; bu gong ping

For as long as I can remember, I've always been a sucker for sappy Chinese, Cantonese or even Hokkien songs. Which naturally made me the butt of countless good natured jokes among the AngmohPais, which make up the majority of my friends.

I used to view my fondness for them as a weakness that will only be exploited. Might be the victim of malicious teasing, thought I. Then one day I woke up and thought, Hell, I can love Metallica, Nickelback, and Jay Chou all at the same time, can't I? That was a pivotal (in a certain way) moment of my life, short though it has been, so far anyway.

I can actually speak fluent albeit simplistic Mandarin, and my dialects are passable. Quite a number of people are unaware of that fact.

This is going to be pretty random. I'm currently in the midst of freezing into a human icicle in my boyfriend's room.

Did I mention I like techno? Only I prefer to term them Eurodance. Which reminds me of AhYi's IRC Channel, back in those good ol' days. #Dancing.with.Eurodance.at.Night or something along those lines. HAHAHA, those were the days, I kid you not.

These days, I wish I'm a kid again. I was rushing all my life to grow up, for reasons I now cannot fathom. If only I took my time, smelled the flowers, really savor the world the way only youth and naivete knew how..

I recall quite clearly a scene in the art room, 2nd year of Secondary, Xinmin. For once I was concentrating hard on my art piece rather than doing What's That Called.. something along the lines of Jumping Jacks for not handing up the previous week's assignment, well whatever. My teacher then, Ms Yvonne Ong (also sister of radio personality Daniel Ong, they look alike and speak alike but I digressed) touched my hair, and said not unkindly, but wistfully 'You shouldn't have rebonded it. You're only 14. Leave it as it is, it'll be fluffy not doubt but you've got plenty of time when you're older to do whatever you like to it.'

I wish I didn't pierce multiple earholes when I was 11. I wish I didn't pierce my nose when I was 13. I wish I didn't begin rebonding my hair when I was 13. I wish I didn't apply makeup when I was 13. I wish I never had to go through the agony of my best friend moving to the States when I was 13. I wish I didn't discover contacts when I was 14. I wish I didn't learn clubbing and smoking when I was 14. I wish I didn't skip school when I was 14. I wish I was never almost raped when I was 14. I wish I never cut myself when I was 14. I wish I never committed suicide when I was 14. I wish I never yelled at the Bitch of a Principal at Huayi and got myself expelled when I was 15.

I don't want to remember anything else anymore.

What the average reader's probably unable to grasp is that, all the above are typical in current-day Singapore. Eg. Self mutilation was practically unheard of. But a few years ago, it simply wasn't so.

I was the epitome of a girl who grew up too fast, and in my personality still bears the unseen stigma, like a scarlet letter on my breast, always close to heart.