; and i'm sharing a dream with a memory

Time to get some accounting done and away with.

Vevian - 150 000
XiaoXiang - 15 000
Kunlong - 120 000
Tingting - 20 000

Yay. I should just tread in the shoes of Ahlongs of the world and start splashing paint and cutting wires just for the fun of it.

And I so need to lose 5 or is it 7 kilos now so I can live up to what I said and pursue thus scaring the hell outta the man of my dreams (only, I'm almost totally over him.)

Hahaha.

I've got almost exactly two months left to TP and a thousand more lessons to clear. My lazy ass is burning a hole in my chair but I'm not moving.

HA, Ting stuck her nose all accusatory like to the moniter - 'Can you stop blogging about him?' The smug smirk on my face when she saw the neat column of figures.

Oooh, someone's been spreading stories on how I'm his ex girlfriend! Teeheehee. Self-satisfied grin again.

Forgive my mindless ramblings. I'm bored and sleepy, bad combination that comes along everytime gloomy Monday comes skipping up.

; a pill to make you dumb

I'm suffocating, every moment it gets harder to breathe and I don't know why.

Maybe it's every fiery exchange of brutal lashes we hurl at each other.
Maybe it's how I feel sick in the gut to imagine you happy without me.

There's this constant ache in my heart, and I feel the heaviest stone of the world weighing upon my chest.

Heartache is this physical. =(


So the player got played..

; everyone's looking round thinking i'm going crazy

You baby me.
You partner me.
You toy me.
You break me.

Your words, Rino.


You started.
You played.
You lied.
You ended.

Mine.

; the unit number of heaven's a question mark

Manwhore.

Jolyne huh.

So stop denying you played, lied and cheated on me, BASTARD.

Quit mindfucking me with your 'Don't make me say things to hurt you which I never do to hurt you'.

I was blind, maybe I tripped, but I'm past caring now.

Fuckface.

; still feel the pain everytime i hear your name

Cuddling over at his place days ago, I was mysteriously overwhelmed with an inexplicable attack of deja vu.

That he would be the B.K of two years ago.

I would be blessed by the arrows of Cupid with what I secretly desired, then, those sweet moments would end as fleetly as winged doves. Not by my choice.


The inevitable has fallen.

Now I'm only praying two years later, I wouldn't be feeling for him the way I occasionally still feel for B.K.

; if only tears could bring you back

J Φ ﻛ ђ says: JOV

J Φ ﻛ ђ says: guess who wrote this

thanks for being there esp those nights. gna be quite shitty when you leave. and then im like rawr, like pressure cooker with damn pressure cos there's no one. 

mm love you loads for always trying to help over the phone. thanks for all the calllls. late night calls, accidental calls, lame calls, 5 mins calls, studying calls, illgeals calls. made my life so much more interesting, what bout yours? talking confiding, listening, advising, trying hahaha. and all others we ve done that ive left out. 

im so grateful cos youre always there somehow, and you nvr fail to cheer me up again, and i knw i always have you to turn to kkkk i jst want to thank you for the wonderful friendship we ve had so far and i hope it will last. youre special and will always be and i am definitely unafraid to say i love you cos i really do! 

some nights ago, i made this promise, tht you will be the rad kid josh, amongst all the joshs tht i knw and will remember plus love the most. 

joviee.* shawty is a killaaaaa. says: that girl? 

J Φ ﻛ ђ says: it was u 

joviee.* shawty is a killaaaaa. says: . 

joviee.* shawty is a killaaaaa. says: was not

joviee.* shawty is a killaaaaa. says: since when do i use language like 

joviee.* shawty is a killaaaaa. says: rad 

joviee.* shawty is a killaaaaa. says: DUDE 

joviee.* shawty is a killaaaaa. says: WHAT RAD SIA 

J Φ ﻛ ђ says: duno 

joviee.* shawty is a killaaaaa. says: and what's with rawr  

J Φ ﻛ ђ says: i saved it 

joviee.* shawty is a killaaaaa. says: HAHA

; awaiting your promised future

I am absolutely disgusted and appalled by my actions last night.

And horrified at what I've done since Monday.

All for a guy whom I've known for what, 10 days?!

The ironic thing is, it took a healthy dosage of Martell, Emily, Kelly and Ivy to rouse me from my state of what can only be called utter pathetic-ation.

I still wonder, though.

Who was right, and who wrong? Did I make a mistake of losing a potential true love? (highly unlikely), or did I save myself by forcing the situation to a halt thus eradicating the chances of future hurt.

I guess this will just have to go down on the list of 'The things you never knew'.

; don't say you love me

WHY oh WHY are all the guys in my life so into victimizing themselves?

And bitching about me on their Friendsters, Msn nicknames, etc.

Blame the victim, sure, push it all to me.

I'M THE GODDAMN LOSER SUFFERING FROM BEING PLAYED OUT.

ME OKAY?!

I'M THE GODDAMN VICTIM.

; drive me crazy

Reminisce.

August17, 2006. Post title, *Lullaby.

It's pretty damn hard to believe, that after almost 2 years, he's still the one who can make my heart beat faster, and slower, all at the same time.

So beautiful it's tragic.

And crap, I realised my standard of writing has deteriorated drastically. How did I come up with those proses in the past?

