I so miss ktv sessions. Anyone up for one? Anyone at all?
One where we can really sing, not just gossip and waste money? Hehehe. My ktv system at home is so outdated, no new songs. Gotta figure out how Kbox does it (we share the same system).
Rented Rocky Balboa the other day. Most inspiring movie ever, though it was a little draggy but I suppose it adds to the emotional quotient of the film. Almost four popcorns I would give it.
Sometimes I think I have the most wonderful boyfriend ever. Other times I feel like chasing then stabbing him with a parang.
I've been given to making really nasty remarks lately, of people I deem have done me wrong. Things I don't usually say, like 'Wish that fat beef will just die under the blazing sun la' and 'Fuck that bitch I hope her husband divorces her'. Lol. Don't know what's wrong with me these days.
ta zhuo le ta jue de dui de xuan ze
wo zhi neng zhu fu ta zhen de dui le
ai bu liao wo zui xiang yao ai de ren
shui hai neng yao wo zhen yang ne?
wo ai de ren bu shi wo de ai ren
ta xin li mei yi chun dou shu yu ling yi ge ren
ta zhen xin fu
xin fu de zhen can ren
rang wo you ai you hen ta de ai zhe me na me shen
wo ai de ren ta yi you le ai ren
cong ta men de yan shen shuo ming le wo bu ke neng
mei dang ting jian ta huo ta shuo wo men
jiu xiang ting jian ai qing yong hen de chao xiao shen
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Thursday, June 14, 2007
; still friends
Has it been awhile? The regulars have been.. well, regular I see. :D Thanks for the love!
Sometimes things happen, and you HAVE to gasp and wonder, geesh what is the world coming to?! despite the fact that you're in your mere teens and haven't really hung round the world much yet. Okay, you're not here to listen to me beat around the bush, but to know the deal that'spolluting shittifying Singapore, no? Welcome to my world.
I've been accused (guess who? *rolls eyes) of leeching on my boyfriend! Seriously. Oh side note, I'm not deigning to address the issue, why should I, to the leech himself? but it's more of Hello readers wanna hear a laugh? post.
Well, if it's anyone else I would explain, I don't like to appear as the one paying money, so at the start of the week I would deposit 50 or an appropriate amount to the boyfriend so he can pay the bills (movies/food etc). So much for a feminist world eh, but I'm old fashioned like that.
And I'm going HEHE when I announce that these days, the boyfriend has been very generous, paying for food (most of the time his mom's money (lunch allowance sorta thing) which is extremely nice of her, but I hardly consider that leeching, would you when a girl eats over at a guy's place? cos funny, I don't hear my parents saying a thing when we had a family dinner inclusive of the boyfriend at 600bucks) but I suppose if other people and their families are too much of misers.. you can hardly blame them.
Like the bf said, he's more or less paying for the bread like the 'man of the family' and he expects me to do little chores, eg running up to get a glass of rootbeer for him, packing the room, and helping his mom out whenever I can, which I do, bring the clothes in and stuff which Bernice doesn't do. Not that I'm complaining, it's brilliant training for me when I'm abroad/a wife and I'm more than glad to help out when the family has been so kind to me.
The thing is, the one who has the audacity to make such a statement. God, the bastard fucking lives off girls! Note, male living off female which doesn't make sense unless a) pimp b) fucker c) homo.. along those lines anyway. For fuck's sake, when you don't require 3 months to pay up a debt of 100bucks (omg a 100 is what, dinner for two at billy bombers? -_-) (claiming along the way, family problem, no money) and when you learn to display decency to ones who were kind enough to lend you cash in your times of need only to have you refusing to reply/return it shamelessly, well you can talk then.
And another laugh. 'Eh why don't you settle your issue so the guys can talk bout other, more interesting issues like couples having a massive narcotics orgy or something similar instead of harping on yours all the time?'
WHATTHEFUCK. Now people blame the one being gossiped about for what? being gossiped about cos despite the fact that more intriguing issues are at hand, we're still hot topic of the month? Really. Now put your hands on your head and scream 'WHAT'S THE WORLD COMING TO?'
Wait. I forgot. I guess that's the 'Bastards-R-US' for you.
Sometimes things happen, and you HAVE to gasp and wonder, geesh what is the world coming to?! despite the fact that you're in your mere teens and haven't really hung round the world much yet. Okay, you're not here to listen to me beat around the bush, but to know the deal that's
I've been accused (guess who? *rolls eyes) of leeching on my boyfriend! Seriously. Oh side note, I'm not deigning to address the issue, why should I, to the leech himself? but it's more of Hello readers wanna hear a laugh? post.
Well, if it's anyone else I would explain, I don't like to appear as the one paying money, so at the start of the week I would deposit 50 or an appropriate amount to the boyfriend so he can pay the bills (movies/food etc). So much for a feminist world eh, but I'm old fashioned like that.
And I'm going HEHE when I announce that these days, the boyfriend has been very generous, paying for food (most of the time his mom's money (lunch allowance sorta thing) which is extremely nice of her, but I hardly consider that leeching, would you when a girl eats over at a guy's place? cos funny, I don't hear my parents saying a thing when we had a family dinner inclusive of the boyfriend at 600bucks) but I suppose if other people and their families are too much of misers.. you can hardly blame them.
