Sometimes, you lose faith, and you lose hope that eventually, everything will turn out right.
Then, you make it through the day, but there are the long cold nights that never seem to end.
And when you feel too weary to reach out for that life-saving buoy, that's when you know you're in major trouble, of sinking and dying.
My flu is killing me too.
Better off asleep courtesy of the pills, but for the long tiring maze of stress dreams.
Standing at the rooftops, everybody scream your heart out.
Standing at the rooftops, everybody scream your heart out.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
; coma white
There's something cold and blank behind her smile
She's standing on an overpass in her miracle mile
"You were from a perfect world
A world that threw me away today
Today to run away.."
Her mouth was an empty cut
and she was waiting to fall
Just bleeding like a polaroid that
lost all her dolls
A pill to make you numb
A pill to make you dumb
A pill to make you anybody else
But all the drugs in this world won't save her from herself.
*not popping, no worries, myloves. (:
She's standing on an overpass in her miracle mile
"You were from a perfect world
A world that threw me away today
Today to run away.."
Her mouth was an empty cut
and she was waiting to fall
Just bleeding like a polaroid that
lost all her dolls
A pill to make you numb
A pill to make you dumb
A pill to make you anybody else
But all the drugs in this world won't save her from herself.
*not popping, no worries, myloves. (:
Saturday, October 28, 2006
; already dead
Everyone is so intrigued by Death Note, and I'm no exception! Everybody loves Wikipedia, the one stop site for anything 101. Hehehe.
And I guess I needa stop assuming, then pitying people. I felt so foolish, remembering my indignity and outrage for the 'poor' girl. Must always remember, there's two sides to a story. Oh wait, lemme act wise and all knowing, there are three sides to a story, the two parties' and the truth.
My throat is so bruised it hurts like fuck everytime I swallow. Why do we need to swallow so often! The flu and cough's not helping things either. Exam stress, I swear. Everytime exam dates draw near I will miraculously fall ill.
And my mom told me dad is seriously considering slicing the already meagre pocket money, AND rather than the svelte body I'd been dreaming of, I am now merely a notion short of being a Pudge.
Enough about the Por Ol Me stuff.
Met up with the people I loved yesterday. (:
And now I'm home with the people I love most in the world, my brothers my cousin my babygirl and mom just reached home and she's warming up home made barley for me which I'm not too fond of, but I shall drink it anyway in appreciation of how she made it especially for me.
TP holidays are so over, and those TP buggers who promised to hang during their hols are now back to school again. Leo, you're one of them so don't think telling me to meet up at the airport while you are working is going to pacify me.
I haven't seen Vic in ages. I miss her. And Raes hasn't been online in a mullun years, guess she's up to her nosey in college, those guys and varisity volleyball and the like. It's amazing how we remain so similar despite her being half way across the world. Emails long overdued.
Umm okay I'm gonna re-read Death Note again.
I'm going to be the only mofo heading into the exam halls with 5 days worth of studying for each paper, I swear.
And if I bleed, I'll bleed knowing you don't care.
And if I sleep just to dream of you, I'll wake without you there.
Sudden burst of emoism. Fuck the world. Childish, I know but I can't think of a more precise way to put it across.
dan mungkin bila nanti, kita kan bertemu lagi
satu pintaku jangan, kau coba tanyakan kembali
rasa yang kutinggal mati
seperti hari kemarin, saat semua disini
And I guess I needa stop assuming, then pitying people. I felt so foolish, remembering my indignity and outrage for the 'poor' girl. Must always remember, there's two sides to a story. Oh wait, lemme act wise and all knowing, there are three sides to a story, the two parties' and the truth.
My throat is so bruised it hurts like fuck everytime I swallow. Why do we need to swallow so often! The flu and cough's not helping things either. Exam stress, I swear. Everytime exam dates draw near I will miraculously fall ill.
And my mom told me dad is seriously considering slicing the already meagre pocket money, AND rather than the svelte body I'd been dreaming of, I am now merely a notion short of being a Pudge.
Enough about the Por Ol Me stuff.
Met up with the people I loved yesterday. (:
And now I'm home with the people I love most in the world, my brothers my cousin my babygirl and mom just reached home and she's warming up home made barley for me which I'm not too fond of, but I shall drink it anyway in appreciation of how she made it especially for me.
TP holidays are so over, and those TP buggers who promised to hang during their hols are now back to school again. Leo, you're one of them so don't think telling me to meet up at the airport while you are working is going to pacify me.
I haven't seen Vic in ages. I miss her. And Raes hasn't been online in a mullun years, guess she's up to her nosey in college, those guys and varisity volleyball and the like. It's amazing how we remain so similar despite her being half way across the world. Emails long overdued.
Umm okay I'm gonna re-read Death Note again.
I'm going to be the only mofo heading into the exam halls with 5 days worth of studying for each paper, I swear.
And if I bleed, I'll bleed knowing you don't care.
