; musings

Masochist tendencies will haunt and terrorise me for as long as I live, no matter how desperately I run and how hard I try, how bitterly I cry and how faithfully I pray. I will never break free.

Thank god for the nicotine.

; love you so

It's an uncomprehensible paradox of wonder and not too little fear to be so deeply in love.

Forget the world, but the hand I'm holding.

You're wonderful and I'm so glad I've found you.

Amazing to find myself wishing that I didn't waste so much time with so many other people, and could've found you sooner instead.

Lovelove.

; where are you now

Eyes are swollen and puffy and they're really hurting me. Think I need to get that Lasik done and soon, contacts seem to aggravate but I can't bear to say goodbye to grey eyes. Not to worry though, it was tears and not anything medical causing the pain today.

A disconcerting phonecall from my brother's friends, saying they heard he was beaten up bad inside the boys' home. Knowing the cocky and proud facade he likes to hide behind, it wasn't suprising. The weird thing was, he claims he was the luckiest one in the history of the boys' home, he wasn't touched, not at all. I don't know who to believe, but come on, he's my brother and I am his closest confidate, doubt he will lie to me. Never trust rumours, hear me?

I miss him dreadfully. And I sometimes wish the Boy can be a lil more understanding. Sigh.

I don't know what else to say, having a terrible headache.

And I'm sorry for sounding utterly depressing.

My fingers hurt too, think the boy trimmed the nails a lil too deep.