; now and forever

SO HOT SO HOT SO HOT!

KIM JEONG HOON IS <3 <3 <3



p.s oh and i wonder why some people see the need to hide their actions. lol. delete from friendster delete la for fuck's sake. no need to make up some story like 'huh! i didn't delete her!' when you did, and blocked me too! the weird thing is, why did you block, and not delete? tsk. seriously it's not like i'm gonna kill you for deleting me since i really don't give a flying fuck. just find your cowardice amusing, and i'm sharing this joy with the readers. HAHA.

; discovery channel

Question of the post - why is a Meme, known as a Meme?

Wait. Think I got it. Me, me, like, it's all bout me?


The Letter A

Are you angry?
- no. okay maybe a lil, bout how life is and how it can stink.

What is your age?
- you should know.

What annoys you?
- umm. twits at cine. mr bf and bedroom related issues. everyone being so connected in this lil web of singapore. i can go on but i'm bored of this qn.

Ever been arrested?
- uh huh. don't ask.

The Letter B

Do you live in a big house?
- no i live in a house with 7 other ppl and a dog so it's kind of a squeeze esp when you need some space, but there's gd and bad i s'pose.

When is your birthday?
- yvonne and melvin's birthday. okay it's june27th. i jus feel like being a pain in the neck.

Who is your best friend?
- that il have to think about. plenty of candidates but non selected, that sound right?

The Letter C

What's your favorite candy?
- marshmallows i think. maybe those long sour thingies they sell at 7 11.

Who's your crush?
- the Romeo that complements Juliet

When was the last time you cried?
- don't know. i cry kinda often i think lol.

The Letter D

Do you daydream?
- like all the time.

What's your favorite kind of dog?
- shetland sheepdog. they're goddamn gorgeous jus go check them out.

What day of the week is it?
- weds.

The Letter E

How do you like your eggs?
- it's on the mood. sunny side up ?

Have you ever been in the emergency room?
- yeah my friends are an accident prone bunch.

What's the easiest thing ever to do?
- umm smoking?

The Letter F

Have you ever flown in a hot air balloon?
- no

The Letter G

Do you chew bubblegum?
- yes i like to snap and blow it too

Do you like gummy candies?
- yes i like anything sweet

The Letter H

How are you?
- piqued.

What's your height?
- i don't know. 163 i think

what color is your hair?
- well it's whatever you call red washed off, with black roots

The Letter I

What's your favorite ice cream?
- haagen dazzs coffee. rocky road.

Do you play an instrument?
- yeh piano saxophone and various percussion instruments

The Letter J

What's your favorite jelly bean?
- grape

Have you ever heard a really hilarious joke?
- yes but i can't think of anything now

Do you wear jewelry?
- nosestud was a permanent part of me for years, but i go without these days

The Letter K

Who do you want to kill?
- used t wanna kill the slutshit. now uh i dunno. oh yes this bastard named ken who tried to blackmail my lil bro, pussyboy.

Do you want kids?
- yes i want my own vball team.

Where did you have kindergarten?
- a couple, the last one was kinderland

Letter L

Are you laid back?
- so laid back i'm almost comatose. no la actually i'm pretty emotional bout shits but i'm too lazy to do shit so there you go

Do you lie?
- wouldn't you like to know.

The Letter M

Whats your favorite movie?
- atm it's s'pose to be storm the yard. if we're talking alltime i would say umm i have to check my friendster account haha but i would say sleepy hollow.

Do you still watch disney movies?
- yeh i recently rented lil mermaid and bambi and beauty&thebeast's my alltimetop5 fave movie.

Do you like mangos?
- yes

The Letter N

Do you have a nickname?
- emokid

Whats your favorite number?
- 7

Do you prefer night over day?
- night's to me what's day to you

The Letter O

What's your one wish?
- a wish's a secret

Are you an only child?
- nope first child though

Do you wish this was over?
- no i kinda enjoy how dumb this is teehee

The Letter P

What's one fear are you most paranoid about?
- being lied to or cheated on.

The Letter Q

Are you quick to judge people?
- i would say so.

The Letter R

Do you think you're always right?
- tts what mr bf claimed but i dunno.

Do you watch reality tv
- nah boring these days

What's a good reason to cry?
- betrayal.

The Letter S

Do you prefer sun or rain?
- i loathe the sun with a vengeance so i would say rain but it's more the slightest drizzle tt i like

Do you like snow?
- yeah it was cool (pun not intended) but i was sick the first time i saw it i remember.