And if I sleep just to dream of you, I'll wake without you there.
Sudden burst of emoism. Fuck the world. Childish, I know but I can't think of a more precise way to put it across.
dan mungkin bila nanti, kita kan bertemu lagi
satu pintaku jangan, kau coba tanyakan kembali
rasa yang kutinggal mati
seperti hari kemarin, saat semua disini
Thursday, October 26, 2006
; because of you
Oh and I forgot to mention,
to all those sweetings who's been holding your breaths with me, here's the good news!
THE BLOOD CAME!! YESTERDAY NIGHT!!
Only in a most untimely.. point of time. I thought I would be so relieved once it came, but I was cursing and swearing when the ********* found out. Yeah I didn't discover it myself.. get the drift?
This is almost as funny as the Michelle in my toilet with the toothbrush and 'paste. I'm sorry I can't elaborate both incidents, both the best and boy friends will kill me.
Use your imagination, think grossly hilarious...
Hahahaha!
to all those sweetings who's been holding your breaths with me, here's the good news!
THE BLOOD CAME!! YESTERDAY NIGHT!!
Only in a most untimely.. point of time. I thought I would be so relieved once it came, but I was cursing and swearing when the ********* found out. Yeah I didn't discover it myself.. get the drift?
This is almost as funny as the Michelle in my toilet with the toothbrush and 'paste. I'm sorry I can't elaborate both incidents, both the best and boy friends will kill me.
Use your imagination, think grossly hilarious...
Hahahaha!
; ectasy
Omg.
This weird unknown actually translated my blog into an unknown language to faciliate reading or something! I think it's spanish or russian or other.. cool! -_-
And some person (I bet some crazy girl in love or something) actually typed Leoieee into blogger search and poof my blog came up! HAHAHA. Is my bro attractive or what. I swear he's so hot with all the girls.
Hurrah for log checkers! Hahaha!
This weird unknown actually translated my blog into an unknown language to faciliate reading or something! I think it's spanish or russian or other.. cool! -_-
And some person (I bet some crazy girl in love or something) actually typed Leoieee into blogger search and poof my blog came up! HAHAHA. Is my bro attractive or what. I swear he's so hot with all the girls.
Hurrah for log checkers! Hahaha!
; an jing
Disillusioned.
just think of this and me as just a few of the many things to lie around, to clutter up your shelves.
just think of this and me as just a few of the many things to lie around, to clutter up your shelves.
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
; ai mei
That was quick.
And I could go on and on bitching about how someone who supposedly loves me with all he's got doing the one thing he protested vehemently against the second we broke up.
But what for?
Sometimes I wish I was born stupid, then I wouldn't be able to track visitors and put two and two together.
I think I'm having another headache and whatnots, say hello to the toilet, my new best friend.
/edit: i shouldn't bother but saddens somehow, i draft a single line; understandable anger, once bitten twice shy, but you heard a side without the other, so miscommunication kills it all.
And I could go on and on bitching about how someone who supposedly loves me with all he's got doing the one thing he protested vehemently against the second we broke up.
But what for?
Sometimes I wish I was born stupid, then I wouldn't be able to track visitors and put two and two together.
I think I'm having another headache and whatnots, say hello to the toilet, my new best friend.
/edit: i shouldn't bother but saddens somehow, i draft a single line; understandable anger, once bitten twice shy, but you heard a side without the other, so miscommunication kills it all.
; missing
Still I hesitate at the delete button of an entire folder of 99 texts.
The momentary lapse of my own uncertainty saved them all.
But eradication will proceed, I promise, the very minute confirmation hails, of the re-enacted lie one never admitted to, one which I once turned a closed eye to, but not anymore and never again.
And then, I guess, that will be the final goodbye.
The momentary lapse of my own uncertainty saved them all.
But eradication will proceed, I promise, the very minute confirmation hails, of the re-enacted lie one never admitted to, one which I once turned a closed eye to, but not anymore and never again.
And then, I guess, that will be the final goodbye.
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
; the one i love
Day before yesterday, Sunday, Dad decided to become the world's best host for a steamboat dinner, which means many many uncles and an over enthusiastic auntie, enticing aroma and blinding steam of boiling seafood, the glare of the telly of a soccer match with the occasional 'GOAL!' and 'SAYANG LA' (wasted!), alcohol, smokes and even a a mini gambling den in my living room. God you should see the stacks of fifties on the table usually cluttered with little whatnots.
I was telling the brother, here's when our smoking finally comes of good in the family, Dad felt no guilt at all engulfing our little humble abode in smokes and liquor since WE smoke and drink like nobody's business anyway. -_- Like, when Kenny (the guy manning our handphone shop) went out to smoke, see consideration for peoples' children, people) went outta the house to smoke, and my brother after he finished dinner, Dad shooed them in, like HEY YOU CAN SMOKE IN THE HOUSE!
