 64
$380 gone! I'm gonna try to claim as much as I can from the parents. And I swore I wouldn't take cabs anymore but.. I couldn't help it.. the sun.. the waiting..
Took a cab to Gleneagles, that's 10. Took a cab to town, 4. Over to Cathay to see the boyfriend at work. Cab home - 19. Bf sponsered 10. $23.. okay that's not so bad really, but it IS if you just spent 380 bucks on a single organ alone!
Speaking of that cab that driver makes me fume. Yknow he was talking to me all so nicely on the cab, bout the peak hour raises, erp and later, his daughters and stuff. When I realised I didn't have enough money on me, I told him POLITELY that I'll head up and get some cash to pay him and from that moment on, he got kinda frosty and less talkative. The fare was say 16. I passed him 10 and I left all the bags in the car to assure my return. When I got back down, THE FUCKING METER WAS STILL RUNNING WHILE HE WAS SMOKING A CIG. I've done this a couple of times and the uncles always stopped the meter. This money leecher.. Grrr. If you wanna continue then HAVE THE FUCKING COURTESY TO ACT AS MY GUARD DOG and look after my packages. I'm not paying you to smoke.
Bloody misers.
<3KIM JEONG HOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
; the ninth night
Hearing me whine on my blog about missing the People (townies) and the St Francis crew as well as the old schoolmates (I went to 3 high schools!) are pretty usual and often, is it not?
Well.. I never thought I'll ever say this, since I've almost never felt this way since I swore out, and vowed to keep my body clean from nasty narcotics that killed so many of my braincells. Nope, not even during the half a year I spent at with the Entertainment people alongside my brother, or the respective couple of months I hung with the PHT175 (Daniel) or PHT BL (Kiat) brought back such nostalgia of the.. I still can't bring myself to say this..
AhLien Days.
Lol. Most of us have moved on since, 14 - 18 year kids back in 2003. Learning to smoke. Beginning to drink. Moving on to drugs. Clubs - (chiong, to be exact) Sparks, Club III, Club IV, Rush, Angel.. and more I suddenly can't remember. Fights. Bikes. Techno (AhYi calls them 'Eurodance') Tattoos. And the saddest - pregnancies and many abortions (not me, fortunately) It's not the things you miss, it's the people. Cos they are good people, some of them anyway.
And this funny thing I noticed. These days, you get the Townies, AhLiens, Clubbers and the.. rest wearing Topshop, Zara, Forever 21 and similar labels. And you hardly see any mature Liens with brightly coloured hair. So.. how do you tell them apart? No, really?
Well.. I never thought I'll ever say this, since I've almost never felt this way since I swore out, and vowed to keep my body clean from nasty narcotics that killed so many of my braincells. Nope, not even during the half a year I spent at with the Entertainment people alongside my brother, or the respective couple of months I hung with the PHT175 (Daniel) or PHT BL (Kiat) brought back such nostalgia of the.. I still can't bring myself to say this..
AhLien Days.
Lol. Most of us have moved on since, 14 - 18 year kids back in 2003. Learning to smoke. Beginning to drink. Moving on to drugs. Clubs - (chiong, to be exact) Sparks, Club III, Club IV, Rush, Angel.. and more I suddenly can't remember. Fights. Bikes. Techno (AhYi calls them 'Eurodance') Tattoos. And the saddest - pregnancies and many abortions (not me, fortunately) It's not the things you miss, it's the people. Cos they are good people, some of them anyway.
And this funny thing I noticed. These days, you get the Townies, AhLiens, Clubbers and the.. rest wearing Topshop, Zara, Forever 21 and similar labels. And you hardly see any mature Liens with brightly coloured hair. So.. how do you tell them apart? No, really?
Monday, April 02, 2007
; i will
Are promises that difficult to fufill? If they are, why do people bother making them in the first place? Wouldn't everything be better, easier if there were never any promises, therefore not a chance to break them?