What's your favorite season?
- fall, definitely.

The Letter T

What time is it?
- o251

What time did you wake up?
- er i dunno.

When was the last time you slept in a tent?
- oh i was jus telling the bf bout it when my dad bought a tent home years back but we all refused to go camping with him so we used it in our bedroom instead (i refused to have it in the megaass garden cos i needed aircon)

The Letter U

Are you wearing panties/thongs/boxers?
- gstring

Do you prefer panties or thongs?
- thongs it's my fave undergarment after the bra

Underwear or boxers?
- boxers you can't resist a guy in spongebob

The Letter V

Whats the worst veggie?
- pea i think.

Where do you want to go on vacation?
- fiji island. 20000 for 6 days tho. sigh.

Where was your last family vacation to?
- us i think.

The Letter W

Where do you live?
- westside

The Letter X

Have you ever had an x-ray?
- yeap

The Letter Y

Do you like the color yellow?
- not really it bugs the hell outta me but ppl like my cousin and calvin dig it -_-

What year were you born in?
- check out the profile, on your left.

The Letter Z

Whats your zodiac sign?
- cancer.

Do you believe in the zodiac?
- when i was younger and all i worried bout was looking good for the next bf i didn't. emotional? yeah right! but now maybe a little.

What's your favorite zoo animal?
- i saw a zebra pee once. outta point. i would say the big cats. and the panda. and the koala.. and..


Do you promise that ur gonna be honest with this survey?
uh huh

Are you single?
no

Are you taken?
yeah

Are you crushing?
ha ha

Do you like stuffed animals as presents?
yes imma big baby

Do you like chocolates as presents?
NO unless it's like godivas or royces but even then!!

Do you like flowers as presents?
yeah the lilies with a single red rose in the middle. ah!

Are you in love?
with a memory.

Have you ever kissed someone?
yes

Have you been kissed by someone?
this quiz is so much dumber than the one above

If someone told you that they loved you, would you be with that person?
check out statement above.

If you had a crush on someone, would you dare to tell that person how you really felt?
i used to. now i wonder

If you rejected someone, but now you have feelings for them, would you tell them how you felt?
yeah

What do you feel right now?
irritated lol stupid questions these time but i don't wanna stop halfway

Are you willing to love again even if you've been hurt before?
yeah

What type of bf/gf would you want to have?
the fantasy prince charming was tall, leanfit, fair with androgynous features. english educated. reserved with hidden passions.. and i can go on and on.

Are you serious when it comes to relationships?
i wasn't. now it's time for growing up

Does answering this make you feel awkward or sad?
awkward, i would say. embarrased

Does crying make you feel better?
no but you know. indulging in your sadness is good sometimes, i think.

Do you want to tell someone that you love them?
ier maybe

Last but not least, describe love.
love is.. love.

TOP 4!
The Rules: - Don't change your top 4 FIRST. - Be completely honest(within reason) List your top 4
1. c
2. jenson (my bro)
3. r
4. b

Are you older than your 2nd person?
- yes

Have you gotten "sexual" with your 4th person?
- a long time ago

If you were to go to Disney world would you take number 3?
- (:

If you were crying would the 1st cheer you up?
- when he thinks it isn't his fault

If you found out that 2 and 4 were going out what would you do?
- LOL. 4 is 2's 'chief' so it would be interesting but i would kill 2!

How long have you known 4?
- 1yr

Who have you known the longest?
- 2. my bro afterall

Who have you known the least?
- in terms of time my boyfriend lol. that's c for you.

Who did you hang out with Last?
- my bf he's next to me now.

Who did you last talk to on fone with?
- bf bf bf.

Have you ever kissed anyone on your top 4, if so, who?
- prolly all.

Has 2 ever spent the night at your house?
- HE LIVES IN MY HOUSE.

When was the last time you talked to 3?
- (:

Do you love anyone on your top four?
- love, infatuation, the works.

; eyes on me

What did you expect from a single text Jov? No, really?

Hahaha LOSER. *points and laughs at Jov. LOSER.

*sneers: You never learn, do you?