But Mom was being sucha snob, she refused to allow the brother to take off his shirt cos of his tattoos which was so, hello woman! You've accepted ours so hey why not embrace our coolness (foolishness of youth, actually) and not be embarrased of what's already permanently etched on the body. Then the silly woman who can't hold her liquor started chilling in her room denying her OBVIOUS sehness and refuted my concern and teachings of medicated oil with a 'I'm emo-ing (she used the term gek-sim) over you kids sigh'. Love my mom she's so sweet and so cute though. Couple of days ago I was making fun of her hitting the big 40 this year and she gave me a big grin and told me she feels so young like 20 at heart and stuff.
And the brother decided to invite Xxiang and Pui over, and we ktved then gossiped the night away. It was bright eight when the cousin fell asleep and the boys left.
Was pretty grumpy and too lethargic to go out, but I felt guilty for being sucha total sloth so I changed and went out with the boyfriend for dinner.
And decided last minute to join the rabbits (Sis and Calv, short form from now onwards okay ^^) for dinner cos we couldn't make up our minds what to eat as usual. I'm so indecisive I swear I'll never get to ever naming my future child or even deciding what to feed it, vegetable or meat or fish porridge in the years to come.
Got psychoed (more like forced with tantrums of guess who) into a movie at Marina Square. Death Note was good. The mastery of weaving and manipulating, oohlala.
It's so nice to be able to not dress up not slap on any make up and have my boyfriend kiss me and tell me you're so pretty baby hehehe even tho I'm sure he was trying to direct me away from some annoying thing or other that he did or said.
And it's sweet that he can still make my heart skip a couple of beats and making me think wow so handsome!! when he was standing outside my door with this shy expression I don't know where that came from and his hair done a lil different from usual.
We made it through the first month, and here's to the many months to come. Love (:
Now for the blood to come and to hit the beds.
Goodnight world.
I was telling the brother, here's when our smoking finally comes of good in the family, Dad felt no guilt at all engulfing our little humble abode in smokes and liquor since WE smoke and drink like nobody's business anyway. -_- Like, when Kenny (the guy manning our handphone shop) went out to smoke, see consideration for peoples' children, people) went outta the house to smoke, and my brother after he finished dinner, Dad shooed them in, like HEY YOU CAN SMOKE IN THE HOUSE!
But Mom was being sucha snob, she refused to allow the brother to take off his shirt cos of his tattoos which was so, hello woman! You've accepted ours so hey why not embrace our coolness (foolishness of youth, actually) and not be embarrased of what's already permanently etched on the body. Then the silly woman who can't hold her liquor started chilling in her room denying her OBVIOUS sehness and refuted my concern and teachings of medicated oil with a 'I'm emo-ing (she used the term gek-sim) over you kids sigh'. Love my mom she's so sweet and so cute though. Couple of days ago I was making fun of her hitting the big 40 this year and she gave me a big grin and told me she feels so young like 20 at heart and stuff.
And the brother decided to invite Xxiang and Pui over, and we ktved then gossiped the night away. It was bright eight when the cousin fell asleep and the boys left.
Was pretty grumpy and too lethargic to go out, but I felt guilty for being sucha total sloth so I changed and went out with the boyfriend for dinner.
And decided last minute to join the rabbits (Sis and Calv, short form from now onwards okay ^^) for dinner cos we couldn't make up our minds what to eat as usual. I'm so indecisive I swear I'll never get to ever naming my future child or even deciding what to feed it, vegetable or meat or fish porridge in the years to come.
Got psychoed (more like forced with tantrums of guess who) into a movie at Marina Square. Death Note was good. The mastery of weaving and manipulating, oohlala.
It's so nice to be able to not dress up not slap on any make up and have my boyfriend kiss me and tell me you're so pretty baby hehehe even tho I'm sure he was trying to direct me away from some annoying thing or other that he did or said.
And it's sweet that he can still make my heart skip a couple of beats and making me think wow so handsome!! when he was standing outside my door with this shy expression I don't know where that came from and his hair done a lil different from usual.
We made it through the first month, and here's to the many months to come. Love (:
Now for the blood to come and to hit the beds.
Goodnight world.
Monday, October 23, 2006
; still
Headache, and a slight fever going on.
Life's difficult, when you find it hard to trust those closest to you.
Life's difficult, when you find it hard to trust those closest to you.
Saturday, October 21, 2006
; sweetest goodbye
7 RANDOM FACTS ABOUT ME:
7 FAVOURITE MUSIC AT THE MOMENT:
7 PEOPLE I FANCY:
7 THINGS I SAY MOST:
- i recently began playing spider solitaire alot online
- every mon weds fri i attempt to start a new leaf (diet, study, etc)
- i think madonna is kinda ugly
- i use to scorn lights smokers but now it's lights ftw!