Like the bf said, he's more or less paying for the bread like the 'man of the family' and he expects me to do little chores, eg running up to get a glass of rootbeer for him, packing the room, and helping his mom out whenever I can, which I do, bring the clothes in and stuff which Bernice doesn't do. Not that I'm complaining, it's brilliant training for me when I'm abroad/a wife and I'm more than glad to help out when the family has been so kind to me.
The thing is, the one who has the audacity to make such a statement. God, the bastard fucking lives off girls! Note, male living off female which doesn't make sense unless a) pimp b) fucker c) homo.. along those lines anyway. For fuck's sake, when you don't require 3 months to pay up a debt of 100bucks (omg a 100 is what, dinner for two at billy bombers? -_-) (claiming along the way, family problem, no money) and when you learn to display decency to ones who were kind enough to lend you cash in your times of need only to have you refusing to reply/return it shamelessly, well you can talk then.
And another laugh. 'Eh why don't you settle your issue so the guys can talk bout other, more interesting issues like couples having a massive narcotics orgy or something similar instead of harping on yours all the time?'
WHATTHEFUCK. Now people blame the one being gossiped about for what? being gossiped about cos despite the fact that more intriguing issues are at hand, we're still hot topic of the month? Really. Now put your hands on your head and scream 'WHAT'S THE WORLD COMING TO?'
Wait. I forgot. I guess that's the 'Bastards-R-US' for you.
Sunday, June 10, 2007
; invisible man
Sometimes I'm really clueless to feelings of others, and that makes me feel really, really bad. Like when Keith said 'nah just surprised by the conversation cos these days you act like you can't be bothered or you're too good or something' and Sel was like 'just thought you'll have something to ask cos it's not like you to talk to me'.
=( This from two former close/good friends! I seriously had no idea. But I'm pretty damn sure they're not the only two.
Sorry for alienating all you guys, you know I love you ^^ If you don't then I'm telling you now!
Oh and the reason for this post is cos I wanna share this joke.
Cos in the Home, the racial bigotry is suffocating, and that's saying something considering the fact that my brother having lived in Jurong (I think they populate half of the west) for the past 3 years have tons of bosom Malay buddies.
But after hearing the horror tales from the Home, can you blame the Chinese and Indians (ALLIANCED) ? Back in 04 and 05 70% of the occupants were Malays. So they controlled the Home politics. (You won't miss politics anywhere honey) New boys usually have it bad. It's a tradition, to keep them in check. Seniority speaks volumes in there. Seniority in terms of 'how long you've been there'. You don't mess with old boys. But new chinese/indian boys who've done nothing except be deemed to have a fucked up face by the Malays suffer hell.
Eat shit or else get your teeth smashed. Four gone. Wanna eat. No? Lets see how many teeth you have left then. Face smashed onto grills. Hands stomped on by bed poles. Be a dog and keep watch for nothing, NOTHING!, make sure you respond when I shout hey or you're dead tomorrow. Be a punching bag.
And when I mildly suggested 'why not tell the sir?' the brother was OUTRAGED. 'What, be a snitch? No way anyone will let down their own skin.'
Yeah, it's all skin and clothes there. Skin you know what I mean, clothes refer to gang. Ever heard of the term 'Eh I wanna hang shirt already?' Get it now?
I was against my bro calling Malays dogs and all but I don't know, I've to fight to suppress the ill feeling I now harbor against them myself. Not that I'm racist, but how can you help it? Eh if any of you wanna be funny and call police say I making racist comments all, I'm not okay, I'm telling it as it is. Just hope the sirs won't be so blind and keep a closer eye on the boys these days.
So anyway. The joke I promised.
You know how people smuggle stuff into the boys' home? The typical hiding in underwear and shoes and nonsense? HAHA that's old school man. The latest trend? SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS. No kidding. The Malays wrap up the fags in a thin sheet of paper or something (I think anghoon la, thinner can shove more) and shove them up their asses! Not one. Maybe 3 or 4! Then they shit it out and out it comes. Mother fucking hell seriously. Damn ingenious, damn sick.
=( This from two former close/good friends! I seriously had no idea. But I'm pretty damn sure they're not the only two.
Sorry for alienating all you guys, you know I love you ^^ If you don't then I'm telling you now!
Oh and the reason for this post is cos I wanna share this joke.
Cos in the Home, the racial bigotry is suffocating, and that's saying something considering the fact that my brother having lived in Jurong (I think they populate half of the west) for the past 3 years have tons of bosom Malay buddies.
But after hearing the horror tales from the Home, can you blame the Chinese and Indians (ALLIANCED) ? Back in 04 and 05 70% of the occupants were Malays. So they controlled the Home politics. (You won't miss politics anywhere honey) New boys usually have it bad. It's a tradition, to keep them in check. Seniority speaks volumes in there. Seniority in terms of 'how long you've been there'. You don't mess with old boys. But new chinese/indian boys who've done nothing except be deemed to have a fucked up face by the Malays suffer hell.
Eat shit or else get your teeth smashed. Four gone. Wanna eat. No? Lets see how many teeth you have left then. Face smashed onto grills. Hands stomped on by bed poles. Be a dog and keep watch for nothing, NOTHING!, make sure you respond when I shout hey or you're dead tomorrow. Be a punching bag.
