Yesterday was my brother's 16th birthday. I don't think boys bother much bout sweet sixteens, no? Still, it's sad to be stuck with people you don't like very much and living the monotonous life you've been living for the past seven months on a special day.
If I could, I wish I could re-live my life. It could've been wonderful. Maybe it still can be. Only now, I'm unable to see the faintest glimpse of hope. Why are you evading me? Won't you stretch out your hand and share a tinge of your warmth to comfort this cold being I've become?
Can you truly forgive someone for infidelity? Can you truly be happy with that someone, or will happiness only come when you leave? Oh the irony. Of being sad to death both with one, or without.
I feel like I'm writing total crap. But it's the only way I'm keeping myself sane, with my fingers flying on the keyboard, typing whatever comes to mind.
Sometimes I can be a hypocrite. I have a love-hate relationship with my cousin. Sometimes she pissed the hell outta me. Other times I see her so tenderly, as if my own sibling. Which she almost is, the same blood flows in our veins.
Blood is always thicker than water. When I discovered the reason for my handphone's disappearance was cos my brother stole it to sell, I wasn't angry. I was.. cheng xim. It's a hokkien term for.. heart cold? Like. Cynical, only worst. Like, the person I loved best can do shit to me. Like, why couldn't he have sold his own phone if he needed the money? The selfishness made my heart turn cold. Really. But you can find it in your heart to forgive, simply because, he's my brother.
And that bastard. I wanna hurt him so bad for all the shit he's put me through. I wanna break him. Yes, even schemed to get him in serious shit. From physical to social ruin, and even trouble with the law. You'll be surprised at how vicious and vengeful I can get. But at the end of the day I wonder, what for? Yeah, it will satisfy the monster within, but would I be happy? Wait. Yeah maybe. Just imagining that cocky bastard being put down feels me with glee. You think you're all that don't you? One more hint of trouble and you won't think so when you're lying headfirst in the dirt, I swear.
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