- i am a very scenty person who loves my parfumsssss
- i like to look at my boyfriend's profile as in side view morons
- the only combs i use are brushes
- scary movies
- RODENTS ugh nasty hairy little things
- my dad oh and my boyfriend's sister
- moments of excessive emoness
- boys crying
- tt's gotta be mich when she wakes up first thing in the morning HEHE WHO ASK YOU TAG ME
- bad dreams
7 FAVOURITE MUSIC AT THE MOMENT:
- evanescence - missing
- nickelback - far away (all time)
- life house - blind
- jay chou - tui hou
- 5ive - closer to me
- faye wong - eyes on me
- chemical romance - welcome to the black parade
7 PEOPLE I FANCY:
- johnny depp
- jay chou
- cough
- cough
- cough
- omg tt hot guy in evanescence's call me when you're sober video
- baby ^^
7 THINGS I SAY MOST:
- fuck
- HEHE (pronounced like hee hee)
- omgod
- eeek
- wahlao
- why you __ insert verb, adjective (eg. shameless, dream, think too much etc)
- yah loh yah loh (in a v irritating manner)
- good company fags nothing really to do but chill = for the win
- bonding sessions with my dog
- singing ktv
- haagen dazz coffee ice cream
- not having to study ^^
- left alone with no interruptions to a good book
- good pampering massage hell knows i need one
; pain for pleasure
The web is a wicked web of massive deceit, every page another stage for someone else's conceit, and even when we join beneath a banner as a unit, we are liars sniping liars on a battleground of bullshit.
Friday, October 20, 2006
; november rain
MEMO
The rules:
Bold the statements that are true to you.
Italise the statements that you WISH are true. Leave the Fibs alone.
Then, stab 5 people to do the same test.
I miss somebody right now.
I don’t watch tv these days.
I wear glasses or contact lenses
I love to play video games.
I’ve tried marijuana.
I have been in a threesome.
I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
I have changed mentally over the last year.
I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
I curse.
I’m totally smart.
I’ve broken someone’s bones.
I’m paranoid sometimes.
I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
I need money right now.
I love sushi.
I talk really,really fast.
I have long hair.
I have lost money in Las Vegas.
I have at least one sibling.
I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.
I couldn’t survive without Caller ID
I like the way I look.
I am usually pessimistic.
I have a lot of mood swings.
I have a hidden talent.
I’m always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.
I have a lot of friends.
I am currently single.
I have pecked someone of the same sex.
I enjoy talking on the phone.
I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
I love to shop.
Enjoy window shopping.
I would rather shop than eat.
I’m a pretty good dancer.
I’m completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
I don't hate anyone.
I have a cell phone.
I believe in God.
I watch MTV on a daily basis.
I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
I’ve rejected someone before.
I want to have children in the future.
I have changed a diaper before.
I’ve called the cops on a friend before.
I’m not allergic to anything.
I have a lot to learn.
I have made a move on a friend’s significant other or crush in the past.
I have tried alcohol before.
I own the “South Park” movie.
I would die for my best friends.
I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
I'm shy around members of the same sex.
I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it.
I am happy at this moment!
I’m obsessed with guys.
I study for tests most of the time.
I am comfortable with who I am right now.
I have more than just my ears pierced.
I walk barefoot wherever I can.
I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I've ever met.
I have jumped off a bridge.
I love sea turtles.
I worked at McDonald’s restaurant.
I hate office jobs.
I love sci-fi movies.
Plan on achieving a major goal/dream.
I'm proficient in a musical instrument.
I think water rules.
I went college out of state.
I like sausages.
I love kisses.
I fall for the worst people.
I adore bright colours.
I can’t live without black eyeliner.
I don’t know why the hell I just did this stupid thing.
I usually like covers better than originals.
I can pick up things with my toes.
I can’t whistle.
I can move my tongue in waves, much like a snake’s slither.
I have ridden/owned a horse.
I still have every journal I’ve written in.
I can’t stick to a diet.
I talk in my sleep.
I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions.
I have jazz in my blood.
Climbing trees is a brilliant past-time.
I wear a toe ring.
I can’t stand at LEAST one person that I work with.
I am a caffeine junkie.
I cosplay or know what cosplaying is.
I have been to over 15 conventions.
I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical the better.
I’m an artist.
I only clean my room when necessary.
I like a person of the same sex.
I love being happy.
I am an adrenaline junkie.
The rules:
Bold the statements that are true to you.
Italise the statements that you WISH are true. Leave the Fibs alone.
Then, stab 5 people to do the same test.
I miss somebody right now.
I don’t watch tv these days.
I wear glasses or contact lenses
I love to play video games.
I’ve tried marijuana.
I have been in a threesome.
I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
I have changed mentally over the last year.
I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
I curse.
I’m totally smart.
I’ve broken someone’s bones.
I’m paranoid sometimes.
I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
I need money right now.
I love sushi.
I talk really,really fast.
I have long hair.
I have lost money in Las Vegas.
I have at least one sibling.
I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.
I couldn’t survive without Caller ID
I like the way I look.