My brother's girl wrote to him. I'm unsure of the details, but apparently she got together with one of his best buddies for awhile, and then they parted. Whatever happened to her numerous letters of love, and vows to await his release, to continue their love story? And now, what good are her thousands of apologies? Yeah, you cry when you tell him you love him and you'll wait for him, and you cry when you tell him I'm sorry, I got together with another guy and I won't do it again. This digusting abuse of sacred tears have rendered them meaningless, and ineffective.
Yes, I cry at the slightest bit too. But at least I don't.. grrr talking about this makes me livid. BOILING.
Don't say it's hard, and it's difficult and painful, cos I KNOW FIRST HAND, BITCH. And our cases differed in that I waited for my loved foolishly, knowing I WILL NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN unless I fly to Taiwan cos he has a permanent ban in Singapore.
What about you? He'll be out on HomeLeave in a couple of weeks. He'll be eligible for school and Weekend Leave in two months. For fuck's sake he's right in Jurong, NEAR YOU, though you can't see him.
Hearts might sway, but if you have a heart you would have kept him in it and not stray so easily, and with his BEST BUDDY too. What are people coming to, these days. I don't even wanna talk about the best buddy part. I might just wreck my keyboard typing so furiously.
And I can't help but wonder why friends tend to 'share' girls. Okay, there's this girl, let's call her J. She was with BB at first, and after that, XH, and now, XB. And this girl, LY, was with XH (yeah the same XH), then with XX. Guess what, the guys all hang out on a daily basis and call each other brothers.
Sick I tell you.
My brother's girl wrote to him. I'm unsure of the details, but apparently she got together with one of his best buddies for awhile, and then they parted. Whatever happened to her numerous letters of love, and vows to await his release, to continue their love story? And now, what good are her thousands of apologies? Yeah, you cry when you tell him you love him and you'll wait for him, and you cry when you tell him I'm sorry, I got together with another guy and I won't do it again. This digusting abuse of sacred tears have rendered them meaningless, and ineffective.
Yes, I cry at the slightest bit too. But at least I don't.. grrr talking about this makes me livid. BOILING.
Don't say it's hard, and it's difficult and painful, cos I KNOW FIRST HAND, BITCH. And our cases differed in that I waited for my loved foolishly, knowing I WILL NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN unless I fly to Taiwan cos he has a permanent ban in Singapore.
What about you? He'll be out on HomeLeave in a couple of weeks. He'll be eligible for school and Weekend Leave in two months. For fuck's sake he's right in Jurong, NEAR YOU, though you can't see him.
Hearts might sway, but if you have a heart you would have kept him in it and not stray so easily, and with his BEST BUDDY too. What are people coming to, these days. I don't even wanna talk about the best buddy part. I might just wreck my keyboard typing so furiously.
And I can't help but wonder why friends tend to 'share' girls. Okay, there's this girl, let's call her J. She was with BB at first, and after that, XH, and now, XB. And this girl, LY, was with XH (yeah the same XH), then with XX. Guess what, the guys all hang out on a daily basis and call each other brothers.
Sick I tell you.
Sunday, April 01, 2007
; karma
I'm SO bored and I know I'm so much better off going to bed cos it's almost 5 and I needa get up at like, 8 in the morning to fufil the bi-weekly visit to the Singapore Boys' Home. But though I'm a lil sleepy I don't feel like sleeping yet.
So I'm just gonna sulk by my computer. It's getting to be a routine anyway.
My winamp playlist is annoying me. With Limewire down I have like, a mere 800+ songs, with 200 chinese, and about a 100 canto korean japanese indo thai and i can't for the life of me remember the rest. Not that it makes a difference.. they're all supremely irking the hell outta me. Thank god for Youtube.