And when I mildly suggested 'why not tell the sir?' the brother was OUTRAGED. 'What, be a snitch? No way anyone will let down their own skin.'
Yeah, it's all skin and clothes there. Skin you know what I mean, clothes refer to gang. Ever heard of the term 'Eh I wanna hang shirt already?' Get it now?
I was against my bro calling Malays dogs and all but I don't know, I've to fight to suppress the ill feeling I now harbor against them myself. Not that I'm racist, but how can you help it? Eh if any of you wanna be funny and call police say I making racist comments all, I'm not okay, I'm telling it as it is. Just hope the sirs won't be so blind and keep a closer eye on the boys these days.
So anyway. The joke I promised.
You know how people smuggle stuff into the boys' home? The typical hiding in underwear and shoes and nonsense? HAHA that's old school man. The latest trend? SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS. No kidding. The Malays wrap up the fags in a thin sheet of paper or something (I think anghoon la, thinner can shove more) and shove them up their asses! Not one. Maybe 3 or 4! Then they shit it out and out it comes. Mother fucking hell seriously. Damn ingenious, damn sick.
; yue liang dai biao wo de xin
Don't ask me why I'm listening to Teresa Tang. Lol. Winamp's on shuffle and I'm too lazy to switch it or maybe I figured I need a little old school peace.
Being sick is a major major bitch I tell you. Sore throats are the killer. Imagine feeling like fuck and you can't even light up cos your throat's too tender to tarek. Now I'm enjoying my first real fag out session after days of simply puffing without inhaling.
And flu is another pain in the ass. So damn tired and you HAVE to sit up to blow your nose otherwise the mucus's gonna drip everywhere. Not to mention the area below my nose and above my mouth is so sore it feels like it's gonna tear any moment due to all the friction from the tissue blowing.
And the lethargic-ness and body aches. Aaah I hate life. Why couldn't the sick issues wait till the boyfriend's birthday is over? I haven't gotten him ANYTHING cos a) I'm too tired to go out and b) I'm too tired to bug my mom for my mother and wham bam his birthday is tomorrow. God.
The brother's first time leave (something like home leave, only you come out for only 9 hours, sorta testing you to see whether you'll abscond) was today, thank god I returned the Home's missed call last night or I'll be embarking on a major guilt trip to nowhere if he missed the leave cos I didn't pick up the call.
Was good finally having a chance to talk without parental surveillance. Those who know my dad knows la. But having to wake up at 9 in the morning after sleeping at 5 or 6 is taking a severe toll on my health. I think taking a good long bath will help but I'm too tired to drag my ass to the bathroom to do anything more than pee.
Oh and my whole body feels like it's gonna rip apart. Everywhere feels sore and tender. You know like those major tight dry skin. Not exaggerating, everywhere's damn red and all.
Then my brother had to make my Mom cry and my Dad really upset cos he insisted on meeting his friends. Which I don't know whether is bad or justified but it's his life I supposed. After 7 months he should be able to do what he wants. And his fellow Home inmates snuck tons of numbers and messages requesting him to call and pass them on. He hid them in his shoe, if discovered the consequences would be hell, CS (cold something) which is like.. solitary confinement in a cold room.
Damn cute la. Quite alot of messages to girlfriends. Which he made me call and pass on since he's too shy? to do so. But kinda sad case. Some were like yeah I'll wait for him. Another was like I'll write a letter to him which equates to Bad News we all think. One friend was like I'll see how about writing. And one Mom was like 'Oh I forgot he has visiting today'. WTF. This makes me so appreciative of my parents man. And one girl was damn cute. She ended up talking to me and even asked me over to her work place where we can meet for lunch and hang or something. Lol. I tried my best to call everyone, and get all the messages through cos I remembered how desperately I awaited and how I felt when Daniel was in Changi Prison.
Wah this post is damn long and I'm not half done. I'm kinda enjoying this ranting and whining.
Anyhoo. To end off a light note.
Miss Peabrain "dont talk to me if you know you're going to piss me off bad." says:
you know i think of what you said that day i wanna laugh
Miss Peabrain "dont talk to me if you know you're going to piss me off bad." says:
you say : okay tonight i msg her go fuck your mum next day i apologize see if she likes it or not
Miss Peabrain "dont talk to me if you know you're going to piss me off bad." says:
LOL
Miss Peabrain "dont talk to me if you know you're going to piss me off bad." says:
i tink of that i wanna laugh
joviee.* says:
lol
joviee.* says:
i cannot help it la
joviee.* says:
i'm not 18 yet
Miss Peabrain "dont talk to me if you know you're going to piss me off bad." says:
LOL
joviee.* says:
when i'm 20 i'm sure i won't be like that
joviee.* says:
:\
Being sick is a major major bitch I tell you. Sore throats are the killer. Imagine feeling like fuck and you can't even light up cos your throat's too tender to tarek. Now I'm enjoying my first real fag out session after days of simply puffing without inhaling.
And flu is another pain in the ass. So damn tired and you HAVE to sit up to blow your nose otherwise the mucus's gonna drip everywhere. Not to mention the area below my nose and above my mouth is so sore it feels like it's gonna tear any moment due to all the friction from the tissue blowing.
And the lethargic-ness and body aches. Aaah I hate life. Why couldn't the sick issues wait till the boyfriend's birthday is over? I haven't gotten him ANYTHING cos a) I'm too tired to go out and b) I'm too tired to bug my mom for my mother and wham bam his birthday is tomorrow. God.