; fall in love tonight under the orange county sky

I must be getting old,

Cos those mind games I used to indulge and even excel in, less than a week and they're wearing me out, bringing me down.

I wish I can, for the first bloody time in my life, love someone wholeheartedly, give him my all - no strings attached. Without paranoia about him using me for whatever reasons, or fear of loss, hurt and pain.

If I love again, I don't wanna hold back. But then, once again,

If I love, I'll only be hurting as much as I love.

; lets get these teen hearts beating faster

Temporary blinded but now it's clearer than clear to me.

Nobody's fool, especially not yours.

; tell me, how much for your love?

I seriously can't stand people who mind fucks me.

; so bring on the rain

There's nothing I dread less than a conflict, especially among those whom I still crack smiles for when I reminisce happy moments and more than often harbor tender thoughts of.

Oh well.

Monetary issues are always sensitive, (yeah like who doesn't know?) and I hereby announce I'll never again be sucha pushover and allow callous nonsensity like 'Pay you later k?' only to have me still not seeing no dough weeks after.

I mean, I understand, there'll always be predicaments ; dilemmas, but so conveniently EVERYONE forgets that Hello, ME TOO!!!!!!

Guess what, I'm declaring myself OFFICIALLY BROKE.

Thanks to all who contributed to the 'Jovina has $0 (not fucking joking) in her pockets because she has to cough up money to cover for those bad debts' deed. THANKS.

I pawned my fucking PSP already. Tell me what's next, my phone?

; still hooked on you

So, Jurong HQ on Monday.

My oh my.

I feel like I'm 14 all over again. I mean, the pieces all fit like how a hand slips into a custom-made glove, or a body into a well tailored suit.

Happening days that to be honest, I'd rather not relieve. I'd pick boring over busy anytime.

Oh Kelly, you're boring me out.. where's good ol' Em when you need her? :( :( :(


If only life could be simple, and I could simply dial 8 numbers and go 'Hey, guess what? I've been in love with you since Day 1, 2 years ago?' without the severe repercussions I never wanna face.

; you should be in the blueprint of my future

Successfully I've estranged myself from the tempting mistress of Mass, Baccarat.

Breaking up with Ellery's the difficult part, along with the renowned Kai and elusive Iain, seductive and barely out of reach.

I wish I can peel away this mask, this false facade of indomitable strength I've impressed upon everyone. I'm not oh-fucking-kay. But the charade, the show must go on.

Oh yes, I'm the great Pretender.



p.s Again, it's NOT about YOU, cockroach. *sniffs disgustedly, the very thought of you brings upon a bad smell in the air.

; miss our midnight rides on highway 18

Need for speed.

It's funny how you outgrown the giggly bike craze most girls go through in their early teens, only to have it replaced by a more materialistic want for comfy four wheelers, and now for me,

Back to square one.

; ride on a meteorite

Party over.

Dope. No shit.


(p.s - I'll like the world, especially some KPOs, to know that the SOLE reason for my down-and-out-ness is my BROTHER'S ARREST, and nothing else.)

; if you keep on taking you'll be breaking

Anticipation bringing forth both anxiety and restlessness.


HOUSE PARTAY AT SIX AM!


Euros. Butterflies. Chanels. Loves.

; bound by the life you left behind

I'm being an outright flake and making a complete mess outta my life once again.

And I really couldn't care less.

Times like this, I hate the world, I truly do.

; who will i run to when autumn doesn't return?

you were the one who i could tell my deepest fears
and you were the one who always wiped away my tears

so now i've lost everything
cos now you say you're gone forever more

so who will i
who will i run to?
who will i turn to?
now that you left me behind
who will dry my tears when i cry?
now that you're not here in my life?

cos i would give anything
cos i want you back forever more


And I thought I was beyond crying.

You know,
when it hurts, when you hurt so goddamn bad, when you're bleeding so deep from inside

You just don't cry anymore.

That's the maximus of Pain.
The zenith of Grief and Sorrow.

Words, tears, those traditional tools of expression are worthless, meaningless.

But to sum it all up, I miss I need I want my brother back by my side.


初秋的天 冰冷的夜 autumn's first, the freezing dusk
回忆慢慢袭来 reawakened images that're memories
真心的爱 就像落叶 deep true love resembling fallen leaves
为何却要分开 why do they have to fall and part?

灰色的天 独自彷徨 the dull grey expanse of bleak sky, the solitary cheerlessness
城市的老地方 the old place we used to go
真的孤单 走过忧伤 stark lonliness, melancholia's company
心碎还要逞强 a broken heart faking a smile

想为你披件外衣 if only i could place a sweater upon you
天凉要爱惜自己 it's cold, please do take care of yourself
没有人比我更疼你 nobody loves you more than i do

告诉你 在每个 if i could i'll let you know
想你的夜里 in every sleepless night, mind occupied with only you
我哭的好无力 how desperately i cry

就让秋风带走我的思念 so allow the autumn wind to flee with my yearning
带走我的泪 to depart with those salty beads that fall from my eyes
我还一直静静守候在 mutedly i remain awaiting
相约的地点 always at the agreed place

求求老天淋湿我的双眼 dear god won't you flood both eyes of mine
冰冻我的心 and chill, ice over my heart
让我不再苦苦奢求你还 so i'll no longer have to so bitterly beg for your
回来我身边 return to my side.

我身边 by my side.