; never let you go

the rain, just never seems to bring, the joy
i feel the same, everlasting pain of my loss remains.

my heart can't seem to learn to part, the hold
you left your mark, all that i dreamed of now it seems so stark.

the way you left me on the train,
i don't know what to say, i remember everything that day.

i can't believe we'll never dance, just need
one more chance to share the sunset, our one last romance.

though i told myself won't hold my breath,
a part of me was dying.
there is nothing left for me to do now but give in.

if you gave me one chance to tell you how i was feeling,
i would sing to you and tell you i won't
live my life without you.
if you gave me on chance to tell you how i was feeling,
i would hold your hand and look in your eyes,
and you'll know i'll never let you go.


Cheesy lyrics, but cheesy is good, sometimes. Will upload the song when I figure out how to.

Been watching this chinese drama serial where a girl disguised as a guy sneaks into an allmales school to meet this high jump expert hottie. And he's hot! Like those decent kinda hot. And though the show is terribly cheesy, it's good too. Both of them are lying to each other, the girl pretending to be a guy, and the guy pretending not to know that she's a girl pretending to be a guy and it's so sweet to see them secretly protecting and loving each other. I guess in this case lies ain't all bad, huh?

; big baby

What gives, when your YOUNGER sister questions your ability and frets from your sudden determination to cook a packet of instant noodles yerself?

You know you're in trouble.

I never realised my 4yearold dog, which I'm still more often than not inclined to 'puppy' her is getting old, till ze boyfriend got a new puppy, two months old.

I just discovered her nosetip is getting pinkish.

; so sick of love songs

To put it simply, we're not the whole monthly anniversary celebrating type. So it came as a suprise, when I flipped the calendar over casually, and realised, hey, it's been 6months, yesterday!

Too much on my mind these days. It's hard to keep track of less important issues.

Damn. Sudden attack of stomach, might have to use the lavatory soon so I'll make this a quick one.

Mich once mentioned about a book she read. Apparently some girl hated, loathed her past with a vengeance. And she managed to forget that entire period of time! I gotta find that book and learn her secrets.

Oh and I realised I haven't been doing any pieces of good writing lately. Lost touch, I'd say. Cos I remember writing about the same issue and using words like 'Complete elimination of hurtful memory fragments, and amputations of sorrow filled past' and yada yada. Or maybe I'm just being the lousy writer that I am, anyway.

; one love for a lifetime

I have to admit, I'm one for poking my nose into other people's business.

That is why I know that HongJie (this 'events' guy who's supposedly a brilliant ticket pusher) and MichelleSin (seriously hot babe, i like!) broke up, and she has a new guy, and he has a new girl.

Yes I read her blog occasionally.

So, I was happily browsing through Anthony's friendster - being a busybody again, cos we bumped into a mutual friend and when inquired how he knew the friend, he answered, the latter's the former boyfriend of the best friend of the girl he loves - and I wanted to check her out,

I chanced upon the tiny icon of Hongjie Koh, and he was with a girl in the picture. Curiousity struck me, I mean c'mon, if I were a guy why would I let the lovely Michelle go? And I clicked the icon and EH! Familiar face. Not of his though, I might have seen him around but nope, it was the girl's face who registered.

My senior by a couple of years in my first secondary school! I think I bumped into her late last year and she looked amazing. Which reminds me, I chanced (again!) upon my primary school senior and close friend, 7 11 of gardens and she looked fabulous as well. K I can't help gossiping a lil, she was with a man probably twice her age, but that's all I'm gonna say. Funny though. She spoke English to me, and she was dressed casual classy, get what I mean? Cos I remember clearly when I was in Sec 1, she dated Rei for awhile, then Raymond (the star of my school's volleyball team) and my best friend then, Peiling was totally in awe of her cos she was supposedly this hot ahlian. Haha!

Thing is, ALL my seniors and EVERYONE related to me are looking so wonderful and doing so well. Why am I the only one lagging behind?

This is seriously bugging me =(

; cartoon network

Time never stops for anyone.

Whilst my departure, newer beings emerged.
Left behind, I chose never to return.

Glory was sweet, but ephemeral.
Still you can't help the bitterness within.



In a way, it's most hypocritical. Maybe I'm the one being small but I think, with the loss of 20 kgs I will re-enter the clique, as a brand new member with past history as trophies and regain the old position. But how.. how desirable is that, if weight is all that matters?

I'll like to feel that if and when I regain the figure of 44, it's to look better and that's it, not for any other reason.

'to the clubs you hit weekends. people you hug and say hello to. sure you meant to say hello and hug them?'

