; fucker

My fucking boyfriend Low Chee Wee is the biggest jerk in the history of mankind and I goddamn hope the infamous Tekong Hantu gets him in camp.

KNNB CCB. Can't stand his fucking nonsense.

Cheat and cheat. His penis should rot and he should just be an enunch for the rest of his life. I'll cut it off if that Ghostie doesn't do the job. FUCK LA. DAMN PISSED.

No. Best he gets Aids and die man. I don't care whether his one nighter was before I even knew him. Nobody forced him to fuck a fucking slut who screws around like nobody's business anyway. DIE JUST DIE.

; crybaby

Well, my computer just died on me last night and I've no fucking idea why. It just blacked out right outta the blue and when I restarted it there was this whole list of virus-es! 55 of them! And my internet connection was down (probably the virus) so I couldn't get any antivirus software and I'd to manually delete the trojans etc from my computer.

Which didn't help very much, 14 bugs were left (couldn't be deleted for some reason or other) and now my PC's stuck at the windows xp page. Bummer.

Before it got totally off though I realised that my firefox homepage was changed to some porn web. Now who's being surfing porn on MY computer I'd like to know? Sigh. Anyway, I've been hinting to my Mom that I'm in need of a new one for the past few weeks, but they're way too busy to get me one, that's for sure.

Went to Cine yesterday. You really gotta applaud my self discipline. I was on my 2nd day of dieting after gorging and snacking like a monster for the past few months and Ww ordered what, a fudge cake, really yummy looking wings and thick fries just the way I liked them at NYDC, and nope I didn't touch a single thing! I stuck to my fags and my ice peach tea, which sucked like hell but was probably the least fattening thing on the menu.

Poltergay was a hilariously dumb Movie. Secret was intriguing, must watch but I'm a Jay fan so I might be a little biased, if you get my drift. Rush Hour 3's okay for laughs. 881 crappy, in my opinion, though one of the lead (small papaya) belongs to the same sect as me. Sect lol. Ratatouile is LOVE LOVE LOVE. I hate those nasty furry little things with weird legs and long tail but the movie almost ALMOST I said changed my mind.

It was kinda funny yesterday. I saw Vic first, then Ww saw Terry (Vic's friend as well) and then we saw Bernice (Terry's friend) Isn't that weird? Lol. But I gotta say it's still a terribly sad thing for Cine to be so.. twit infested. Sorry couldn't help ranting about that, I know it's getting old.

Pft. I shall go play my Joan of Arc on the PSP for now since I can't use my computer. Later.

; his room

Time, will never ever be on hiatus. That's what makes life's so difficult.

Quite a statement, isn't it? A simple line so effectively surpassing the not so good ol' cliche 'The world never stops revolving.'

Everywhere, every second, that skinny hand races on the clock's stern facade, inexorably to allow that old crone, one of the Fates to snip our life thread off with her merciless shears.

If I could, I would make time come to a stop.

Everyone, everything; freeze.

I just want to breathe, and stare at the sky. Is it still the brilliant azure in the day, the comforting navy canvass in the night? I don't remember anymore.

; pppppppfffffffftttttttttttttttt

My headache's a bitch. Isn't that usual for you, you say. Nope! I haven't had one in the longest time ever and now it's back, two consecutive days!

The evils of PSP.. I'm so hopelessly addicted to Brave New Traveler. I've already completed Bomberman (about 100 stages!) and Virtual Tennis. Heehee I'm becoming such a geek.

I don't wanna go overseas no more. I wanna get a diploma here and 2k (at least) a month and help my parents set up shop after shop and become a Sheng Shiong success story. So people like Bernice who go WAH Sheng Shiong son in my school leh! Must go see! will be all WAH YI YUN boss in my school leh! Must go see!

HAHA.

I've gotta look after the brats at home anyway. And I suddenly, didn't want to be a psychologist anymore. Quite a shock to be frank, I've cherished the dream since I was 13 and capable of rational thought. (when I was 7 - 12 I wanted to be a vet, and I wanted to go for surgery so I could be a MAN)

I'll get some diploma here and then hopefully head over to Wharton's in Penni. and be some hot business woman complete with cool hair powersuit sexy patent heels.

Oh what am I ranting about. I'm going back to my game.

Later.

; gran's ramblings

I absolutely abhor the days when my BF gets to book out, and he can't get a call to me beforehand.

Meaning I'll have to put everything on hold and wait anxiously. I loathe having to wait mindlessly. It stresses me out so major.

On a lighter note, Eclipse wasn't worth all the hype.

I got it a few days ago at Kino, and the guy was so amused when I rushed up the counter, panting, grabbed the Eclipse on the counter and inquired breathlessly whether it was up for sale.

'You can take that copy, if you like.'

'OH THANK GOD! THANK YOU SO MUCH!'