The brother's first time leave (something like home leave, only you come out for only 9 hours, sorta testing you to see whether you'll abscond) was today, thank god I returned the Home's missed call last night or I'll be embarking on a major guilt trip to nowhere if he missed the leave cos I didn't pick up the call.
Was good finally having a chance to talk without parental surveillance. Those who know my dad knows la. But having to wake up at 9 in the morning after sleeping at 5 or 6 is taking a severe toll on my health. I think taking a good long bath will help but I'm too tired to drag my ass to the bathroom to do anything more than pee.
Oh and my whole body feels like it's gonna rip apart. Everywhere feels sore and tender. You know like those major tight dry skin. Not exaggerating, everywhere's damn red and all.
Then my brother had to make my Mom cry and my Dad really upset cos he insisted on meeting his friends. Which I don't know whether is bad or justified but it's his life I supposed. After 7 months he should be able to do what he wants. And his fellow Home inmates snuck tons of numbers and messages requesting him to call and pass them on. He hid them in his shoe, if discovered the consequences would be hell, CS (cold something) which is like.. solitary confinement in a cold room.
Damn cute la. Quite alot of messages to girlfriends. Which he made me call and pass on since he's too shy? to do so. But kinda sad case. Some were like yeah I'll wait for him. Another was like I'll write a letter to him which equates to Bad News we all think. One friend was like I'll see how about writing. And one Mom was like 'Oh I forgot he has visiting today'. WTF. This makes me so appreciative of my parents man. And one girl was damn cute. She ended up talking to me and even asked me over to her work place where we can meet for lunch and hang or something. Lol. I tried my best to call everyone, and get all the messages through cos I remembered how desperately I awaited and how I felt when Daniel was in Changi Prison.
Wah this post is damn long and I'm not half done. I'm kinda enjoying this ranting and whining.
Anyhoo. To end off a light note.
Miss Peabrain "dont talk to me if you know you're going to piss me off bad." says:
you know i think of what you said that day i wanna laugh
Miss Peabrain "dont talk to me if you know you're going to piss me off bad." says:
you say : okay tonight i msg her go fuck your mum next day i apologize see if she likes it or not
Miss Peabrain "dont talk to me if you know you're going to piss me off bad." says:
LOL
Miss Peabrain "dont talk to me if you know you're going to piss me off bad." says:
i tink of that i wanna laugh
joviee.* says:
lol
joviee.* says:
i cannot help it la
joviee.* says:
i'm not 18 yet
Miss Peabrain "dont talk to me if you know you're going to piss me off bad." says:
LOL
joviee.* says:
when i'm 20 i'm sure i won't be like that
joviee.* says:
:\
Saturday, June 09, 2007
; no one else comes close
So. It's June already.
You'll be surprised how rapidly time flits away when you're bumming around doing nothing. Retrospect, the past six months has gotta be the most unproductive of my life; no school, no work, just boyfriend & home all the way. On second thoughts, blatently doing nothing is slightly better than pretending to go to school, half a week right? Rather than wasting time and money taking long bus rides, lugging heavy books I don't really wanna read simply to while away hours at coffee bean, all the breakfast places you can think of, and ktv sessions.
Come a couple of weeks, a new chapter begins. And I can't deny I'm secretly more anxious than exhilarated. Yeah, I used to live life crazy, but now I don't like, or maybe I'm not just a little afraid of change. Farewell to four years of sneaking into clubs, begging 7 11 uncles to sell that pack of fags and dressing 'mature' to make it to rated movies.
The only event I'm looking forward to is owning a car. Promised one after I secure my license, gonna try to beat Yuanxin's record and make it in two months which is madness but after mid july (boyfriend sets off to serve the nation) I'll be FREE till Feb when I fly away to burn those brains out. Nobody seems to trust my future driving skills though.. *pfftttt just wait till I get that car, pussies, don't ask me for a ride go take your CABS ^^ After spending a 20 buck cab ride via Jurong to Gardens.. I'm even more motivated not to waste that kinda money. WAHLAO 20 BUCKS CAN BUY TWO PACKS LOH. Though I get free cigs half the time.. that's besides the point.
And the rents' are starting a mobile shop at CCK MRT station. The rent is a fucking 10k a month, which I deem total insanity, especially with the sales of cig prohibited. How are we gonna make ends meet with handphones and calling cards alone, especially when we're hiring a girl (some hp expert) and we can't miss out on her pay?
But I suppose you just gotta trust them. *shrugs* I feel sorry for them actually. Used to make hundreds of thousands working 2 days a week without batting an eyelid and now we're struggling on 30k a month. They seem to be taking it easy lately though, going to work late, coming back earlier than usual now that the business's so good we can live basically by renting out the shop alone and maintaining partnership with Kenny - about 10k income even if they don't work at all. And we're renting out the second Jurong house - finally! and selling the Pasir Ris condo - finally! too though I thought it would be a better idea to let it out and receieve a monthy 1.5k which isn't alot but okay I think, rather than selling it for a loss of a few grand.
