; pergi untuk kembali

Sometimes, there's nobody I loathe or despise more than that lying prick of a boyfriend.

Speaking of hatred. Lemme count the people on my permanent shitlist.


1) Nicholas (SFMS)
2) Josephine (Entertainment)
3) Anthony (BF Ex-Clique)
4) Kenneth (BF Ex-Clique)
5) FatMich (Gardens)
6) Samuel (Ex - BF)
7) KeeSiang (Point)

Yucks and Fucks to Y'all!

There's a very miniscule possibility that my dog might have nasty ticks on her little body.

; i'm not okay

Aww, everybody go HOW TRAGIC JOV.

I'm barely halfway through and I can't make myself read anything any longer.

I wish I'm still foolishly but securely in dark like a lovelorn fool.

And I cannot believe you made out with that Thai girl whose face body probably even soul equates to the mere handicraft of money leeching plastic surgeons.

Wham bam alakazam.

Ugg, I wanna hurl so bad.

; only hope

Reformatting the bloody computer wins hands down the Dumbest Jov Act of 2007.

I so desperately need release, but I can barely think of a single oh please I'm gonna slit my wrists song.

Chancing upon.. okay I lied, I searched almost relentlessly for your history.

And it leaves me with nothing but a bad case of heart burn and a bad taste in my mouth.

But you're still so goddamn beautiful, you make me ache with longing.

; tears to shed

What does that wispy little brat have that you don't have double?

She can't hold a candle to the beauty of your smile.

How about a pulse?

Overrated by a mile
Over bearing
Overblown

If he only knew the you that we know.

And that silly little creature isn't wearing his ring, and she doesn't play piano or dance or sing.

No she doesn't compare.

But she still breathes air.

Who cares?

Unimportant
Overrated
Overblown

If only he could see how special you can be,
If he only knew the you that we know.

If I touch a burning candle, I can't feel the pain
If you cut me with a knife, it's still the same
And I know her heart is beating, and I know that I am dead
Yet the pain here that I feel, try and tell me it's not real
For it seems that I still have a tear to shed.

The sole redeeming feature from that little creature is that she's alive

Overrated
Overblown

Everybody knows that's just a temporary state, which is cured very quickly when we meet our fate.

Who cares?

Unimportant
Overrated
Overblown

If only he could see how special you can be,
If he only knew the you that we know.

If I touch a burning candle, I can feel no pain
In the ice or in the sun it's all the same
Yet I feel my heart is aching, though it doesn't beat it's breaking
And the pain here that I feel, try and tell me it's not real

I know that I am dead.

Yet it seems that I still have some tears to shed.

; prince of darkness

My poor baby.

Not only did he

a) Had a major argument with me (that's saying something, considering how often we squabble)

He was also

b) Alleged to have hurled profanities at his officer?? sergeant?? and also of cheating with his friend in a run two weeks or so again, thus marking up two charges, of Insubordination and Integrity issues respectively

As well as

c) Kissing the butt of a greedy taxi driver who stopped suddenly and demands $300 in compensation along with the repair fees of the taxi. License plate and bonnet? of BF's car mildly 'disturbed'.

I don't get why we have to pay when it was he who stopped the car outta the blue. I mean, my bag flew outta my arms and all my stuff were scattered everywhere, and I also got a pretty painful bump.

Oh well.

Must remember to buy 4d tomorrow. Too bad I didn't catch the cab's license plate.

; smashed into pieces

How long I've evaded my once dearly beloved Silverstein, I can't even begin to count. According to most of my former crew, Yours Truly = the very Imagery of the song.

Oh, ignore the sickening stench of childish sentimentality evoked in the previous entry.

Very rarely does outrage; indignation; shock and hurt mute my admittedly dubious ability for prose. But whatever, this is one of those times.

I more than deserve it.

Juliet's tale was declared the woe-st of them all, but at least Romeo didn't claim to be the only color in her EMO world. The cheek, the..

Thou shalt not go on.

; fighting fish

I've slept exactly 3 hours, and that's only with the help of mild sleeping pills for the past 3 days. The scary thing is, I'm not in the least tired.

Bryan's 27th birthday today. Fun. Too bad Nick messed up and booked the biggest room available, just at the wrong outlet. Haha!