And he started chuckling to my face!

The fanmade videos on Youtube on awesome though. I love how they used clips from the most wanted to play the roles from other movies and make them into a trailer befitting of the book.

HENRY CAVILL MY LOVE.

; the corleone family

I don't know what's wrong with my family.

My brother - demands $150 a week, spends it in 3 days, attempts to get more all the time; earns $1400 a month, stops the girl he's dating from working and gives her $400/month; comes home at 6am in the morning, banged open my door and turned on the light without any consideration.

My cousin - expects me to cover for her wanting to sneak out to her bf's place, took my key back from where it was, my brother's friend place, AND DIDN'T TELL ME. For fuck's sake. When I asked her she had the audacity to be irritable and say 'I went to get it for you okay' like please I didn't ask you. And when I said very sarcastically for yourself or for me she went WHAT LA. Please leh. If you didn't want to sneak off to your bf's place, would you bother about my key? And who will be responsible for any mishap that might happen?

Nonsense.

; honour and passion

I will go cliff diving without any safety harness if I can be the proudest bagsnob ala Victoria Beckham and own a Pink Ostrich Birkin.

Okay I'm cheating. I want to go cliff diving anyway.

I'll give up uh.. one year of my life. NO JOKE.

; close to you

I am hurting.

; thundering rain

Boyfriend had a four day weekend, and yes, we spent it stuck on the hips, superglue alike. Does that excuse my presence?

But what can I say, a leopard will never change its spots, or the cruder hokkien translation - a dog can never change it's habit of eating stools (wonder where that came about, my dog avoids her stools like rats run from cats)

Anyway, that's that. When you get too used to something, you eventually become numb and so immune it doesn't really even hurt that much anymore.

So. I have to stop this bag obsession now that I have near a grand of my hands. Must not forfeit the necessities for a WANT. Please get out of my mind, Azur Speedy, Azur Saleya, Miumiu Bow Satchel.

My face which really cleared up for a few months now strikes back. Little zits and HUGE pores. Oh the horror. Must remember to get my ampoule, my whitening magic stick and Lim Kah Beng.

What else do I need. Tinted sunblock check. Lipgloss check. Mascara check.

Okay pressed powder next. Lengthening mascara next. Eyebrow powder next.

I must stop favouring YSL and Dior and this whole brand conscious-ness and stick to good old drugstore brands which might be just as good.

I just had a haircut for 70 bucks and EVERYONE - BOYFRIEND BOYFRIEND'S MOM MAID DAD nobody realised had my hair cut. DAMN.

Hopefully the semi 3d hair color can be seen la. An extremely matt brown which appears a whole bunch lighter under the light. 65 ONLY LOH HEHEHE. I have great bargaining skills. No choice, darker colors make one seems fairer mah. And since I'm not as fair as a ghost I'll have to cheat.

This post is so whiny.

Did you know we're only getting Stephenie Meyer's on the 17th. THE HORROR. 10 days after release. Bloody Singapore. I was considering shipping but priority shipping 2 - 4 days costs like USD $40 like wtf. -_-

; moment of truth

Got quite a fantastic hoard of indie from Hanlong.

I'm bored, and I feel so alone.

There, I've admitted it, anyone wanna rub it in, feel free yo.

; when you're gone

My brains are screaming silent in my head, urging for a time out but the eyes just refuse to remain shut. For the past 48 hours, I've slept for 4 hours. No thanks to my cousin, I finally fell asleep at 4++ am last night/morning but she woke me up break of dawn when she was getting ready for school. She didn't make any noise but I do think she should be more considerate and use the bed lamp, she knows how light a sleeper I am, the fluorescent lights and wham bam I'm up. Mental note to remind her not to do it tomorrow.

My MSN is jamming up every two seconds. Extremely annoying. Thank god for the laptop.

My friend's boyfriend broke up with her. A two year relationship, three year friendship before eventually getting together and he ended it via sms for no good reason. Everything was going fine and dandy. Just because he entered NS. And he said stuff about her finding someone better and all. She's heading for Uni soon so I guess I comprende his insecurity but really. Why count your chickens before they hatch? I'm keeping my fingers crossed it IS due to his paranoia and not another girl out there or something.

Really disturbing la. I hate the boyfriend doesn't get any funny ideas. I haven't talked to him for four days now, longest yet since we starting dating back late August.


I always needed time on my own. I never thought I need you there when I cry. And the days feel like years when I'm alone. And the bed where you lie is made up on your side. When you walk away I count the steps that you take. Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone the pieces of my heart are missing you. When you're gone the face I came to know is missing too. When you're gone the words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it okay. I miss you.

I never felt this way before. Everything that I do reminds me of you. And the clothes you left they lie on the floor. They smell just like you I love the things that you do. When you walk away I count the steps that you take. Do you see how much I need you right now?