Quote, unquote Amanda.

; helena

And I'm not unaware that I'm probably the most spoilt, selfish brat, ever.
As if I'm clueless of the current decrease in the family's income,
As always, as I like, spending frivolously.

That can be justified, it's my money after all.
But listen, just listen to the tale of the self centered little girl woman?

Whatever courses I endeavour, I only enroll in the best.
Searching for uni, unlike my love, I proclaim,
money is no consideration.

The parents agree, for what is more important than education?
But still..

Oh well...

; never let you go

Feels like the Almighty's ruffling the pages of the story of my life pretty happily these couple of days, thus raking up bittersweet memories, some painful, some silly, yadeedada, all so true.

Haven't spoken to my St. Francis schoolmates for a long while. I've been to school barely two months combined last year and when I did, it was only to take off after the customary attendance so.. most of the People left after my first year, the ones that remained I was too distracted and out of sorts, perhaps to bother very much, and the new friends, yeah those potential wonderful friendships I just didn't had the time nor the energy.

Then I got a call from two of them, one after the other yesterday. Bart, yeah man, fixed Friday nights at Newton where we all go a little crazy after 50 bottles of beer. BoyBoy running around in his boxers with the bin over his head. Hok singing Helena at the top of his lungs. Then the Saturdays in town, then Liquid or Zouk or wherever we got free invites. Hell two years seems like a mullen light years away.

And the other.. Shawn! What a surprise. Someone I hold very dear and close to heart. I once thought he was the one, the one who most likely could be my soulmate, but strike one strike two strike three and we're out. Still. It was a deepset comfort to hear from you, and I hope you'll take care over in Taiwan. Too little too late, huh, one week after you left Singapore I resonated in your mind? Mr Vampire, with the dark wavy locks of hair producing a stark contrast with his pale pale skin, and if I live to a million years I'll never forget those haunted looking eyes..

I was gonna go on about the Huayi coincidence and the Xinmin ones, but I'm tired and lazy now. Good night. I'm hungry.

; screaming infidelities

Long, but if you're interested, it might give you a brighter insight of my innerworld. I've ended psychiatric treatment for a long while now, but sometimes, I wonder if I'm really out of it, whether I've truly left it behind.


I thought depression was the part of my character that made me worthwhile. I thought so little of myself, felt that I had such scant offerings to give to the world, that the one thing that justified my existence at all was my agony.

Sometimes I think that I was forced to withdraw into depression because it was the only rightful protest I could throw in the face of the world that said it was alright for people to come and go as they please, that there were simply no real obligations left. Certainly deceit and treachery in both romantic and political relationships is nothing new, but at one time, it was bad, callous, and cold to hurt somebody. Now it's just the way things go, part of the growth process.

I start to think there really is no cure for depression, that happiness is an ongoing battle, and I wonder if it isn't one I'll have to fight for as long as I live. I wonder if it's worth it.

That's the thing about depression: A human being can survive almost anything, as long as she sees the end in sight. But depression is so insidious, and it compounds daily, that it's impossible to ever see the end. The fog is like a cage without a key.


Prozac Nation, Elizabeth Wurtzel

; kan shang ta

One of my favourite Rockfever songs (my fave arcade game), terribly upbeat cutesy techno track, contradicts sadly with how I'm feeling, and what I'm going to blog about.


Self-inflictived, this self-destruction.

But perhaps I'll need to kick the bucket a mullen times more, before I'll learn to kick the habit.

; rendered speechless

You will not believe, neither will or rather, can you fully comprehend and sympathise with my whirling emotions after I tell you what I just witnessed.

Browsing through the laptop's history, I saw a Youtube video titled 'Ceneleisure TAKEONE'. Peaked my interest. After all.. Cine what. Haha. It's been a good 5 years of long afternoons, and even longer nights, from the old LongJohn crowd till we shifted to Rocky's and Cheers -not counting those months of MIA-ness (I know, I know, I'll be back peeps! -esp to those who asked yo) and I can't help but harbour some kinda.. weird emotion. Protectiveness? Possesiveness? I wonder.

Back to what I was saying.

There was this slightly familiar looking guy sporting red and yellow hair in those typical thick long fringe xiaobeng style, wearing guess what? A striped long sleeved top AND you will NOT BELIEVE THIS and I'm not even kidding: A faux leopard print jacket! Talk about fashion disaster, but that's not even my point. No. I so refuse to pass on that video - humiliation of Cine I swear! - but first he was play fighting with this girl (couldn't see the face) and then he started sprawling sitting on the floor, fake wailing, whining!