I've such a wonderful family. Daddy held my hand earlier. It felt.. weird. But sweet. I felt like a little girl again, content in the embrace of her blood. And my cuz and I realised we were more than sisters, we're practically best friends! :)

I've been lucky all my life. There's always someone out there, looking out for me. I knew that when Lydia gave me the bigger half of the cookie, when Raes never forgets to send me birthday cards every year from the US, when Vic and I had the Amazing Race from Jurong, Changi Prison, to Lavender's immigration to bid Daniel farewell after his release, when Mich laid me on her lap when I was drunk and vomitting like a Merlion, when Wanwin forgave my hurtful, nasty words the moment I called her, crying, when my cousin worries about my lack of appetite and sleep.

All I need now is to learn to trust my boyfriend 100% and not only forgive, but forget his mistakes that occured more than half a year ago.

Easier said than done, but I'm trying. I'm trying.

; 斗牛要不要!

Mike He HAS to be the most gorgeous guy alive.

He just gets hotter and hotter with every drama.

The first episode was bloody DIAO. Can't wait for next Sunday!

; bloody national service

I'm bored and starving, and it's all National Service's fault.

Omg I just saw Leo's nick, and it's that cheesy camp song my boyfriend kept sanging a month or two ago.

I ASKED MY GIRL TO TAKE A WALK, TO TAKE A WALK DOWN ORCHARD ROAD.

For the love of god...

; bu gong ping

For as long as I can remember, I've always been a sucker for sappy Chinese, Cantonese or even Hokkien songs. Which naturally made me the butt of countless good natured jokes among the AngmohPais, which make up the majority of my friends.

I used to view my fondness for them as a weakness that will only be exploited. Might be the victim of malicious teasing, thought I. Then one day I woke up and thought, Hell, I can love Metallica, Nickelback, and Jay Chou all at the same time, can't I? That was a pivotal (in a certain way) moment of my life, short though it has been, so far anyway.

I can actually speak fluent albeit simplistic Mandarin, and my dialects are passable. Quite a number of people are unaware of that fact.

This is going to be pretty random. I'm currently in the midst of freezing into a human icicle in my boyfriend's room.

Did I mention I like techno? Only I prefer to term them Eurodance. Which reminds me of AhYi's IRC Channel, back in those good ol' days. #Dancing.with.Eurodance.at.Night or something along those lines. HAHAHA, those were the days, I kid you not.

These days, I wish I'm a kid again. I was rushing all my life to grow up, for reasons I now cannot fathom. If only I took my time, smelled the flowers, really savor the world the way only youth and naivete knew how..

I recall quite clearly a scene in the art room, 2nd year of Secondary, Xinmin. For once I was concentrating hard on my art piece rather than doing What's That Called.. something along the lines of Jumping Jacks for not handing up the previous week's assignment, well whatever. My teacher then, Ms Yvonne Ong (also sister of radio personality Daniel Ong, they look alike and speak alike but I digressed) touched my hair, and said not unkindly, but wistfully 'You shouldn't have rebonded it. You're only 14. Leave it as it is, it'll be fluffy not doubt but you've got plenty of time when you're older to do whatever you like to it.'

I wish I didn't pierce multiple earholes when I was 11. I wish I didn't pierce my nose when I was 13. I wish I didn't begin rebonding my hair when I was 13. I wish I didn't apply makeup when I was 13. I wish I never had to go through the agony of my best friend moving to the States when I was 13. I wish I didn't discover contacts when I was 14. I wish I didn't learn clubbing and smoking when I was 14. I wish I didn't skip school when I was 14. I wish I was never almost raped when I was 14. I wish I never cut myself when I was 14. I wish I never committed suicide when I was 14. I wish I never yelled at the Bitch of a Principal at Huayi and got myself expelled when I was 15.

I don't want to remember anything else anymore.

What the average reader's probably unable to grasp is that, all the above are typical in current-day Singapore. Eg. Self mutilation was practically unheard of. But a few years ago, it simply wasn't so.

I was the epitome of a girl who grew up too fast, and in my personality still bears the unseen stigma, like a scarlet letter on my breast, always close to heart.

; star movies

Reap the repercussions,

Did I not tell you months ago that I recognised the symptoms, that I read the signs? Did I not warn you, advised you in goodwill to speak to your kin, to shower her with a tad more concern as opposed to your 'Don't bother, don't ask' routine?

I am always careful and considerate when smoking at your place. I leave no bloody trace. I hardly even smoke in the yard. Yet to conceal your flaws you push the blame to me. I don't see your need to feign ignorance of anyone smoking. It's clearer than clear.