I am usually pessimistic.
I have a lot of mood swings.
I have a hidden talent.
I’m always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.
I have a lot of friends.
I am currently single.
I have pecked someone of the same sex.
I enjoy talking on the phone.
I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
I love to shop.
Enjoy window shopping.
I would rather shop than eat.
I’m a pretty good dancer.
I’m completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
I don't hate anyone.
I have a cell phone.
I believe in God.
I watch MTV on a daily basis.
I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
I’ve rejected someone before.
I want to have children in the future.
I have changed a diaper before.
I’ve called the cops on a friend before.
I’m not allergic to anything.
I have a lot to learn.
I have made a move on a friend’s significant other or crush in the past.
I have tried alcohol before.
I own the “South Park” movie.
I would die for my best friends.
I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
I'm shy around members of the same sex.
I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it.
I am happy at this moment!
I’m obsessed with guys.
I study for tests most of the time.
I am comfortable with who I am right now.
I have more than just my ears pierced.
I walk barefoot wherever I can.
I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I've ever met.
I have jumped off a bridge.
I love sea turtles.
I worked at McDonald’s restaurant.
I hate office jobs.
I love sci-fi movies.
Plan on achieving a major goal/dream.
I'm proficient in a musical instrument.
I think water rules.
I went college out of state.
I like sausages.
I love kisses.
I fall for the worst people.
I adore bright colours.
I can’t live without black eyeliner.
I don’t know why the hell I just did this stupid thing.
I usually like covers better than originals.
I can pick up things with my toes.
I can’t whistle.
I can move my tongue in waves, much like a snake’s slither.
I have ridden/owned a horse.
I still have every journal I’ve written in.
I can’t stick to a diet.
I talk in my sleep.
I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions.
I have jazz in my blood.
Climbing trees is a brilliant past-time.
I wear a toe ring.
I can’t stand at LEAST one person that I work with.
I am a caffeine junkie.
I cosplay or know what cosplaying is.
I have been to over 15 conventions.
I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical the better.
I’m an artist.
I only clean my room when necessary.
I like a person of the same sex.
I love being happy.
I am an adrenaline junkie.
; because of you
I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did, you fell so hard
I learnt the hard way to never let it get that far
I lose my way, and it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break when it wasn't even whole to start with
I watch you die I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young you should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else you just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night for the same damn thing
Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you I learnt to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you I find it hard not only me but everyone around me
Because of you I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you I am afraid
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did, you fell so hard
I learnt the hard way to never let it get that far
I lose my way, and it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break when it wasn't even whole to start with
I watch you die I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young you should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else you just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night for the same damn thing
Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you I learnt to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you I find it hard not only me but everyone around me
Because of you I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you I am afraid
Thursday, October 19, 2006
; buttons
First, half the cake disappeared.
Then, my money disappeared.
In my own fucking house, with everyone denying responsibility.
Fuck the world,
I wish I can just disappear too.
Then, my money disappeared.
In my own fucking house, with everyone denying responsibility.
Fuck the world,
I wish I can just disappear too.
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
; zhi neng bao zhe ni
I can't fathom the cause of the sluggishness overwhelming me lately.
This is the worst time possible, no?
This is the worst time possible, no?
; closer to me
If only, if only friends will never stray.
Perhaps I am to blame, for being what Josh labelled, a drifter.
Too many cliques, and I can't keep up, thus eliciting unspoken goodbyes.
I always knew there would be an insurmountable price to pay,
Still, that doesn't make this loss hurt any less.
Is this destined, cos I wonder:
How many people have I loved and lost, and how many more do I have left to love, and to lose?
Perhaps I am to blame, for being what Josh labelled, a drifter.
Too many cliques, and I can't keep up, thus eliciting unspoken goodbyes.
I always knew there would be an insurmountable price to pay,
Still, that doesn't make this loss hurt any less.
Is this destined, cos I wonder:
How many people have I loved and lost, and how many more do I have left to love, and to lose?
Monday, October 16, 2006
; i've never been to me
Rather than an extremely emo post, let it fade, unspoken. Because this lyrics sing volumes for me.
Hey lady, you lady, cursing at your life.
I've no doubt you dream about the things you never do.
But I wish someone had talked to me like I wanna talk to you.
I've been to Georgia and California and anywhere I could run.
But I ran out of places and friendly faces because I had to be free.
Please lady, please lady, don't just walk away.
Cos I had this need to tell you why I'm all alone today.
I can see so much of me still living in your eyes.
Won't you share a part of a weary heart that has lived a million lives?
But I, I took the sweet life, I never knew I'll be bitter from the sweet.
I've been to paradise, but I've never been to me.
Hey lady, you lady, cursing at your life.
I've no doubt you dream about the things you never do.
But I wish someone had talked to me like I wanna talk to you.
I've been to Georgia and California and anywhere I could run.
But I ran out of places and friendly faces because I had to be free.