I might've find it funny, if it was at some other place. Saddens me to reaffirm my longtime realisations. The taking over of Cine by Xiaobengs and Xiaolians. No, seriously, I have NOTHING against Ahbengs and Ahlians. I use to hang with them often as a matter of fact. It's the younger ones that gets on my nerves, goodness.

My boyfriend just told me I'm probably the most KPO - inquisitive - person around. Hehehe. I actually texted Bernice to asked whether she knew him HEHEHE (cos she was the one using the laptop and oh btw Bernice is my boyfriend's sister and I helped her bleached her hair yesterday ^^v Looks kinda weird but I'm getting experience ah!) This is not KPO-ism this is purely interest in.. affairs.. like public relations, that kinda thing, no?

Okay before I totally lose my train of thought, that Xiaobeng I mentioned was my former best friend's current good friend's younger brother. Or older. I don't really remember. Maybe I'm stereotyping but I don't care, he deserves it for making such a fashion faux pas and behaving like one, imagine, all the CHAO CHEEBYE, CHEEBYE spewing out of his mouth TSKTSK.

What I do remember of him is that he was a 'GUAI KIA' in ahbeng terms, those nerdy kinda kid who some girls deem cute in a boyish way. Ice-skates or ice hockey or something with this other kid named Jackson or something. The Iceskating rink used to be my younger brother's 'ZAI TUI' lol. Which means uh.. territory. And I remembered that my brother almost had both of them beaten up but for a friend's intervention. My brother was merely a 14 year old kid then, btw (: And on his birthday (the guy's birthday) last year or the previous, he actually said to my brother - eh today is my birthday leh, never wish me happy birthday? - Lol my brother was all like.. what the hell but he shook his hand anyway.

What, Jurong Iceskating Rink kiddos upgrading to Town? Hahahaha. I know I'm nasty but I don't really care. I mean, what, nerd boy trying to 'step one ahbeng?' HAHAHA.

; remember

It's time I've learnt that mistreating, abusing my physical form doesn't really make me feel better within at all, only worst. How come it took me so long just to get that?


Starving, but I can't work up the strength to eat.
Exhausted, but I can't seem to fall asleep.

; silence

Hysterically screaming.

I'm a fucking coward who fears death after all. I'm sorry to those I've snubbed.

I love my brother Jenson. I love my Mom my Dad my lil bro Jovan my sister Shianne. My dog Beebee. Raes Mich Wanwin Josh. Vic. My family on the Dad's side. Some on the Mom, maybe. My grandma, my maid. I dunno who I've missed out, I can't think coherently now. Teapot. Ter? I dunno.

Baby Cheewee I love you too.

; ni hen ai ta

Peidong told me, many months ago, a lil scornfully cos of the quarrels I share with Baby - 'There's no point in a relationship without trust.'

It's not that I disagree, but, what happens when he broke your heart, lost your trust but you love him regardless and refuse to give up on the relationship, thus making the choice to forgive?

If I could I would forget what he did so I can be blissfully Mrs Fatfat again. But there isn't a button for me to press. Everyday the incident will reiterate in my head. Taunting me. Haunting me. And that's with him sleeping like a good boy in bed. Imagine what I'll go through when I'm away from him.

Hell, forget Mrs Fatfat. Remember Lil Miss Emo? The countless unanimous votes for Emo Kid of the Year?

I'm trying to smile. Faking a smile.

; let me serenade your soul

Forgiving a wrong done, Forgetting a hurt inflicted, is one of the few beautiful things that thankfully survived, two millenia since Jesus Christ.

It doesn't come easy, does it? Yeah, it's not that you want the culprit to grovel and cry at your feet every two hours or so, but.. it's the relentless pounding of the deed in your head, and you just want to scream and throw vases at him for doing this to you.

And then you loathe yourself for being pussy enough to stick around, too weak to get up and walk away. But then you think, how often does a love come by, and why would you let go and give up so easy?

Paradox, contradictions.

But enough about me and the sad story of my life. Hey, I'm sure you guys have clothing like, silk or really fine linen or those that require dry cleaning? So you send them to the dry cleaners or do you just wash it, or what? ANSWER ME AT THE TAG PLEASE!