Prolly gonna help out at the mobile store, the pay won't be awesome but a guaranteered 1.5k to 2k is alright I suppose, since I'll just be learning the ropes. They're doing this whole partnership with the girl (similar to the one we do with Kenny) - we fork out the cash, they do the work, and it's 50/50 or 60/40 after deducting expenses/rent/everything. Sigh if I made Kenny teach me everything now I'll be the one earning that kinda cash la! 50/50, which is like 5k a month pretty damn awesome for a kid my age but.. GRRRRR. I was mentioning why not fixed salary for the girl, but they said if fixed they wouldn't give their all, cos it doesn't matter how they work they get the same cash anyway but if there's incentive it'll be good hard work from them.
You'll be surprised how rapidly time flits away when you're bumming around doing nothing. Retrospect, the past six months has gotta be the most unproductive of my life; no school, no work, just boyfriend & home all the way. On second thoughts, blatently doing nothing is slightly better than pretending to go to school, half a week right? Rather than wasting time and money taking long bus rides, lugging heavy books I don't really wanna read simply to while away hours at coffee bean, all the breakfast places you can think of, and ktv sessions.
Come a couple of weeks, a new chapter begins. And I can't deny I'm secretly more anxious than exhilarated. Yeah, I used to live life crazy, but now I don't like, or maybe I'm not just a little afraid of change. Farewell to four years of sneaking into clubs, begging 7 11 uncles to sell that pack of fags and dressing 'mature' to make it to rated movies.
The only event I'm looking forward to is owning a car. Promised one after I secure my license, gonna try to beat Yuanxin's record and make it in two months which is madness but after mid july (boyfriend sets off to serve the nation) I'll be FREE till Feb when I fly away to burn those brains out. Nobody seems to trust my future driving skills though.. *pfftttt just wait till I get that car, pussies, don't ask me for a ride go take your CABS ^^ After spending a 20 buck cab ride via Jurong to Gardens.. I'm even more motivated not to waste that kinda money. WAHLAO 20 BUCKS CAN BUY TWO PACKS LOH. Though I get free cigs half the time.. that's besides the point.
And the rents' are starting a mobile shop at CCK MRT station. The rent is a fucking 10k a month, which I deem total insanity, especially with the sales of cig prohibited. How are we gonna make ends meet with handphones and calling cards alone, especially when we're hiring a girl (some hp expert) and we can't miss out on her pay?
But I suppose you just gotta trust them. *shrugs* I feel sorry for them actually. Used to make hundreds of thousands working 2 days a week without batting an eyelid and now we're struggling on 30k a month. They seem to be taking it easy lately though, going to work late, coming back earlier than usual now that the business's so good we can live basically by renting out the shop alone and maintaining partnership with Kenny - about 10k income even if they don't work at all. And we're renting out the second Jurong house - finally! and selling the Pasir Ris condo - finally! too though I thought it would be a better idea to let it out and receieve a monthy 1.5k which isn't alot but okay I think, rather than selling it for a loss of a few grand.
Prolly gonna help out at the mobile store, the pay won't be awesome but a guaranteered 1.5k to 2k is alright I suppose, since I'll just be learning the ropes. They're doing this whole partnership with the girl (similar to the one we do with Kenny) - we fork out the cash, they do the work, and it's 50/50 or 60/40 after deducting expenses/rent/everything. Sigh if I made Kenny teach me everything now I'll be the one earning that kinda cash la! 50/50, which is like 5k a month pretty damn awesome for a kid my age but.. GRRRRR. I was mentioning why not fixed salary for the girl, but they said if fixed they wouldn't give their all, cos it doesn't matter how they work they get the same cash anyway but if there's incentive it'll be good hard work from them.
Thursday, June 07, 2007
; warmness of the soul
Yesterday was my brother's 16th birthday. I don't think boys bother much bout sweet sixteens, no? Still, it's sad to be stuck with people you don't like very much and living the monotonous life you've been living for the past seven months on a special day.
If I could, I wish I could re-live my life. It could've been wonderful. Maybe it still can be. Only now, I'm unable to see the faintest glimpse of hope. Why are you evading me? Won't you stretch out your hand and share a tinge of your warmth to comfort this cold being I've become?
Can you truly forgive someone for infidelity? Can you truly be happy with that someone, or will happiness only come when you leave? Oh the irony. Of being sad to death both with one, or without.
I feel like I'm writing total crap. But it's the only way I'm keeping myself sane, with my fingers flying on the keyboard, typing whatever comes to mind.
Sometimes I can be a hypocrite. I have a love-hate relationship with my cousin. Sometimes she pissed the hell outta me. Other times I see her so tenderly, as if my own sibling. Which she almost is, the same blood flows in our veins.
Blood is always thicker than water. When I discovered the reason for my handphone's disappearance was cos my brother stole it to sell, I wasn't angry. I was.. cheng xim. It's a hokkien term for.. heart cold? Like. Cynical, only worst. Like, the person I loved best can do shit to me. Like, why couldn't he have sold his own phone if he needed the money? The selfishness made my heart turn cold. Really. But you can find it in your heart to forgive, simply because, he's my brother.
And that bastard. I wanna hurt him so bad for all the shit he's put me through. I wanna break him. Yes, even schemed to get him in serious shit. From physical to social ruin, and even trouble with the law. You'll be surprised at how vicious and vengeful I can get. But at the end of the day I wonder, what for? Yeah, it will satisfy the monster within, but would I be happy? Wait. Yeah maybe. Just imagining that cocky bastard being put down feels me with glee. You think you're all that don't you? One more hint of trouble and you won't think so when you're lying headfirst in the dirt, I swear.