Please lady, please lady, don't just walk away.
Cos I had this need to tell you why I'm all alone today.
I can see so much of me still living in your eyes.
Won't you share a part of a weary heart that has lived a million lives?
But I, I took the sweet life, I never knew I'll be bitter from the sweet.
I've been to paradise, but I've never been to me.
Sunday, October 15, 2006
; falling out of love
So sad, but true.
I use to scorn all those lil twits who cut themselves. Like, ha! Multitude of little attention seekers rising up these days. Cut and show the world. My time, when I did so, it was few and far between and we were so ashamed of this weakness, we hid it from vision.
Perhaps I was too hard on them, too self absorbed that I forgot everyone had different, growing pains.
A friend of mine did something silly again. I'm unsure whether she cut herself, or she took pills. She was a popular girl with a really wide social circle. Rich, pretty, and smart too. She really had it all, know what I mean? I was suprised when she started emo blogging about a guy who got her down. I mean, it happened once before and she got upset, but she stood up soon after. Not so this time. She fell apart.
Another friend was a girl. Not quite the average one. She was extremely well to do, and had very different.. how do you put it, interests and beliefs from typical girls. Maybe it was due to the fact that she was more of a.. 'bung' to put in gently in her younger days. But she's since evolved into a gorgeous swan. She was conservative beyond her years, clubbing and smoking is wrong, sex before marriage morally incorrect that sorta thing. Hell even revealing clothes and make up (except for special occasions) were a sin with her around. Thus I was startled to learn she once had an overdosage of paracetamol and now have liver problems which will probably stay with her for life.
Not unlike myself.
I guess, shit happens to even the best of us.
Note: Please take good care Plynn. You were meant to live, for so much more.
I use to scorn all those lil twits who cut themselves. Like, ha! Multitude of little attention seekers rising up these days. Cut and show the world. My time, when I did so, it was few and far between and we were so ashamed of this weakness, we hid it from vision.
Perhaps I was too hard on them, too self absorbed that I forgot everyone had different, growing pains.
A friend of mine did something silly again. I'm unsure whether she cut herself, or she took pills. She was a popular girl with a really wide social circle. Rich, pretty, and smart too. She really had it all, know what I mean? I was suprised when she started emo blogging about a guy who got her down. I mean, it happened once before and she got upset, but she stood up soon after. Not so this time. She fell apart.
Another friend was a girl. Not quite the average one. She was extremely well to do, and had very different.. how do you put it, interests and beliefs from typical girls. Maybe it was due to the fact that she was more of a.. 'bung' to put in gently in her younger days. But she's since evolved into a gorgeous swan. She was conservative beyond her years, clubbing and smoking is wrong, sex before marriage morally incorrect that sorta thing. Hell even revealing clothes and make up (except for special occasions) were a sin with her around. Thus I was startled to learn she once had an overdosage of paracetamol and now have liver problems which will probably stay with her for life.
Not unlike myself.
I guess, shit happens to even the best of us.
Note: Please take good care Plynn. You were meant to live, for so much more.
; you and i both
I've been feeling the sudden whim to ktv so much these couple of days. But where have all my kakis gone? It's been almost a year since the nightly ktv routines with another group I christianed, the People.
The younger brother is watching E Mo Zai Shen Bian in the parents' room. First the cousin, then him. I keep hearing bits and pieces from it and it's getting annoying cos it's the third time it's replaying in my house! Grrr!
For some inexplicable reason, I dread the turning ons of the computer lately. No longer do I enjoy hours spent sitting in front of the computer, friendship bonding through msn and everything. Even the old ritual of smoking while listening to music seems to irk me incessantly.
Ah well.
The younger brother is watching E Mo Zai Shen Bian in the parents' room. First the cousin, then him. I keep hearing bits and pieces from it and it's getting annoying cos it's the third time it's replaying in my house! Grrr!
For some inexplicable reason, I dread the turning ons of the computer lately. No longer do I enjoy hours spent sitting in front of the computer, friendship bonding through msn and everything. Even the old ritual of smoking while listening to music seems to irk me incessantly.
Ah well.
Saturday, October 14, 2006
; warmness of the soul
Hey lush, have fun, it's the weekend!
So, the life pretty much revolves around the boyfriend these days.
But suprisingly, I'm not tired of it yet.
Even though he does annoy the shit outta me sometimes. He's still the best.
Hehehehe here goes my por lan pa attitude.
So, the life pretty much revolves around the boyfriend these days.
But suprisingly, I'm not tired of it yet.
Even though he does annoy the shit outta me sometimes. He's still the best.
Hehehehe here goes my por lan pa attitude.
Thursday, October 12, 2006
; bai se feng che
Maybe it's the heart rending vocals of Jay Chou or the effect of J*'s blog pulling at the strings of the carrier of blood, but I feel like shit now.
I swear guys can be so heartless.
