; gone

Did I mention that I brought my baby to grooming and now she smells like a rose and her fur's soft and fluffy to the touch.

Digressed.

I once read this quote from somewhere, "Don't blame yourself, cos you've lived your life the best you could. Nobody sets out to ruin their own life". Sadly, or maybe simply pathetically, that's not true in my case. I think my subconcious is deliberately trying to sabotage and wreck any good thing in my life.

I tried to explain this point to Wanwin and Erik once, I don't know if they really got my drift, though. Maybe I'm too self centered to truly believe anyone can fully understand my train of thought, and what I go through as I walk through the daily routine of my life.

Before the call, I was musing in my head. "I'm too hard on him. I expect perfection when I already have one of the best boyfriends around. How can I be so overbearing, when my temperament makes me further from the fragments of perfection that I myself seek. I'm sucha difficult girlfriend, I have trust issues and terrible mood swings, and he becomes the unwitting catalyst and victim alike, of everything. Okay I'll tell him how wonderful he is later hehehe."

And the very next moment I contradict myself and everything I was planning by demanding a break-up. Yeah and here I am listening to the most emo songs on my playlist and smoking like my life depended on it. I'm sucha sucker I know.

Thanks for putting up with me for 5 months. Love you baby.

I miss my brother. It's sad that I have to put into words of a letter inexplicable emotions to the one I love best in the world. I pray that no one will have to be separated from a kin so deeply loved, like myself. I wish this pain onto no one.

Haha and to think I was telling my mom, 'Hey maybe I should skip the antidepressies this month huh?' Sigh. I know I talk alot. I can go on typing mindlessly into this sanctuary essays of how terrible a hand life has dealth on me, but lets spare you, poor reader the agony.

Emo 1000000 years. Haven't heard this for awhile huh, Sel, Mich, Win, Sis, and the people?

Say goodnight and go.