God, the dog was yelping away again. Nightmares. In case you're wondering what she sounds like, it's a cross between a high pitched dying shriek and an instant alarm clock. Yknow, to prepare yourself for children you can simply get a couple of puppies and try to manage them. The boyfriend's puppy (I'm not fond of Shih Tzus with their short little snouts but it's cute cos it's a puppy with stubs as legs) is pure terror. It SHITS all over it's residence, which for your information is RIGHT OUTSIDE my boyfriend and his sisters' rooms in the basement. To make matters worst it's watery ones with a horrifying stench. Faint-able. I love dogs in general but.. I don't remember my dog being such trouble 4 years ago.
Why am I talking about dogs. Let's sing some korean songs. Yeah from the PrincessHours OST. I officially proclaim myself a GOONG-IE. I'm gonna translate it meself okay.
.. Okay forget it. The korean lyrics and the chinese lyrics in the show don't fit. -.-
I'm still bored. The cigarettes are boring me too.
Lalalalalalalalalalalallalalalalalalalalalal
So I'm just gonna sulk by my computer. It's getting to be a routine anyway.
My winamp playlist is annoying me. With Limewire down I have like, a mere 800+ songs, with 200 chinese, and about a 100 canto korean japanese indo thai and i can't for the life of me remember the rest. Not that it makes a difference.. they're all supremely irking the hell outta me. Thank god for Youtube.
God, the dog was yelping away again. Nightmares. In case you're wondering what she sounds like, it's a cross between a high pitched dying shriek and an instant alarm clock. Yknow, to prepare yourself for children you can simply get a couple of puppies and try to manage them. The boyfriend's puppy (I'm not fond of Shih Tzus with their short little snouts but it's cute cos it's a puppy with stubs as legs) is pure terror. It SHITS all over it's residence, which for your information is RIGHT OUTSIDE my boyfriend and his sisters' rooms in the basement. To make matters worst it's watery ones with a horrifying stench. Faint-able. I love dogs in general but.. I don't remember my dog being such trouble 4 years ago.
Why am I talking about dogs. Let's sing some korean songs. Yeah from the PrincessHours OST. I officially proclaim myself a GOONG-IE. I'm gonna translate it meself okay.
.. Okay forget it. The korean lyrics and the chinese lyrics in the show don't fit. -.-
I'm still bored. The cigarettes are boring me too.
Lalalalalalalalalalalallalalalalalalalalalal
; waiting
Got this from Jols blog. Was a good read, after quite awhile. Never been close, but for some reason I've always felt that given the chance, we could. Sometimes she says the exact thing I'm feeling, and she's one of those rare individuals that I feel is.. real. I don't know how to put it, just.. real. (:
10 cranky things
10 things I always wanted to say to 10 different people but never could.10 cranky things
o1. sometimes i wonder why you abuse me the way you do. i know i'm difficult but it all boils down to the fact that i love you and life has moulded me to the person i now am, and i wish you could accept it and try to make it all better.
o2. whatever did i do to make you go from loving to hating me, the way you do after almost a year?
o3. occasionally you drive me to an extreme state of piqued-ness. sometimes i wanna tell you that you're the stupidest person in the world for disregarding my advice and getting hurt. other times i feel sorry, and simply try to be there to catch you when you fall.
o4. i miss you and i wish i was more important to you. maybe i'm bad for you, my emoness and my crazy smoking habits. but thank you nontheless, for sticking around, sometimes.
o5. people don't hate you for no reason. you think too much of yourself. look back, reflect, and think of the reason why people do.
o6. it's terrible that we once called each other best friend and now you call me only when you need my help.
o7. when will you learn? last year you made your mistake with me, and now you're breaking her heart all over again. 3years is a long time, but i wonder why she loves you the way she does. i really do.
o8. it's been four years since we knew each other. given another chance, if i played my cards right, would i be happier now, will i be good enough?
o9. what do you get outta a loveless fuck? no seriously, i wanna know.
10. i'm in so much constant pain, will you be the one to save me?
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