If I could, I wish I could re-live my life. It could've been wonderful. Maybe it still can be. Only now, I'm unable to see the faintest glimpse of hope. Why are you evading me? Won't you stretch out your hand and share a tinge of your warmth to comfort this cold being I've become?
Can you truly forgive someone for infidelity? Can you truly be happy with that someone, or will happiness only come when you leave? Oh the irony. Of being sad to death both with one, or without.
I feel like I'm writing total crap. But it's the only way I'm keeping myself sane, with my fingers flying on the keyboard, typing whatever comes to mind.
Sometimes I can be a hypocrite. I have a love-hate relationship with my cousin. Sometimes she pissed the hell outta me. Other times I see her so tenderly, as if my own sibling. Which she almost is, the same blood flows in our veins.
Blood is always thicker than water. When I discovered the reason for my handphone's disappearance was cos my brother stole it to sell, I wasn't angry. I was.. cheng xim. It's a hokkien term for.. heart cold? Like. Cynical, only worst. Like, the person I loved best can do shit to me. Like, why couldn't he have sold his own phone if he needed the money? The selfishness made my heart turn cold. Really. But you can find it in your heart to forgive, simply because, he's my brother.
And that bastard. I wanna hurt him so bad for all the shit he's put me through. I wanna break him. Yes, even schemed to get him in serious shit. From physical to social ruin, and even trouble with the law. You'll be surprised at how vicious and vengeful I can get. But at the end of the day I wonder, what for? Yeah, it will satisfy the monster within, but would I be happy? Wait. Yeah maybe. Just imagining that cocky bastard being put down feels me with glee. You think you're all that don't you? One more hint of trouble and you won't think so when you're lying headfirst in the dirt, I swear.
; news at half past six
Everything's okay. It's supposed to be okay.
But I'm not.
I don't know why I'm feeling so ill at ease, so disconcerted. Maybe cos I didn't solve matters, I just left it aside, for another time. That's why I have this might-be irritating tendency to want to discuss a matter at length, settle it once and for all, before leaving it aside. Only then, will I be at peace.
I'm not okay, I'm not okay.
You know what they say the calm before the storm? Yeah, you should be wary of it. Cos when you drop your guard and take a breather, that's when life comes up quietly from behind and shove you into the dirt, mercilessly.
On a sidenote, lushvibes.blogspot.com. Gonna have my first online shopping experience (only shopped online on 'real' stores before). Amanta's gonna make an awesome saleswoman someday.
But I'm not.
I don't know why I'm feeling so ill at ease, so disconcerted. Maybe cos I didn't solve matters, I just left it aside, for another time. That's why I have this might-be irritating tendency to want to discuss a matter at length, settle it once and for all, before leaving it aside. Only then, will I be at peace.
I'm not okay, I'm not okay.
You know what they say the calm before the storm? Yeah, you should be wary of it. Cos when you drop your guard and take a breather, that's when life comes up quietly from behind and shove you into the dirt, mercilessly.
On a sidenote, lushvibes.blogspot.com. Gonna have my first online shopping experience (only shopped online on 'real' stores before). Amanta's gonna make an awesome saleswoman someday.
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
; thats why you go away
Baby won't you tell me why, there is sadness in your eyes? I don't wanna say goodbye, to you. Love is one big illusion, I should try to forget. But there is something left in my head.
You're the one who set it up, now you're the one to make it stop. I'm the one who's feeling lost, right now. Now you want me to forget, every little thing you said. But there is something left in my head.
I won't forget, the way, your kisses. The feeling's so strong, won't last you for so long. But I'm not the man your heart is missing. That's why you go away, I know.
You were never satisfied, no matter how I try. Now you wanna say goodbye, to me. Love is one big illusion, I should try to forget. But there is something left in my head.
Stay here all alone in the middle of nowhere. Don't know which way to go. There ain't so much to say now between us. There ain't so much for you ain't so much for me ain't so much anymore.
Too proud to express my pain. Those who can read between the lines, good for you. Would you be there then, despite the fact that I've let so many of you down?
lingoifiwantfant tofolingadiefielingo. savelingofavemefelingo.
You're the one who set it up, now you're the one to make it stop. I'm the one who's feeling lost, right now. Now you want me to forget, every little thing you said. But there is something left in my head.
I won't forget, the way, your kisses. The feeling's so strong, won't last you for so long. But I'm not the man your heart is missing. That's why you go away, I know.
You were never satisfied, no matter how I try. Now you wanna say goodbye, to me. Love is one big illusion, I should try to forget. But there is something left in my head.
Stay here all alone in the middle of nowhere. Don't know which way to go. There ain't so much to say now between us. There ain't so much for you ain't so much for me ain't so much anymore.
Too proud to express my pain. Those who can read between the lines, good for you. Would you be there then, despite the fact that I've let so many of you down?
lingoifiwantfant tofolingadiefielingo. savelingofavemefelingo.
; wrong to love
I was going to blog about the hilarious blend of irony and idiocy of morons calling people hypocrites when God, excuse my french, you started the HATE-JOV club cos I warned my friend off you, Mr I Fuck and I Throw, remember?, and: (now we're getting to the punchline) bingo, you did just that, period!