And for god's sake, I will never again smoke in your house. So next time, any lighters boxes or ash around, I'm going to raise my voice and deny everything. Sick of picking up the pieces you broke.

; lonely

It never once occurred to me that it could be the other way round.

Why would she willingly give up what I would give my everything for? What I've been desperately craving, nightly dreaming of, since the tender age of fourteen?

It is true, that one man's meat may be another's poison but this realisation led to an all too troubling self-discovery.

What I've been clinging on to- what could drive me to ecstasy in a fantasy world only to shatter any miserable ounce of my self-esteem all in a flicker of an instant, for such a prolonged period of time is more than likely just an idealized illusion, memories are sentimental, and vague and subjective after all, we remember only what we choose to, whether consciously or not.

I have elevated my Holy Grail to a celestial pedestal. Hopes so high will only crash and allow the manifestation of burning disappointment.

I have always imagined that if it belonged to me, the dark clouds will go away, and never come back for like fiery Apollo, it will chased them to the other end of the world. How wrong I have been.

The wind is neither whispering, nor whimpering now. It is raging.

; romeo & juliet

My only hate sprung from my only love - yes, my boyfriend can be such a big fat piece of nasty-smelling beef JERKy sometimes.

He can so win the award for 'Worst Video Renter' of the Year. Who rents 3 outta 3 lousy videos we can't be bothered to finish?

Myself, on the other hand.. *clears throat*

- Romeo & Juliet (1968)
- Sleepy Hollow ~all time favourite!
- Secret Window

Romeo & Juliet is l33t. Even LowCheeWee couldn't resist watching despite the flowery language he's unable to comprehend thus MOI, the walking translator. Olivia H. is absolutely be-yooo-tiful!

; ohhhhhhh sweeney!

Guess who's coming round this Christmas?

Nope not Santa, though I'm keeping my fingers crossed I'll be on his NICE not naughty list this year and get that Mulberry Baywater in Ostrich.

SWEENEY TODD!

Evil personified, as Johnny Depp potrays the haunted barber with bloodshot eyes and a streak of white in his thick shock of hair. The popular Broadway musical, under the direction of acclaimed director Tim Burton, I'm keeping my fingers crossed Johnny and Helena Bonham-Carter can sing. After all, he was from a rock band in his younger days. Creepy yet sensual, Bellatrix Lestrange plays Mrs Lovett, Sweeney Todd's amorous accomplice.

Here's the downer. It'll be released to a limited audience in the US on the 21st of December, but in Singapore, FEB 7 208. That's two whole months away from the US release!

Bugger. Hopefully, Bittorrent will save the day!

; dear, dear

Gucci's winter bag and belt selection was hideous, such a disappointment.

Mom's mini operation went pretty much alright, her boob's still bleeding though, so as not to retain any 'dirty blood' I think. She'll have to head back to Mount E. tomorrow for a quick review.

Guess who I literally BUMPED into in town?

FAT Michelle, as fat as ever, and larger than life!

I recognised the battered blue teddy tee when I turned over, frowning irritably as she almost knocked me over.

The uncanny thing is, moments before, I was enjoying my baked rice at NYDC, and telling my cousin that I remember being here a long time with Wanwin, Mich, and FATMich.

Better go bathe to wash off any ill luck from that unexpected, unwanted encounter with that cockroach. *shudders disgustedly*

; niu zai hen mang!

I am so gonna kill myself for not diligently reading the newspapers everyday or following up on the forums like I should have.

I'M GOING TO MISS BOTH DAYS OF JAY'S 2008 WORLD TOUR!

:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(

18th Jan is his birthday, it's bound to be a night to remember, probably Jay's mom and granny will be there with a gigantic cake, helium balloons and everything!

GRRRRR.

; kids say the darnest things

For that very shallow side of me, I've finally found the perfect excuse explanatory statement.

Because you can't have depth without surfaces.

Questioned the little brother the other day, 'Sis, your LV bag is a fake right?'

!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Hello? We went bag hunting at various boutiques for two consecutive days with the Parents remember? Albeit you were slouching on the couch like a duck caught in a shower until a $1000 pair of sneaker caught your eye.

I was so indignant, I opened my mouth only to close it a second later. I will not deign to enlighten him and his deluded train of thought.

The Cousin injected delightedly, 'Silly! Of course it's authentic!'

'Oh. I thought LV stands for Levis.'

He looked half-sheepish, half amused. I suppose it applied to his whack sense of humour, the expression on my face.