You chased her like nobody's business. Then you leave her like nobody's business.
Fuck.
Poor girl.
I swear guys can be so heartless.
You chased her like nobody's business. Then you leave her like nobody's business.
Fuck.
Poor girl.
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
; torn
I really should stop doing the speed reading thing, but I couldn't seem to put the book down until I finished it, such a captivating read it was.
Geisha of Gion, Mineko Iwasaki.
300+ pages with tiny font since last night, and my head is spinning now.
Which reminds me of how I finished a 700 hundred page book in 6 hours. Haha.
Yawn I'm so tired. :|
Geisha of Gion, Mineko Iwasaki.
300+ pages with tiny font since last night, and my head is spinning now.
Which reminds me of how I finished a 700 hundred page book in 6 hours. Haha.
Yawn I'm so tired. :|
; hen xiang shuo
nan dao:
xiao rang mei le, ju li you le, kuai le ye zou le.
hai shi zhen xin si le bi ci bu xin ren le,
zong yu dong le,
zhen de,
hen xiang shuo you ni shi xin fu de,
hen xiang shuo wo de xin shi ni de,
hen xiang shuo ni zhen de wu jie le,
hen xiang shuo ni zhen de wang ji le.
hen xiang shuo hui hao hao deng ni de,
hen xiang shuo ai ni shi zhi you de,
hen xiang shuo ni shi fou ting jian le,
hen xiang shuo ni zhen de wang ji le,
my love.
xiao rang mei le, ju li you le, kuai le ye zou le.
hai shi zhen xin si le bi ci bu xin ren le,
zong yu dong le,
zhen de,
hen xiang shuo you ni shi xin fu de,
hen xiang shuo wo de xin shi ni de,
hen xiang shuo ni zhen de wu jie le,
hen xiang shuo ni zhen de wang ji le.
hen xiang shuo hui hao hao deng ni de,
hen xiang shuo ai ni shi zhi you de,
hen xiang shuo ni shi fou ting jian le,
hen xiang shuo ni zhen de wang ji le,
my love.
Monday, October 09, 2006
; missing
Please, please forgive me,
But I won't be home again.
Maybe someday you'll wake up, and barely concious,
You'll say to no one:
Please, please forgive me,
But I won't be home again.
I know what you do to yourself.
Shudder deep and cry out:
"Isn't something missing?"
You won't cry for my absence I know.
You forgot me long ago.
Am I that unimportant?
Am I so insignificant?
Isn't something missing,
Isn't someone missing me?
Even though I'll be sacrificed,
You won't try for me not now.
Though I'll die to know you love me,
I'm all alone.
And if I bleed, I'll bleed,
Knowing you don't care.
And if I sleep just to dream of you,
I'll wake without you there.
Isn't something missing,
Isn't someone missing me?
But I won't be home again.
Maybe someday you'll wake up, and barely concious,
You'll say to no one:
Please, please forgive me,
But I won't be home again.
I know what you do to yourself.
Shudder deep and cry out:
"Isn't something missing?"
You won't cry for my absence I know.
You forgot me long ago.
Am I that unimportant?
Am I so insignificant?
Isn't something missing,
Isn't someone missing me?
Even though I'll be sacrificed,
You won't try for me not now.
Though I'll die to know you love me,
I'm all alone.
And if I bleed, I'll bleed,
Knowing you don't care.
And if I sleep just to dream of you,
I'll wake without you there.
Isn't something missing,
Isn't someone missing me?
; stand by me
Wow, I realised me, the blog whore hasn't been blogging as often as usual these days.
I don't know why either.
Maybe cos some stuffs I want to, I gotta keep private.
So if those close friends wants to know more, text or call me cos I don't feel the urge, more like ugh thinking of sitting in front of the computer for hours and hours.
Been having the boyfriend over and staying at his place for I can't remember, the past five days in a row? Either by ourselves or with friends like James Calv Ww. Suffering from withdrawal symptoms now and I'm feeling pretty grumpy.
And I can't think of anything else to say.
Oh yes. The boyfriend hates girls who cheat on their boyfriends and we had two examples in front of us so far. And I wonder why these girls choose the routes they did. I mean, okay so you think the next guy is better. Why don't you dump your man and go for him then? They just want to have their cakes, and eat it too. Which leads me to the selfishness of all humanity. Their insatiable appetites and senseless cravings for all things better, yet with the smart but conniving mentality to keep what they have, so they'll have a back up plan to fall back on, a trump card.
Ah wells, just a thought.
I'm feeling pretty lonely home alone with non but the baby and the little brother and the maid who are lost in their own little world (yes the dog is on my lap but she's sleeping!) to accompany me. Then I think about who I'll be hanging out with after O's. So many to catch up with. Sigh. Emo. Chill chill, one and a half more months to go to freedom.
I want sushi and I want a kimono dress. *whines
Have a good day.
Needa collect lit and Ss/hist notes from school. Yay mom's driving ^^
but that doesn't mean, i love you any less.