What wrong is there, pray tell, in me calling one of my closest friends to rant about my boyfriend? Just like how you whined about me to the whole world? The difference is I have a pussy while you have balls, though I seriously doubt that, girls are petty by nature, and you seem to fit the bill. Maybe you should try looking down to ensure they're still safely on and not lost somewhere.
Sian. I just officially wasted 2 minutes of my life raving about deluded lunatics.
I hate the sales. Really. Like you spend a bomb on clothes/lingerie etc and now they're all 50% off! Where's the exclusivity in that? Every retailer should take Gucci's lead and keep sales off classic items.
What wrong is there, pray tell, in me calling one of my closest friends to rant about my boyfriend? Just like how you whined about me to the whole world? The difference is I have a pussy while you have balls, though I seriously doubt that, girls are petty by nature, and you seem to fit the bill. Maybe you should try looking down to ensure they're still safely on and not lost somewhere.
Sian. I just officially wasted 2 minutes of my life raving about deluded lunatics.
I hate the sales. Really. Like you spend a bomb on clothes/lingerie etc and now they're all 50% off! Where's the exclusivity in that? Every retailer should take Gucci's lead and keep sales off classic items.
Monday, June 04, 2007
; makes me wonder
Give me something to believe in, cos I don't believe in you anymore, anymore.
I wonder if it even makes a difference to try to cry, yeah?
So this is goodbye.
When everyone has left me here, I'll make it on my own, just wait and see.
I wonder if it even makes a difference to try to cry, yeah?
So this is goodbye.
When everyone has left me here, I'll make it on my own, just wait and see.
Saturday, June 02, 2007
; bleach track
You know you feel really a) indignant b) secretly the slightest twinge of pride when you realise someone ripped you off, word for word.
Twice already loh. And I KNOW, cos they were unique phrases that came up in the spurn of the moment and I doubt anyone has the exact same brainwaves as I do (I'm a genius you know)
Like the ending of the friendster thing. You can hide behind your mask or facade or whatever it was I typed then cos I don't really wanna see the real monstrosity you might be. Something along those lines la. You'll be suprised how many people STOLE IT FROM ME UNCREDITTED. Fucking bastards with no originality. On my friends list somemore. Shameless.
Another one is a friend of mine la, which sparked this post. But since she's nice and I like her.. okay loh. Lanlan. Lol.
Twice already loh. And I KNOW, cos they were unique phrases that came up in the spurn of the moment and I doubt anyone has the exact same brainwaves as I do (I'm a genius you know)
Like the ending of the friendster thing. You can hide behind your mask or facade or whatever it was I typed then cos I don't really wanna see the real monstrosity you might be. Something along those lines la. You'll be suprised how many people STOLE IT FROM ME UNCREDITTED. Fucking bastards with no originality. On my friends list somemore. Shameless.
Another one is a friend of mine la, which sparked this post. But since she's nice and I like her.. okay loh. Lanlan. Lol.
Friday, June 01, 2007
; mixtape
This will be a quick one, and random, cos I'm motherfucking exhausted. It's 10 bloody am, so pardon the profanities, the lack of a good ol' cigarette is so not helping.
Ever heard this quote?
'Shame on you if you fooled me once, shame on me if you fooled me twice'? Kinda makes alot of sense, if you think about it. But still. Mortals will always, invariably the XX chromosomes, be reduced to stupendous fools, especially when it comes to love. *scoffs
And my current MSN nick.
"If there's one thing I learnt, it's the people you love who let you down". Duh-ish, like wtf would you care about people you don't give two flying fucks about? I mean, yeah, some pests are like flies you itch to swat away but they don't REALLY hurt you, they irritate hence the bug word. But it sounds pretty grand and thought inspiring doncha think?
Just for kicks,
[twenty people] (totally random, just closed my mind and one person lead to another)
1. jenson
2. cheewee
3. xiaobai
4. mich
5. raes
6. ww
7. josh
8. amanta
9. nick
10. rei
11. kiat
12. cass
13. win
14. vic
15. daniel
16. jing
17. bart
18. shawn
19. leo
20. choobs
[questions]
1. how did you meet Number 14?
vic - brother's friend, was hanging with the clique for close to a year and we were real close <3 love you personal assistant/owner
2. what would you do if you had never met Number 1?
jenson - i wouldn't have an annoying sibling to bail outta sticky situations and i wouldn't have anyone i love and am so protective over otherwise
3. what would you do if 20 and 9 dated?
they.. can't. THEY JUST CAN'T. choobs is, sure, pretty boy and nick is manly man for want of a better phrase but.. NOOOOOOOOO
4. would 6 and 17 make a good couple?
LOL. love both of them, but bart would find ww stifling and a tad too loud and doubt ww'll stand bart's excessively promiscuous lifestyle maybe a fling would work
5. describe Number 3.
xiaobai - what can i say? never thought he was hot when we were younger tho everyone was calling him MILK cos of his 'gorgeous' fair skin but now i suppose he is.. *grudgingly and he's a very possesive person OOPS should i have said tt?
6. do you think Number 8 is attractive?
yes amanta is very petite and lovely, you can't tell her.. more robust and vivacious personality cos she has this demure gentle look HAHA
7. tell me something about Number 7.