We were made for each other out here forever I know we were. All I ever wanted was for you to do, everything I do I give my heart and soul. I can hardly breathe I need you here with me.

Great track, even though it's Avril Lavigne.

; my immortal

So the lion fell in love with the lamb.

When life offers you a dream so far beyond any of your expectations, it is not reasonable to grieve when it comes to an end.

Not enamoured to, but remember cos it might save you alot of future pain.


2 days to Eclipse.
3 days to Bf book out.

; i promise

Can whoever is visiting from direct linking of my former blog myprivatepain please tell me who you are?

Add me on MSN at joviee@gmail.com.

Thanks in advance.

; tonight

I sing,

tonight I'm falling and I can't get up.

Cigarette in hand, FM Static (my newfound love) on the speakers.

This fresh state of emptiness haunting is alarming. I usually feel down, and I attribute it to the depression I've been fighting a losing battle with on and off for the past four years. Switched from Fluoxetine to Amitrip last month, and I must say the drug is more effective than the former, only it makes me sleep more hours but considering how little I sleep on a typical day it is an agreeable change.

I've stopped taking it for the past week, I need to allow myself to feel without doping my brain all the time. It's making me stupider than I am.

Returning to my former train of thought. I don't feel sad. I just feel.. bored. Frustrated, restless, yet so mellow I'm almost comatose. Everyone and everything is boring the hell outta me.

Eclipse is the only bright spot. But I'm fearing for my sanity once I'm over and done with it. What do I do now?

I suppose I do need friends after all. Humans can never live in isolation, though I am doing a brilliant job if I do say so myself so far.

Now, now, don't go snickering or muttering it's my own fault. Certainly, to a certain extent the blame is mine, but not completely. I just enjoy the peace of solitude.

Oh imagine the hypocrisy, the callousness of human nature everyone else has to live with. I thank God most sincerely I'm exempted from that. But at least everyone else is living, which is more than I can say for myself.

I'm being conflicting, aren't I?

I know, I'm confusing myself too.

Alwin's heading to army in 40 days. Not that it's my business. Chong Bin's in the army too. Both of them belongs to three, or four years ago.

; crazy mary

For those who don't know already, my brother's absconded from the Home.

It's been almost two weeks already. Poor boy. My parents don't approve of course, so he's earning his own dough out there and occasionally living with a friend, whose name I won't mention for fear of him being charged of harboring a, technically, fugitive.

I don't think I should even be blogging this right now but I can't help it. I will burst if I can't exclaim my brother's narrow squeak today.

After KTV, a bunch of them were smoking and my brother caught sight of a police car. Walked away swiftly, the others refused cos they apparently didn't see anything or other. Policeman and woman I think ran out and told him to stop. He ran. Ran ran ran. Got on a cab. The driver was not blind to his anxiety. Instead of speeding off he wasted time with questions and drove slowly. Another police car sped up. He got outta the car. The police caught hold of him. He punched the guy and pushed the woman, and ran. 'Assault! Backup!' on the communicators. Ran and ran.

So tv drama right?

Of course I'm not in favor of him not returning back to the Home when he's two steps away from moving to Block D (from E, the worst boys' block) and allowed to go to school on weekdays, and come home most weekends. But I don't want him caught either.

So I'll do anything and everything in my power to help.

And I was complaining of a boring night at home. -.-

; flight

NO. NO. NO. NO. NO.

No.

I will not spoil Eclipse for myself. I will wait faithfully until the 7th or even 8th of August till the book rests safely in my hands before I begin my reading.

Oh Edward! A mere four days stand between us now!

; kinship

Alwin replied. :D

; when you're gone.

I always needed time on my own,
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry.

And the days feel like years when I'm alone,
And the bed where you lie is made up on your side.

When you walk away, I count the steps that you take.
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone, the pieces of my heart are missing you,
When you're gone, the face I came to know is missing too.
When you're gone, all the words I need to hear to always get me through the day, and make it okay,

I miss you.

I've never felt this way before, everything that I do, reminds me of you.
And the clothes you left, they lie on my floor, they smell just like you.
I love the things that you do.

We were made for each other, out here forever,
I know we were.

All I ever wanted was for you to know, everything I do I give my heart and soul.
I can hardly breathe, I need to feel you here with me.

; new moon

My life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars - points of light and reason. Then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliance and beauty. When you were gone, the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light, I couldn't see the stars anymore.

; not the one

Too much reading and PSP is so mentally exhausting, it's cracking up my physical too.

Until Eclipse finally hit the stores, forgive me, I'm gonna be a little too distracted to write.

In the meantime, why don't you do some reading too?

Sense and Sensibility is a wonderful way to start the engine. Not to mention the ubiquitous Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.