I don't know why either.
Maybe cos some stuffs I want to, I gotta keep private.
So if those close friends wants to know more, text or call me cos I don't feel the urge, more like ugh thinking of sitting in front of the computer for hours and hours.
Been having the boyfriend over and staying at his place for I can't remember, the past five days in a row? Either by ourselves or with friends like James Calv Ww. Suffering from withdrawal symptoms now and I'm feeling pretty grumpy.
And I can't think of anything else to say.
Oh yes. The boyfriend hates girls who cheat on their boyfriends and we had two examples in front of us so far. And I wonder why these girls choose the routes they did. I mean, okay so you think the next guy is better. Why don't you dump your man and go for him then? They just want to have their cakes, and eat it too. Which leads me to the selfishness of all humanity. Their insatiable appetites and senseless cravings for all things better, yet with the smart but conniving mentality to keep what they have, so they'll have a back up plan to fall back on, a trump card.
Ah wells, just a thought.
I'm feeling pretty lonely home alone with non but the baby and the little brother and the maid who are lost in their own little world (yes the dog is on my lap but she's sleeping!) to accompany me. Then I think about who I'll be hanging out with after O's. So many to catch up with. Sigh. Emo. Chill chill, one and a half more months to go to freedom.
I want sushi and I want a kimono dress. *whines
Have a good day.
Needa collect lit and Ss/hist notes from school. Yay mom's driving ^^
but that doesn't mean, i love you any less.
Sunday, October 08, 2006
; missing
It's terrifying how someone can look you in the eyes with numerous promises of love, then be the one you witness with your very own burning pupils, stabbing you right in the back with a silent, brutal flash of steel.
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
; i won't see you tonight (part 1)
Cry alone, I've gone away. No more nights, no more pain. I've gone alone, took all my strength. I've made the change, I won't see you tonight.
Building up inside of me, a place so dark so cold, I have to set me free. Don't mourn for me, you're not the one that place the blame. As bottles call my name, I won't see you tonight.
Sorrow sank deep inside my blood. All the ones around me I cared for, and most of all I loved, but I can't see myself that way. Please don't forget me or cry when I'm away.
So far away, I'm gone. Please don't follow me tonight. And while I'm gone, everything will be alright.
No more breath inside, essence left my heart tonight.
Building up inside of me, a place so dark so cold, I have to set me free. Don't mourn for me, you're not the one that place the blame. As bottles call my name, I won't see you tonight.
Sorrow sank deep inside my blood. All the ones around me I cared for, and most of all I loved, but I can't see myself that way. Please don't forget me or cry when I'm away.
So far away, I'm gone. Please don't follow me tonight. And while I'm gone, everything will be alright.
No more breath inside, essence left my heart tonight.
; ni zui zhen gui
Too tired to protest or question further.
I'll just accept whatever comes next, what else can I do now?
I'll just accept whatever comes next, what else can I do now?
; li xiang qing ren
Drained.
Worn-out.
Neck, back and fingers are screaming in agony.
Forget blogging when all the brain juices are devoted to the books and more books.
Worn-out.
Neck, back and fingers are screaming in agony.
Forget blogging when all the brain juices are devoted to the books and more books.
Monday, October 02, 2006
; where are you now
I was thinking, one month would never be enough for heavy cramming of 2 years worth of lessons, homework and examinations.
Then I thought, the year before:
I stepped, nervously, no doubt, into the English examination hall(classroom actually) with no revision, and no lesson for half a year, then(or was it before) into the Chinese one with 3 days worth of limited studying, and no lesson for 2 years.
Ace!
No pressure on the parents side, I could flunk my ass out and know they're still proud of their daughter dear, and never deem her unworthy or mediocre in any way.
So the battle's my own. The pride to do well, to prove myself capable of academic success.
Everything else is going well and right on track,
blessed with the best;Family, Friends, Boyfriend.
Happy and contented with the world at this point, but too much love is never enough.
Still, technically.. Asi es Perfecto.
Then I thought, the year before:
I stepped, nervously, no doubt, into the English examination hall(classroom actually) with no revision, and no lesson for half a year, then(or was it before) into the Chinese one with 3 days worth of limited studying, and no lesson for 2 years.
Ace!
No pressure on the parents side, I could flunk my ass out and know they're still proud of their daughter dear, and never deem her unworthy or mediocre in any way.
So the battle's my own. The pride to do well, to prove myself capable of academic success.
Everything else is going well and right on track,
blessed with the best;Family, Friends, Boyfriend.
Happy and contented with the world at this point, but too much love is never enough.
Still, technically.. Asi es Perfecto.
Sunday, October 01, 2006
; my heroine
Everything comes with a price.
And I guess it's payback time now.
Please don't let this distract this critical period, I need full concentration to mug.
And I guess it's payback time now.
Please don't let this distract this critical period, I need full concentration to mug.
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