HAHA the cheesiest silliest MSN convos we had a very dear friend JOSHUAFONGSHENWEI
8. do you know anything about Number 12's family?
um. only that they aren't the richest family around. (tt's all i know?!)
9. what is Number 18's favourite pastime?
shawn's always busy dealing with ghosties. or writing elfish books. NO KIDDING
10. what would you do if 11 confesses that he/she likes you?
kiat - too little, too late.
11. what language does 15 speak?
daniel, lousy chinese, usually attempts at flirtation, and he was made in taiwan!
12. how old is 16 now?
lemme think, jing. 20, yes.
13. when was the last time u talked to 13?
i would say a day or two ago. win. ;D
14. who's 2's favourite singer?
HAHAHA HE DOESN'T HAVE ONE. probably anime songs or something. he listens to whatever i blast so.. YADAYADAAAA
15. would you date number 4?
HELLO MICH, WE SLEPT TOGETHER REMEMBER? NOT JUST ONE TIME?
16. what's 10's last name?
chee
17. would you ever consider being in a relationship with 19?
NOOO it would be incestous and he is way too.. flighty for me hahaha! -leooo
18. what schools did 3 go to?
i really can't remember which guys' school, then city harvest, and i've no idea where right now
19. where does 6 live?
lorong 6 no. 24 realtypark or road or something close WW
20. what's your favourite thing about number 5?
my best friend, i love tt she's older than me but we share the same frequency, and tt tho she's spent her teens in the states and i stuck here, we turned out pretty much alike, volleyball team, goth (yes i was way into it when i was late 15), took to smoking and other debauchery..
Ever heard this quote?
'Shame on you if you fooled me once, shame on me if you fooled me twice'? Kinda makes alot of sense, if you think about it. But still. Mortals will always, invariably the XX chromosomes, be reduced to stupendous fools, especially when it comes to love. *scoffs
And my current MSN nick.
"If there's one thing I learnt, it's the people you love who let you down". Duh-ish, like wtf would you care about people you don't give two flying fucks about? I mean, yeah, some pests are like flies you itch to swat away but they don't REALLY hurt you, they irritate hence the bug word. But it sounds pretty grand and thought inspiring doncha think?
Just for kicks,
[twenty people] (totally random, just closed my mind and one person lead to another)
1. jenson
2. cheewee
3. xiaobai
4. mich
5. raes
6. ww
7. josh
8. amanta
9. nick
10. rei
11. kiat
12. cass
13. win
14. vic
15. daniel
16. jing
17. bart
18. shawn
19. leo
20. choobs
[questions]
1. how did you meet Number 14?
vic - brother's friend, was hanging with the clique for close to a year and we were real close <3 love you personal assistant/owner
2. what would you do if you had never met Number 1?
jenson - i wouldn't have an annoying sibling to bail outta sticky situations and i wouldn't have anyone i love and am so protective over otherwise
3. what would you do if 20 and 9 dated?
they.. can't. THEY JUST CAN'T. choobs is, sure, pretty boy and nick is manly man for want of a better phrase but.. NOOOOOOOOO
4. would 6 and 17 make a good couple?
LOL. love both of them, but bart would find ww stifling and a tad too loud and doubt ww'll stand bart's excessively promiscuous lifestyle maybe a fling would work
5. describe Number 3.
xiaobai - what can i say? never thought he was hot when we were younger tho everyone was calling him MILK cos of his 'gorgeous' fair skin but now i suppose he is.. *grudgingly and he's a very possesive person OOPS should i have said tt?
6. do you think Number 8 is attractive?
yes amanta is very petite and lovely, you can't tell her.. more robust and vivacious personality cos she has this demure gentle look HAHA
7. tell me something about Number 7.
HAHA the cheesiest silliest MSN convos we had a very dear friend JOSHUAFONGSHENWEI
8. do you know anything about Number 12's family?
um. only that they aren't the richest family around. (tt's all i know?!)
9. what is Number 18's favourite pastime?
shawn's always busy dealing with ghosties. or writing elfish books. NO KIDDING
10. what would you do if 11 confesses that he/she likes you?
kiat - too little, too late.
11. what language does 15 speak?
daniel, lousy chinese, usually attempts at flirtation, and he was made in taiwan!
12. how old is 16 now?
lemme think, jing. 20, yes.
13. when was the last time u talked to 13?
i would say a day or two ago. win. ;D
14. who's 2's favourite singer?
HAHAHA HE DOESN'T HAVE ONE. probably anime songs or something. he listens to whatever i blast so.. YADAYADAAAA
15. would you date number 4?
HELLO MICH, WE SLEPT TOGETHER REMEMBER? NOT JUST ONE TIME?
16. what's 10's last name?
chee
17. would you ever consider being in a relationship with 19?
NOOO it would be incestous and he is way too.. flighty for me hahaha! -leooo
18. what schools did 3 go to?
i really can't remember which guys' school, then city harvest, and i've no idea where right now
19. where does 6 live?
lorong 6 no. 24 realtypark or road or something close WW
20. what's your favourite thing about number 5?
my best friend, i love tt she's older than me but we share the same frequency, and tt tho she's spent her teens in the states and i stuck here, we turned out pretty much alike, volleyball team, goth (yes i was way into it when i was late 15), took to smoking and other debauchery..
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